


Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday

by CaliforniaQueen



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Child Neglect, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Foster Care, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Minor Character Death, Nobody will die in this fic, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent Death, Pregnancy, Premature Labor, Reylo Baby, The minor character/parent death was Maz, Unplanned Pregnancy, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, guaranteed, preemie, reylo is endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:07:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 64,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24678973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaliforniaQueen/pseuds/CaliforniaQueen
Summary: Celebrating finishing school and getting a teaching job, Rey Jackson and her friends go out for a night of drinks and letting their hair down. When she meets the beautiful stranger at the bar, she decides tonight she's going to break a rule and be the bad girl for a change. Their one night together turns out to have disastrous consequences for everyone involved. But is being tied down as bad as Rey thinks it is, or is she just afraid to let herself be happy?
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 707
Kudos: 810





	1. Chapter 1

“Don't question why she needs to be so free

She'll tell you it's the only way to be

She just can't be chained

To a life where nothing's gained

Or nothing's lost, at such a cost”

Ruby Tuesday 

-Keith Richards

**JUNE**

“So...Miss Jackson…”

“Please, call me Rey.”

Galen Erso smiled warmly at Rey, his brown eyes crinkling in the corners, softening his otherwise stern face’s hard lines. The interview had been going exceptionally well, and Rey felt relaxed with the panel of teachers and administrators assigned to the process. Two classroom teachers, a secretary, and Mr. Erso, the principal of Chandrila Elementary, had certainly intimidated her when she had arrived. Still, after the warm welcome and the pleasant rapport she had established with the group, she had relaxed and was able to answer their questions confidently. 

_What is your classroom experience?_ Easy enough. None on her own. However, she had volunteered during her credential courses and had just completed her practical classroom training back in Coruscant.

_Do you feel your education has sufficiently prepared you for a position in a self-contained classroom?_ Absolutely not. That was her first thought. She knew that just from the few months student-teaching, everything she learned in the university classrooms didn’t matter when an angry eight-year-old decided they had had enough. Still, she figured it was probably best to be less than honest with this one and wax poetic about the fabulous professors at the University of Coruscant, and tell everyone they had been knowledgeable and helpful every step of the way, so she felt prepared and ready to begin this journey on her own. 

_Where do you see yourself going in the profession?_ Aha. Trick question. They wanted to know if she would use them as a stepping stone to something bigger. Rey knew Chandrila had a high turnover rate. Teachers fresh out of college were hired and worked until their internships and credentials were completed. Then they left for better-paying school districts in towns that weren’t only known for their one streetlight and the one person who managed to baseball their way to the major leagues. It wasn’t what Rey had hoped for, but it was the only district hiring. They didn’t need to know she had no intention of settling in this tiny town. A little white lie was in order. She mentioned a desire for small-town life and wanting to establish roots, and so on. They seemed reassured she wasn’t in it just for what they could do for her career advancement. 

The last question, however, was about to throw her for a loop. 

“Rey,” Mr. Erso repeated, his accent rounding around her name, giving it an exciting sound. She couldn’t quite place it. Not anywhere in the U.K., not German, Northern European, maybe? It was certainly mesmerizing and commanded attention. _He must be very popular with the children,_ she thought. 

“We have just one final question for you. What can you tell us about your teaching philosophy?”

She knew it was a question she had to prepare for, but articulating her teaching philosophy necessitated bringing up her past, which Rey always hated to do. 

“Well,” Rey began, gearing up to let these strangers in on her childhood’s less than appealing side. She gritted her teeth and pushed forward, “Growing up, I bounced around foster homes with my foster brother Finn. I changed schools more often than you would think.” She paused to take in the predictably sympathetic looks from the panel before moving on. “What I noticed, throughout those years, was how differently teachers treated Finn, a black child, and myself. It was subtle, most of the time, but still apparent—opportunities, attention, assistance. I was always more inclined to receive those than Finn. I believe recognizing it shaped who I am today, and as a teacher, my philosophy would be simple. I want my classroom to be inclusive, equitable, and a safe space for all children to receive the education they are entitled regardless of their race, gender, or orientation. I never want a child to feel less than anyone else in my classroom. It’s important to me and close to my heart.”

Rey let out a breath, the tension in her shoulders easing a bit at the nods and smiles of approval from the interviewers. 

“Thank you for your candor, Rey,” Mr. Erso replied, closing the file he was holding and setting it atop the pile of what Rey assumed were other potential candidates’ interview documents. “That’s all we have for you today. Do you have any questions for us?”

_When will I find out? How long are you going to make me wait?_

“Nope,” she said, smiling as she stood and held her hand out to shake Mr. Erso’s. 

“Fine. We will be getting back to you soon. Thanks for coming in today.”

“Thank you all for the consideration.”

Rey carried herself calmly to her car, her anxiety carefully shrouded in a cheery demeanor. Once inside, she started the engine, cranked the windows down, and slumped in her seat, waiting for the half-hearted air vent to, if not cool off, at least air out the oppressive June heat baking the steering wheel of her hand me down Ford Escort. The car had been a high school graduation gift from her foster mother, Maz, and already old upon receipt. Rey had nursed it through the last five years of undergrad work and her credential classes, praying that the beat-up old thing would keep going “just one more year.” A full-time teaching position would get her one step closer to the glory of air conditioning and power windows. 

The sooner she got a response from the HR department, the better. She could finally begin to make plans to move out of Finn and his husband Poe’s spare room and move to the sleepy little town of Chandrila. She’d be alone, but she’d finally be independent.

And yet...part of her was scared to death they would hire her.

Chandrila was...certainly something. 

The town was maybe 25 square miles tops. There was one main road consisting of a few gas stations, a city hall, and several boarded-up businesses that either never gained traction or faded away as their proprietors passed and the next generation knew better than to hitch their wagon to a dying star. 

“Nobody stayed in Chandrila.”

That’s what she had been told by the few acquaintances who knew of the tiny town 20 miles off the beaten path of one of California's main stretches of highway. Close enough to know it was there, but far enough to not give it another thought if you blinked and missed the exit. Surrounded by alfalfa, tomatoes, and cornfields, it was a hotbed of allergies, heat, and conservative politics. Not Rey’s first choice, but student loans would go into repayment soon, and beggars couldn’t be choosers. 

Rey’s stomach gave an angry growl, startling her out of her ruminations. She needed to find somewhere to eat. She started the engine, giving her routine thanks to the gods of ancient automobiles as the clunky thing turned over yet again, and put it into gear, searching for a place to have a bite. 

After a five minute drive around the not quaint at all “downtown” area, Rey had to choose between three taco shops, a pizza place, or sub sandwiches. Not a culinary mecca, she thought, the heat and hunger making her cranky. Deciding to settle for the safe bet of sub sandwiches, she’d just sat down with her order when her phone buzzed. She thumbed it open to see a notification from her best friend, Rose.

_So how did it go?_

_I think it went ok. Everyone was friendly and welcoming._

_Yeah, so were the Stepford wives._

_Rose, you’re not helping._

_Rey, you’re settling! That town sucks balls, and everyone knows it._

_I need to get out of Coruscant and be on my own, Rose. And they don’t have to know I don’t plan on staying in Chandrila. I’ll get my two years in, get my permanent credential settled, and move on to something great. I just can’t keep sponging off Finn and Poe forever. Besides, they’ve been talking about kids again._

_Ahhh, yeah. Poe mentioned Finn had baby fever. I guess they’d need the room._

_Right. And my darling brother and brother-in-law are too nice to mention it to me directly. I don’t want to be the reason that they have to wait anymore. It’s not fair to them._

_I still think you should hold out…_

_It’s June, Rose. All the big districts have hired for the school year. I’m lucky I got this interview._

_No luck about it, babycakes. You are going to be an AWESOME teacher._

_Awww shucks. LOL. Oh, I’m getting a call. I THINK IT’S THE SCHOOL! Have to go!!!_

_Text me later!!!!! Xoxo_

Rey nervously tapped the green “accept” icon and took a steadying breath before answering.

“Hello?”

“Good afternoon, this is Kaydel Connix, secretary at Chandrila Elementary. Is this Rey Jackson?”

“Yes, it is.” Rey squeezed her eyes shut in anticipation, her free hand in a white knuckle grip on the table. 

“Oh, great. I have Mr. Erso here, one moment, please…” There was a clicking sound, followed briefly by a burst of elevator music before Mr. Erso’s pleasantly accented voice soothed her nerves.

“Rey, this is Galen Erso from Chandrila Elementary. I was calling to let you know the committee has made a decision, and we would like to offer you the position for the upcoming school year.” 

Rey could have shot out of her seat with the amount of adrenaline coursing through her body. It took every ounce of her control to keep from screaming in the middle of the quiet sandwich shop. 

“I accept!” she squealed joyfully. 

“Wonderful!” he said. Rey could hear the smile in his voice. Whether from relief or happiness, she couldn’t be sure, but at that point, all she could think about was a car with an air conditioner. 

“So, what is my next step?” 

“We’ll need you to fill out some paperwork and sign your contract over at the district office as soon as you’re able. Then you’re good until new teacher orientation in August.”

“Ok great, I can do that right now. Thank you so much, Mr. Erso. I’m looking forward to working with you.”

“You’re welcome, Rey. We are all excited to see what happens in the new year. I’ll be in touch soon.”

“Thank you again. Bye.”

Rey set her phone down, momentarily dazed with how quickly her life had just changed. She glanced around the deserted shop, taking in the bored-looking teenager absentmindedly wiping down her workspace and frowned. She eyed the mismatched buildings outside, full of hair salons and five and dime stores bordered by cracked, uneven pavement. The roads were old and full of potholes haphazardly filled as a temporary fix until the city workers got around to repaving them. A group of young boys pedaled by on bicycles, sticking their tongues out at her as they caught her eye through the large window. Sweat began to bead and run down the back of her neck as she realized the situation’s enormity.

“What the fuck did I just agree to?”

* * *

“To Miss Jackson, the new teacher at Chandrila Elementary.” Poe Dameron held up his beer bottle in a toast and grinned as Finn and Rose followed suit.

“To Miss Jackson!” they chorused in response. Rey’s dimples deepened, and she giggled with the relaxation and happiness that came with good news and two blueberry pomegranate margaritas. 

Rose’s immediate response to Rey’s call about her new job was to organize this celebration in her honor. Rey suspected it was an excuse to drink on a Friday night but didn’t hold it against her. Rose had been working hard in her classes and deserved a night out as much as anyone else. She felt a brief pang of sadness, wondering just how many more of these nights the four of them would have together. 

She brushed it off and raised her glass in response, finishing her drink. “Thank you, guys! I’m so excited!”

“I’m excited about another round,” Finn teased, pulling a laugh out of the rest of them. “You guys all want the same?” They nodded in agreement, and Finn set off to the bar to place their order. 

“So, Rey, what are you going to do now?” Rose rested her chin on her fist, her eyes just this side of glassy, her cheeks flushed a delicate pink. Her long, glossy black hair fell forward over her shoulders, framing her heart-shaped face. She had the vibe of a manic pixie dream girl mixed with someone who would kick your ass for cheating off her in a math class. Rey giggled to herself. Rose was the most hardcore, tiny little person she knew, and she loved her like a sister. She leaned closer, resting her chin on her hands, and hiccuped. 

“I have no idea.”

The two of them burst into laughter as Poe watched, shaking his head at them. “You two are crazy.”

“I know,” Rose said, “but you love us anyway.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he laughed. “Seriously, though. What happens now?”

Rey saw Finn return with the server bearing their fresh drinks and blew a raspberry at Poe and shot back, “Now, we drink!”

Rey’s eyes widened, and she gleefully grabbed her third margarita, plucking the wedge of pineapple off the rim and licking it comically before popping the tip of it into her mouth. She closed her eyes and sucked its fresh juice, her eyes closed as she savored the sweetness. Rose’s cackle and Poe’s exclamation of “Oh my god, Rey,” was just the response she was expecting. She pulled out the pineapple with an audible pop, laughing at their reactions. It was only by chance that Rey noticed the man at the bar watching her. His eyes darkened as they met hers, and she felt the flush creep up her neck and spread over her cheeks as she realized he had just watched her fellate her fruit garnish. 

She looked away quickly, taking a gulp of her drink and trying to slow her racing heart. Glancing back up, she saw the man still watching her, an expression of amused interest on his face. He brushed his hair back away from his forehead, and Rey tried to ignore the heat blooming in her belly when all of a sudden...he winked.

The garbled squeak that wink elicited made Rey thankful he was nowhere near close enough to hear it. Her friends, however, noticed her obvious discomfort.

“What the hell was that?” Finn laughed at her and followed her gaze to the dark-haired stranger at the bar. “Oh, hot damn,” he said.

In tandem, Rose and Poe turned their heads to follow Finn’s, and Rey squeaked again. 

“Don’t all of you look at once, shit.”

“Ooh, he’s pretty,” Rose teased. “We should introduce ourselves.”

“We very much should not,” Rey retorted, her embarrassment evident in her flush, which at this point had reached to her ears. 

“I’ve got an idea,” sang Finn. “Let’s dance.”

Before Rey could stop him, he was on his feet and headed to the corner jukebox. After a quick search, he seemed satisfied with his choices and strolled back to the table to pull Rey and Rose by their hands, dragging them to the dance floor as the drum solo opening to Van Halen’s “Hot For Teacher” began to envelop them. 

“I’m going to fucking kill you,” Rey seethed through clenched teeth. 

“Gotta catch me first, kiddo,” Finn laughed. He bodily tossed them into the crowd before running back to sit with Poe and admire his handiwork.

Rey’s third drink had begun to settle into her veins. She vaguely remembered only having half a sandwich at lunch, before Rose’s laughter distracted her. She gave in to the silliness of the song and the feel of the bass thumping through her body. It had been so long since she had just let go and had a good time. She bounced with the frantic energy of the song and the chaotic bar patrons dancing around her. As the music blended into “School’s Out” by Alice Cooper, she laughed at Finn’s choices and continued to spin around Rose, letting her hair down in celebration of the independence that came with her new life.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW!!!

“I want you, bless my soul

And I ain’t gotta tell him, I think he

knows”

Taylor Swift - “I Think He Knows”

He’d been sitting nursing a beer for a while when she walked in with her friends. He noticed her as soon as she came through the door. You couldn’t help  _ but _ notice her. She was the sunshine parting the clouds after a storm. She blew in like a whirlwind, tilting his world off its axis.

There wasn’t anything special about the way she dressed—although the jeans she wore did flatter her curvy ass. The concert tee-shirt she wore was tight enough for him to notice she went without a bra. She had soft brown hair piled haphazardly on top of her head. Casual. 

But it was her eyes. Her wide eyes that made him think if he looked hard enough, he would see his future. 

Smitten—it’s what his grandmother would have said. He shook his head to clear it and motioned to the bartender for another drink.

The four friends sat down at a table directly across from him and placed their order before leaning in to discuss whatever nonsense anyone ever talked about over drinks in an overly loud bar on a Friday night. The dance floor teemed with what he assumed were college students letting off steam in celebration of the end of another semester, and while Ben Solo typically didn’t frequent places like this, tonight, he just needed to be alone. He was determined to drink away his exhaustion and head home to crash for the next forty-eight hours, thankful for the end of another school year. 

Once he saw her, though, the idea of drinking away his stress and going home alone didn’t hold as much appeal as it had before. 

After surreptitiously eyeing them for the next half hour, he was glad to see that the two men were more into each other than they were her, and the petite, dark-haired girl didn’t seem to be a romantic interest either. Ben counted that as a pro as he ordered yet another round of liquid courage and tried to come up with a way to introduce himself. 

It had been ages since he had frequented bars for dates on a Friday night. His life was centered on work, meetings, community outreach, and sleep. It had been that way for so long, he wasn’t even sure if he could remember the last time he had a proper date, let alone enjoyed a body warming up the other side of his bed. The thought of  _ her  _ warming it up had him stealthily adjusting himself in his pants to accommodate his growing erection, which had, unfortunately, picked a terrible time to come out of hibernation. 

Then...she did...the thing. Her pink tongue darted out and slowly licked the fruit in her hand. When she sucked on the tip, her cheeks hollowed out and her eyes closed, Ben felt dizzy as all his blood seemed to rush away from his head. Seeing her flush as their eyes met gave him a jolt, and he knew then and there that he had to figure out a way to get her alone and talk to her. Maybe more than talk, if she was interested. So he did something he would have never done if he hadn’t already had almost a six-pack of beer. He winked. 

Her flustered look, followed by all heads at her table uniformly turning to look at him, made him grin with amusement. He had gotten her attention, at least. He watched curiously as one of the men at the table strode to the digital jukebox in the corner of the bar, then dragged the two women out on the dance floor before making a break for it. The women immediately began to dance enthusiastically to the music, getting lost in the rhythm. He tried to moderate his staring, not wanting to look like a creep, but the way her hips moved, coupled with the peek of her taut stomach that flashed whenever she raised her arms, was making him feel reckless.

A few minutes later, his chance came when her dark-haired friend leaned in and said something, then left her alone on the dance floor. He watched her walk over to the bar and try to flag down the bartender. Ben moved closer to her and leaned in towards her. 

“Hi. Can I, um, buy you a drink?”

* * *

It was his voice that sealed the deal. Smooth, low, and just a hint of uncertainty made Rey turn and smile at him. He acted shy, though lord only knew why. His dark, wavy hair, deep, golden-brown eyes, and a mouth made for sin were enough to make any girl stand up and notice. What on earth he had to be shy about, Rey couldn’t guess. Maybe the nose, which was a teeny bit too long for his face, but worked in the overall aesthetic. It was the voice, though, that made her legs feel like jelly—and all he had done was ask to buy her a drink. 

“Sure,” she chirped. She held out her hand. “I’m Rey.”

“Ben,” he answered, taking her hand. 

The touch of his hand made Rey acutely aware of the fact that she had chosen not to wear a bra in this heat. She bit back a gasp and gently pulled her hand out of his grip, hoping he didn’t take notice of “the girls” standing at attention on his behalf. 

“Nice to meet you, Ben. What’s a guy like you doing in a place like this?”

“Isn’t that supposed to be my line?”

“Maybe twenty years ago,” Rey laughed. “So, what brings you here all by yourself?”

“Just drinking away the end of another school year.”

“Me too! I just finished my last class this week. All done. High five!” She held up her hand and grinned at him when he returned the gesture. The bartender set her drink in front of her, and she thanked him and turned back to Ben. She was just about to say something when she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. Pulling it out, she looked up at Ben and wrinkled her nose. “Sorry, let me check this.”

_ Finn: We seeeee you!  _

_ Rey: OMG go away _

_ Finn: We’re ready to go, sister. Are you coming? _

_ Rose: I hope she is eventually, she needs to get laid. _

_ Rey: You can all kiss my ass. I just got another drink! And he’s pretty. I’m gonna stay.  _

_ Rose: Do you want us to stay? Are you gonna be alright? _

_ Rey: I’ll be fine. I’ll text if I need you. Xoxo _

_ Poe: k, don’t get murdered _

_ Rey: I’ll do my best LOL _

“Everything ok?” he asked when she pocketed her phone. 

“Yep. All good. Is this seat taken?” 

Rey knew she was in some serious trouble when he grinned, lighting up his face and dimpling his cheeks. 

* * *

A small part of her brain, which wasn’t soggy with alcohol, knew that she probably shouldn’t be doing this.

It wasn’t what good girls did; she remembered that nonsense from adolescence.

Well, it was not what Rey did.

Being a good girl was Rey’s brand. Bad girls get left behind. That good girl’s voice in her head was currently waving red flags and screeching: _ Don’t break the rules! Don’t be late! Don’t go home with a man you just met while drunk off tequila and eyes like Tennessee Honey! _

Quite frankly, Rey was tired of listening to that voice. 

Just one time, she thought, just to celebrate. To see what it was like to be the free, independent, not-so-good girl. To have a one-night stand story to look back on when she was feeling nostalgic. 

She shut that voice down and soldiered on. 

They spent the rest of the night talking about everything and nothing, drinking, and dancing until the bartender announced last call. It was outside while waiting for an Uber that he kissed her. The kiss was so soft but full of promise. His lips gently brushed over hers before coaxing her mouth open with a gentle swipe of his tongue. She opened up to him, humming in the back of her throat as the kiss deepened, and she could taste expensive beer and desire on his tongue. They lingered together for a minute, an hour, a lifetime before they parted. Rey gazed up at him with a dazed expression on her face as Ben drew his thumb across her moist bottom lip. 

“So sweet,” he said with almost a hushed reverence. Rey flushed with pleasure at the compliment. Her body already was fine-tuned to his touch, and she wanted more.

“Come home with me.”

She nodded before sending off a quick text to Rose not to worry and turning on her GPS in case she needed her friends to help her out of a sticky situation. By then, the car had arrived, and Ben pulled her in beside him. The ride to his apartment was full of hot touches, soft sighs, and slow kisses that seemed to go on forever. They arrived at his house sooner than she would have expected and made their way to the door, stopping to kiss and touch like giggly teens on their first date.

Rey watched his nimble fingers as he unlocked the door. His hands were enormous. She shivered, knowing just what she’d like to have him do with those thick fingers. When she giggled again, he turned and caught her staring. His eyes darkened, and he smiled that devilish smile that made her feel light-headed. He reached up to cup the back of her neck, drawing her closer and pressing his lips to hers. Her eyes fluttered closed as he pressed into her, sliding his tongue expertly inside her mouth. Her gentle moan at the back of her throat made him react in kind. The thought of him being excited by her did things to her. She hadn’t felt this way with any other partner before. Tonight she was thoroughly enjoying exciting this man. She trembled at the way he made heat pool in her belly, how he made her wetter than she had ever been. 

She met his touches with enthusiasm as he pulled her through the door and pushed it shut behind her. His hands roamed down her back to her hips, and he gently nudged her up against the door, grinding his erection into her and causing her to gasp at the feel of him. 

“Bedroom?” she mumbled against his lips.

“This way,” he whispered as he brushed featherlight kisses behind her ear, that soft spot that made her knees weak. Grasping her hands, he led her through a dark hallway and into his bedroom. 

They stood staring at each other for a moment that seemed to last forever before Ben asked, “Are you sure?”

Rey reached out to him, grasping at his belt to unfasten it while staring into his eyes. She unbuttoned his jeans and pulled his shirt free, making quick work of the buttons before parting it to reveal his chest. She sighed as she slid her hands down his toned torso, delighting in how the ripples and ridges felt under her fingertips. 

She leaned into him then, placing an open-mouthed kiss at the base of his throat, and murmured, “Yes.”

His answering growl was enough to make Rey feel like she would combust. She watched as he dropped to his knees in front of her and unfastened the button and zipper, yanking her jeans and underwear down in one swift pull. She squealed in surprise as he shucked off his shirt and hitched her leg up over his shoulder, burying his head between her thighs without preamble. 

Her gasp turned into a whimper at the first contact of that beautiful mouth on her. The sounds he pulled out of her as his tongue licked a hot path from her entrance to her swollen clit would have embarrassed her in the light of day. They only seemed to encourage him there in the dark. His response to her pleasure was maddening; his teasing mouth alternated from licking, to sucking, to pulsing as his tongue thrust into her. Rey was afraid she would lose all control and tumble to the ground. She threaded her hands through his hair and hung on as grasped her hips and yanked her toward him, feasting on her like a starving man at a buffet. 

She could feel the pressure building, spiraling up from somewhere deep inside her. Her pants and moans became wilder and louder, and she pulled at his hair, grinding her hips into him, searching for that glorious release. It came with an intensity so sharp, Rey covered her mouth to keep from screaming. Her thighs trembled, and she felt his arms wrap around her, catching her as she went limp. He lifted her and set her carefully onto the bed. She reached out for him and brought him to her for a kiss, tasting herself as her tongue delved into his mouth. She drew back and raised her arms, allowing him to pull her shirt off, revealing her small, pert breasts, the nipples already hardened into peaks. 

He trailed small, sweet kisses from her neck, down past her collarbones, to her navel and back up again, following her soft gasps as beacons that led to the places she needed him the most. When his warm, wet mouth covered her nipple, she moaned and caressed his body. Anywhere they could, her hands roamed until they came to the waistband of his underwear. She curled her fingers inside, pulling them down gently and groaning as his cock sprang free. She wrapped her hand around it, rubbing her thumb over the flushed tip, spreading the precum around the head. Rey marveled at the sight of it jutting out, hard and ready, too big for her fingers to meet as they wrapped around him. 

Her eyes widened, and she looked up at him, briefly worried at the size, but he only smiled and reassured her with a kiss. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you,” he whispered against her lips. 

He shifted off her for a moment and returned with a condom. Rey fleetingly acknowledged it gratefully before returning to her exploration of his incredibly hard body. She felt his hand drift down her torso, past her abdomen, and between her legs, slipping a finger into her wet cunt. She made small mewls of pleasure as he massaged her, whispering heated words against her skin.

“God, you’re so wet. I’m going to get you ready for me and you’ll take it all so good. You’re so beautiful. I can’t wait to be inside of you.”

She was going to burst into flames if she didn’t feel him inside her right now. His words and his touch were making her already fevered mind go completely blank. All thoughts disappeared, replaced by pure, aching need. She cried out as he gently eased a second thick finger into her and he groaned against her neck.

“You’re like sliding over hot silk. You feel so good.”

Rey shuddered to hear his voice say such things to her. She’d never been talked to this way, never had anyone touch her like he was touching her—like he was laying claim to her. Like he owned her body and soul. She was overwhelmed with his fingers’ sensation inside of her, stretching her cunt to get it ready for him. 

“Please,” she whimpered, pulling him down to her chest to feel his tongue flatten out and drag roughly over her sensitive nipples, alternating breasts until she was panting wildly. Her hips thrust up to meet his probing fingers, desperate for more.

“Are you ready?” he asked, sliding his hand out and reaching for the condom.

“Yes,” she gasped, reaching down with greedy hands to drag his cock to her, attempting to guide him in. He softly moved her hands away, laughing at her eagerness, and took a moment to roll on the condom. Rey propped herself onto her elbows for a better view and sighed with contentment as she felt him sink smoothly into her. Her eyes closed, and her head fell back as he pushed all the way in and settled into the cradle of her hips. The stretch was delicious torture. This was the biggest she had ever had. 

He began to move inside her, finding a robust and steady rhythm. Rey couldn’t help but moan at every thrust that seemed to be deeper and harder than before. As his tempo increased, she wrapped her legs around his waist, locking her ankles together and rocking her hips up to meet his downward thrusts. His pelvis was grinding steadily against her clit, and Rey could feel her second orgasm building as his throbbing cock pounded relentlessly, hitting that sweet spot inside her. 

He wrapped his arms around her then, pulling her up into his lap, bouncing her on him, slamming up into her, and Rey keened at the sheer euphoria she felt as her body trembled around his. She came with a long, broken shout of “Ye-essss,” her walls clenching hard around him in the strongest orgasm she had ever felt in her life. Pure sensation washed over her as he continued to pump into her, his hands gripping her hips, finding his release soon after with a groan as he buried his face between her breasts.

She threaded her hands through his hair, shivering as they both came down from their climax. He lifted his head to look at her, and Rey caressed his stubbled cheek. 

“You’re incredible,” he said. 

She felt a tiny tremble at the intensity in his honeyed eyes. He was so beautiful.

The next thing she knew, she was lying in his arms, on the verge of dreams, listening to him murmur words of praise like  _ beautiful, amazing, so soft. _

She felt a brief flutter of panic before sleep overtook her when she heard him whisper  _ just you,  _ and _I could_ _ hold you forever. _

* * *

Ben stretched in the morning sun, feeling rested and alert for the first time in a very long while. He immediately remembered the previous night, how she had moved beneath him, the sounds she made as she came while he was inside of her. Just thinking about her was getting him hard. He reached out to touch her, hoping for a repeat performance, only to find an empty place next to him. He sat up and looked around, trying to find her and coming up empty. 

“R…” he began, the sound stopping before it could form a name. What was her name? 

_ Holy shit, what the fuck is her name? _

It started with R. He remembered that. Rachel? Riley? No.

“Shit. Uh...hello?” he called out. He waited, but no response came. No sounds from the bathroom or the kitchen. He pulled on a pair of sweats and went through the house to the living room. 

No stunning beauty in his button-down and fluffy socks drinking coffee on the couch. Nothing.

She was gone.

“Well, fuck.”

That was that. Ben fleetingly wondered if it was him. Maybe she didn’t enjoy herself and wanted to cut and run before dealing with the awkward morning after. 

Only it seemed like she had enjoyed herself. Ben was no Casanova, but he liked to think he had some skills and could tell the difference between a real and fake orgasm. 

Or maybe this was just a regular thing for her and she did it all the time. But he didn’t want to think about that, either. That bothered him more than a fake orgasm, even though he knew he had no right to judge. Still, it wasn’t exactly an ego boost. And he didn’t even have a name or a number to call to see if they could see each other again. 

_ Let it go, Solo. You got a hot story to tell the next time you see Hux.  _

Only he knew he wouldn’t tell Hux or anyone else about her. He would hold on to his memories of his mystery woman. 

_ Holding on is a bad idea. Let it go. _

“Shit.” He ran his hand through his hair and shrugged resignedly. 

It’s just as well. Ben didn’t need to juggle romance on top of leaving his job in Coruscant and moving back home. Sighing, he wandered back into his bedroom to clean up and get ready for the day, allowing himself one more moment to mourn her loss before he let her go, leaving behind only a faint memory of her musical laugh and her hazel eyes. 


	3. Chapter 3

"I wish I could touch you again  
I wish I could still call you friend  
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now  
For they're long gone  
I guess I just didn't know how  
I was all wrong

They knew better  
Still you said forever  
And ever  
Who knew"

-P!nk "Who Knew"

"Trying to make a move just to stay in the game  
I try to stay awake and remember my name  
But everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"

\- Keane "Everybody's Changing"

**JULY**

“Ok, we need to establish the three piles. Keep, toss, donate. We’ll set up the boxes for the things you’re keeping and donating and garbage bags for the stuff you’re tossing. Ready, pack rat?” 

It was far too early on a Saturday to be working at packing Rey’s room up, in her opinion. Rose had decided that her thorough consumption of reality DIY shows had made her an expert in cleaning, packing, and ridding your life of clutter. She had been threatening Rey with an overhaul ever since she had binged Marie Kondo’s “Tidying Up” series on Netflix. Her eyes were wild with a zealot’s gleam as she eyed the disarray before her. 

“I guess,” Rey sighed. Nothing about this appealed to her. She just wanted to crawl back into bed and sleep the day away. She couldn’t seem to get up and go the last couple of days. She chalked it up to the late July heat and the anxiety of moving from bustling Coruscant to Chandrila—the town that time forgot. She groaned, took a sip of her iced coffee so generously brought by her best friend, and looked around in bewilderment. “Where do we start?”

“What’s with you? You ok?” Rose looked the slightest bit deflated. Rey felt just a little guilty at not showing proper enthusiasm for Rose’s project.

“I’m just drained,” Rey said, sitting on the edge of her bed in a daze. “Can’t seem to shake it.”

“Are you sick?” Rose reached over to feel Rey’s forehead.

“Nah. Just tired. It’s the heat getting to me.”

“Do you not want to do this?” 

Rey almost laughed at Rose’s expression. She would never understand her friend’s enthusiasm for cleaning and organizing. 

“No. It needs to be done. Just point me in the right direction, boss.”

“Ok, you start with the closet. Keep, toss, donate. Got it?”

“Yep.”

Rey shuffled over to the closet, dragging her feet like a petulant child. She snorted when she heard Rose mumble, “Big ole baby.” 

“I heard that.”

“I know you did. Get busy, lazy ass.”

Rey reached up to the shelf above the clothes hanging on the rod in the closet and brought down a box marked “miscellaneous.” _ Might as well start here, _ she thought. After spending the last three years not throwing anything away, it was a crapshoot as to what she’d find in the damn box. She grunted and set it down on the closet floor, sitting cross-legged in front of it and opening the dusty flaps. 

She wasn’t prepared for the memories to come back so quickly. Her own Pandora’s box of sorrow sat right in front of her, and she had to fight to calm her ragged breaths, and the sting of impending tears as everything flooded back all at once. 

Rey remembered sitting in Maz’s one-bedroom apartment in the empty living room, all furniture cleared out and sold or donated, save a small, beat-up chair in the corner. Finn had handled the business with the landlord and Rey sat holding the box, waiting to leave. He had offered to carry it for her, but she’d refused.  It was all that remained of Maz's possessions, all they had left of her. Nothing of value—more sentimental than anything. It was just a box of memories. She and Finn had decided to store it away until a later time when the pain of their mother’s death wasn’t so fresh. 

Now here she was, three years later, on the floor of her closet, with a faded cardboard box containing the remnants of the only real parent she and Finn had ever really known. 

Rey reached inside, already feeling the telltale sign of a crying jag. Her nose burned, her throat constricted, and her eyes blurred as she pulled their childhood out of the small box. A drawing Finn had made of the three of them, ticket stubs from movies and museums Maz had dragged them to in an attempt to force culture upon them. Then one item, in particular, caught her attention. 

The tears began to flow as Rey pulled the music box out and wound it up. It was a tiny, cheap little thing she and Finn had gotten off of some internet site where you could choose your music to go in a premade box. They had chosen “Ruby Tuesday,” one of Maz’s favorite Rolling Stones tunes. It was the song she used to sing to Rey as she brushed her hair before bed. 

Rey could almost feel Maz’s soft hands combing through her hair, fingers braiding it, humming softly, and placing a kiss on the top of her head. 

“Goodnight, Ruby Tuesday,” she’d say as she turned out the light.

And Rey, the tiny little thing that she was would respond, “I’m not Ruuuuuby, I’m Rey!”

Maz would smile and tell her goodnight anyway, and to hold on to her dreams. Every night like clockwork, she’d say to her: “Hold on to your dreams, Ruby Tuesday.” And Rey had. Even through the sickness, Maz’s death, and the fear and loneliness that followed. 

You lose your dreams; you lose your mind.

Toward the end, the music box would be the only thing that could lull Maz into sleep and the pain-free bliss of a brief dream. 

“Rey?”

Rey snapped out of her memory and stared up at Rose through a haze of tears, her shoulders shaking with quiet sobs. She could make out Finn behind her, looking horrified at Rey’s obvious distress. 

“Rose, what in the hell is going on?”

“I have no idea. I turned my back for five minutes, Finn. Rey, what’s wrong?”

Wordlessly, Rey held up the music box. 

“Oh, Rey,” Finn said, sinking to the floor and wrapping his arms around her. She buried her face in his shoulder and cried for what seemed like an eternity before her sobs eventually slowed into stuttering hiccups and dramatic sniffles. 

“All better?” he asked. 

She wiped her face with the back of her hand and nodded. She was exhausted. 

“Sorry, you guys. It just hit me hard right now.”

“Don’t apologize, kiddo,” Finn reassured her. “It’s an important time for you. She would have been so damn excited. You know she’d be scrolling through Pinterest boards to find the perfect classroom set-up to make every other teacher jealous.”

Rey gave a watery laugh. “You’re so right,” she said with a final sniffle. She took a deep breath and stretched. “At least I have you and Rose to help me tackle that issue.”

“Oh, I can’t freaking wait,” Rose said. “I have bookmarked some of the cutest damn things, and I may or may not have already ordered a crapload of stuff from a teacher supply site.”

“Rose! You didn’t have to do that!”

“It’s done. You just have to let me know the schedule.”

“As soon as I know, you’ll know, boss.” Rey hauled herself up and grabbed the box of Maz’s things, handing it over to Finn. “I’m okay now. Why don’t you go through this and take what you and Poe will want to keep? I’d like the music box, though. If that’s okay.”

“Of course,” Finn told her. His gentle eyes were understanding. He and Maz had a great relationship, but it was different with Rey. She had been younger and had an easier time bonding with Maz. They were inseparable from the time Rey was eight years old. Maz had been the only source of consistency after five years of bouncing from one foster home to the next. Maz’s illness had hit Rey the hardest. It was yet another thing in her life she was not able to control. She reached out and squeezed Finn’s hand in thanks. 

“Love you, man.”

“I freaking love you back,” he said, snapping the tension and causing them all to break into laughter. 

“You gonna be okay, Rey?” Rose asked. Rey could tell Rose was unsure if she should continue or give up altogether. She decided to throw her a bone. 

“I’m fine. I got it out of my system.”

“Great, because there’s still a lot to do, and I want to show you those classroom ideas.”

“Oh! I forgot,” Finn said, setting down the box and handing Rey an envelope from his back pocket. “This was in the mail for you from your school district.”

Excitement broke out on Rey’s face, and she climbed onto her bed, tearing open the envelope. 

She unfolded the thick stack of papers and began to read. Confusion and disappointment marred her expression, and she let out a groan. 

“What’s wrong?” Rose sat next to her, peeking over at the letter. 

“Nothing’s wrong, really,” Rey replied. “The principal, Mr. Erso, decided to take an early retirement package. I’m just disappointed. I was excited to work with him. We seemed to click. This letter is his goodbye to everyone. And then there’s another one from the new principal. Benjamin Organa-Solo. Sounds fancy.”

“A hyphenated name? Sounds pretentious to me,” Rose said with a laugh. “Well, a boss is a boss. Hopefully, this one knows what he’s doing.”

“If he doesn’t, I’m in trouble. It’ll be the blind leading the blind,” Rey laughed. “Okay, here’s the schedule. I report in two weeks. I can pick up my keys then.”

“Perfect! Now let’s get back to work so we can eat and scour Pinterest boards like all the cool kids.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Rey stuffed the papers back into the envelope and tossed it on her desk. She still felt disappointed about not being able to work with Mr. Erso. He had been enthusiastic about Rey’s ideas. They totally would have gotten along. Pulling another box down from her closet shelf, Rey briefly wondered if she would get along with this Benjamin Organa-Solo. 

* * *

“Ms. Organa! It’s so good to see you! Are you here to help Ben get settled?” 

Ben groaned and rubbed the back of his neck, already tense at the sound of Chandrila Elementary’s school secretary, Kaydel Connix, announcing his mother’s presence in the school office on Monday morning. Ben was sitting on the floor of his private office, unpacking cardboard boxes full of artwork, degrees, and framed photos to hang and place around the small room that was now his. It was definitely not big enough to handle him, his unpacked property, and his mother’s personality all at once.

It was just like her to waltz in unannounced and steamroll anyone and everyone who got in her way. Not for the first time, Ben wondered why she couldn’t enjoy her retirement on the golf course or cruising the Mexican Riviera like other women her age. 

“Hello, Kaydel! How are you? How’s your mom?”

Ben rolled his eyes. The perils of growing up in Chandrila—everyone knew everyone. That included their ancestry, their history, and all their business. You couldn’t sneeze in Chandrila without someone across town hearing about it and wanting to be the first to bless you.

It also didn’t help that he and Kaydel had gone to school together since kindergarten. It was like working with a nosy family member right outside his door. There were no secrets. She knew everything about him. Briefly, he longed for the anonymity he’d had as an assistant principal in Coruscant. He would have to get used to living under a microscope all over again now that he was back home. 

He made a mental note to invest in a white noise machine so Kaydel wouldn’t listen to his phone calls. 

“I’m in here, mom!” Ben called out to his mother. The sooner he got her in his office, the sooner he could send her on her way. Leia Organa-Solo never did anything without a purpose, and Ben could guess she wasn’t just dropping by to say hello. He heard her excuse herself from Kaydel before bursting through his open office door, arms wide open.

“Baby boy!” 

“Jesus, mom,” he laughed. “What are you doing here?”   


“Now is that any way to greet me? Maybe I just wanted to say hello to you and visit my old stomping grounds. You don’t look too busy sitting there on the floor.”

“Mother, you were principal here for seven years. I think you’re very much aware of just how busy I am. And you’re lying. You never just pop in anywhere to say hello. So spill it, so I can get back to the stimulating job of unpacking boxes of things I probably won’t look at for the next six months.”

“Well, someone’s fussy.”

“I’m not a toddler. I’m exasperated and busy, not fussy.” He sat staring at her, knowing how much she hated silence. It was the same tactic his father had used when he was alive. Stare at her long enough, and she would crack. 

“Fine,” she huffed, and Ben reacted with a smirk. “I just heard that you have a new teacher on campus this year.”

“We have two. One brand new, just out of college, and…”   
  
“And Jyn Erso transferred from Bespin Middle School.”

“I’m aware.”

“She’s always been a nice girl, Ben. Don’t you think?”

“Are you seriously doing this right now?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Mom, Jyn, and I have never gotten along. What makes you think you can play matchmaker with us now? Especially with me as her principal. That’s just nuts.”

“Is that what you think I was doing?”

“You are the worst at playing coy. I love you, mom, but no matchmaking. I mean it. Now I have to get to work. You reminded me I have to do some paperwork with the new hire. Some guy named Rey Jackson.” 

“Woman!” Kaydel hollered from the front desk. “Rey is a woman, and she’s charming and sweet. You’re going to love her. She has the prettiest dimples.”

“Kaydel quit being nosy!” Ben laughed at her eavesdropping, but something tickled at the back of his mind. Something about the name Rey, and dimples. Before it could take shape, Leia had continued talking.

“Charming, sweet, and dimpled, huh Kaydel? Tell me more!”

“Nope. No more. Time to go, mom. You need to figure out a less invasive way of spending your retirement,” he urged, ushering her through the front office to the door. “Take up floral arrangements or knitting.”

“Well, if I had a little one to knit things for…” she began.

“You’re killing me. Goodbye, mom. I’ll see you Sunday for dinner.”

“Feel free to bring someone with you anytime,” Leia winked at Ben, causing him to frown. She pressed her thumb between Ben’s eyebrows to smooth out the wrinkles and laughed. “You look just like your father when you make that face. I’m only teasing. I love you, son. See you Sunday. Bye, Kay!” She waved cheerily at Kaydel before turning to head out of the office.

“Bye!” Kaydel waited until the door had closed behind Leia before turning to Ben and chuckling. “Aren’t you glad you moved back, Ben?” she teased. 

“Thrilled,” Ben groaned. “I’ll be in my office. Hold my calls, Miss Connix.” 

“Yes, sir, Mr. Solo, sir,” she laughed, giving him a mock salute. 

Ben retreated into his office, pulled the blinds on his window, and turned up the radio, hoping to drown out any further interruptions while preparing his office. He tried not to think about what his mother had said about knitting things for little ones. He wouldn’t mind a little one, but not with Jyn Erso. That woman was a pain in the neck and had been since middle school. He was not looking forward to having to work with her. He just knew she’d butt heads with him every step of the way. He wondered if this Rey Jackson would be different. Shrugging, he sat back down on the floor and continued unpacking his books and manuals that, as he’d said to his mother, he probably wouldn’t have the time to look at for the next six months.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so tickled at all the lovely responses I’m getting from you guys. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoy the ride!

"Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts

It's not easy facing up, when your whole world is black"

Rolling Stones - “Paint it, Black’

**  
AUGUST**

Rey’s first day of work for the new school year dawned sunny, crisp, and blue. She had been encouraged to dress casually for the day, so she slipped on her favorite jeans and a Chandrila school shirt. She had picked it up from the school office the previous day, hoping she would meet with the new principal ahead of time, but the secretary, Kaydel, had informed Rey she’d just missed him. Rey had been disappointed. She’d wanted to get the awkward first meeting out of the way before interacting with new colleagues. That way, she’d at least have someone to whom she could anchor herself.

Now she just felt adrift in a sea of uncertainty. All the old insecurities came rushing back in a wave. Would they hate her? Would she hate them? What if she was just terrible at it? Her stomach lurched in protest of her negative thoughts, and she had to put her hand on the wall to steady herself. She shook it off with a few deep breaths and headed to the bathroom. At least casual wear meant she could spend some extra time on hair and makeup. 

She exited her room sometime later, navigating the cardboard boxes, milk crates, and piles of clothing that Rose had been nagging her about for the last week. It was only one of the many things Rose had been riding her about:

_ Pack your things for moving, Rey. Take the donation boxes to the thrift shop, Rey. You need to unpack all these boxes, Rey. _

Rose was very much in need of a hobby. One that was  _ not _ Rey.

Even eight weeks later, Rose was still bugging her for details about her “sexcapade” the night of their new job celebration—the night she hadn’t come home till the wee hours of the morning, shoes in hand and panties in her purse.

_ Where did you go? What did you do? Why didn’t you call one of us to get you instead of paying for an Uber? What did you say his name was? _

Only she hadn’t said his name. She was embarrassed to admit that she couldn’t remember his name, just a few things about their...activities. Something that had her alternating between blushing and fueling her fantasies in the middle of the night. But never a name. It had to have been Bob, or Brent. It was something with a B. She just hadn’t stuck around to ask. Rey had been too embarrassed to wake him and face the perfect stranger she’d had wild monkey sex with after a night of binge drinking. So she had slipped out and just pretended like it never happened, and deftly changed the subject whenever Rose brought it up.

As far as her new living situation went, Rey had just been so exhausted from the packing, cleaning, and moving into her tiny little rental house, that she hadn’t had the energy to unpack yet. At some point, Rose would end up losing her patience and do it for Rey anyway. She just needed to wait her out. 

Right on cue, Rey heard her phone ping with a text notification. She smiled to herself upon seeing Rose’s picture and a text from her on the phone screen.

**_Rose_ ** _ : I’m so so so excited for you! Happy first day! I’ll be by at 1:00 to help set up. Is that still good? _

_ Yep. As far as I know. I’ll text you if anything changes. Thank you so much for doing this! _

**_Rose_ ** _ : I wouldn’t miss it! Are you kidding me?? Xoxo. See you soon, Toots. _

No sooner had she set the phone down when it pinged again.

**_Finn_ ** _ : Hey sis. I just wanted to say have a great day. Poe and I are so proud of you, and we know mama Maz is looking down on you too. Let us know if you need anything. I mean it! I miss you.  _

_ Excuse me, but I have a very artfully applied eye makeup look going, and your sappy text is not helping me keep my shit together.  _

**_Finn_ ** _ : LMAO Well...sorry for the tears.  _

_ I kid. I appreciate it and I miss you guys too. I’ll def let you know when/if I need anything. I have Rose helping me set up today. Super excited, but nervous too. I’ll call you tonight with details.  _

**_Finn_ ** _ : Sounds good. Talk to you then. Love you. _

_ Xoxo _

Smiling to herself, Rey set her phone on the counter and set about making her breakfast and coffee. She brought her plate to the table, checking the time before sitting down. She still had twenty minutes before she needed to leave. It was enough time to eat and clean up before  heading out the door . She had just loaded her fork with a bite of scrambled eggs when the smell hit her. Something was off. She felt her stomach flop again, and she dropped the fork to her plate. 

“Oh, no,” she groaned. She could feel it happening. She jumped to her feet and ran to the bathroom, hurtling over unfolded laundry, making it just in time to empty her stomach’s meager contents into the toilet. She heaved until there was nothing left, then sat with a thump on the bathroom floor, leaning back against the wall. She hadn’t realized just how nervous she was about starting her new job. She hauled herself up and over to the sink to brush her teeth and wipe her face with a cool cloth. 

_ So much for my artfully applied eye makeup _ , she thought as she wiped her face down and took a few deep, cleansing breaths. She gave up on trying anything too adventurous with her makeup now that she had only a few minutes to spare and settled for a quick swipe of mascara and some lip gloss. It was just as well. She and Rose would be decorating a classroom all afternoon. It wasn’t a formal affair. 

Sighing, Rey threw away the offending eggs, trying to avoid the smell as she did so, and placed the plate in the sink to deal with later. She grabbed her purse and bag of supplies and went out to see what the day had in store for her. 

Fifteen minutes later, Rey found herself standing in the center aisle of the Mon Mothma Performing Arts Auditorium at Chandrila Senior High School, taking in the mass of humanity filling all the seats around her. She had no idea such a small town could have such a large group of teachers, administrators, paraprofessionals, and the myriad people in maintenance, food services, ground crew, and transportation running the show. Rey was clueless. She was sure it would take forever for her to learn all there was to know about teaching and this district. She worried her lip nervously between her teeth. She scanned the crowd, finally seeing an empty seat in what looked like the Chandrila Elementary section if the matching tee shirts were any inclination. The chair was right next to a towering lumberjack of a man, but at this point, Rey just wanted to sit down. The anxiety and nausea hadn’t quite abated yet, and the last thing she needed would be to keel over or toss her cookies in front of a room full of strangers. She hurried past groups of chatty women and bored men and arrived in front of her mark.

“Hi, is this spot saved?” Rey pointed to the auditorium seat next to a very tall, red-haired man with a full beard and sparkling blue eyes, dressed as casually as everyone else and wearing a smart black polo shirt with the Chandrila Chargers logo embroidered in red and silver. “It seems like they corralled us into school sections.”

“It’s all yours,” he said. “So you’re the new girl at good old Chandrila?” 

“That’s me,” she nodded and pointed to herself, “Rey Jackson. How did you guess?”

“You still look excited to be here. Give it a couple of years, and you’ll just look irritated at having to be in here instead of setting up your classroom.” He chuckled at her horrified expression. “I’m teasing. I’ve lived in this town my whole life. I didn’t recognize you. It doesn’t take Hercule Poirot to figure out you’re new here. If you’re Jackson, you’re room B3. You’re going to be right next door to me. I’m in B4. I’m Hux,” he said, holding his hand out and giving Rey a vigorous handshake. 

“Just Hux?” she asked. “Like Cher? Or McLovin?”

Hux barked out a loud laugh, startling more than one person sitting in their section. Rey couldn’t help but join in. If you could describe anyone as ‘merry’, it was this man.

“Nothing so infamous. No, Hux is my last name. I’ve gone by that or AB since high school. Saves needless teasing.”

“Teasing? Yikes. What does ‘AB’ stand for?”

“Armitage Brendol.”

“Ahh, Hux it is, then.”

“Much obliged.”

“So, what grade do you teach?”   
  
“Second. Same as you.”

“Second? You’re a second-grade teacher?” She looked him up and down in disbelief.

“That’s not very 21st century of you, now is it?”

“Ha! Touche.”

“I’ve always taught primary grades. I love this age. Second and third grade? They still want to listen to their teacher and learn something. And you don’t have to tie their shoes like kinders and preschoolers. There’s nothing worse than tying a wet shoelace on a day that isn’t rainy.”

“Oh my god, that’s disgusting.” Rey’s shoulders shook with laughter at Hux’s anecdote. She was excited to have someone as fun and lighthearted as him as a teaching partner. 

“It’s one of those things they don’t tell you in school. Along with side hugs.”

“Side hugs?”

“Yeah, this age is super affectionate. The kids always want to hug you. So if you don’t want a kid’s face slammed up against your front, you have to make sure you come in sideways. Have to be quick, though. Like, as soon as you see them coming, you have to twist.” He stood then and twisted his massive body, sticking his hip out to the side and miming a pat on a phantom student. Rey looked around, her eyes wide, mortified that someone might see him looking so foolish.

“Oh my god,” she covered her mouth, trying to suppress her laughter.

“I’m telling you. Practice the side hug. You’ll thank me later.” He sat back down and turned his attention to the stage as a tall man walked up to a podium and introduced himself.

“Good morning! I’m Lando Calrissian, and I’m the superintendent of the school district for those of you who don’t know me. I’d like to welcome you all back to Chandrila School District for the new school year. As most of you know, it’s my job every year to introduce the new hires to the district, but first I’d like to shout out to our staff and faculty from our school family starting with Mon Mothma Primary School.” A polite round of applause followed as the superintendent read off the schools’ names in succession: Chandrila Elementary, Bespin Middle, and Chandrila Senior High School. Rey was reminded of the Hogwarts sorting ceremony as she let her eyes roam over the sea of educators in the auditorium. Each school had its own section, color-coded in school spirit. Green, red, blue, and yellow—one for each. It was an interesting aesthetic. She looked back up at the stage to listen to the superintendent as he continued his welcome speech. 

“We have a few new hires this year, so I’ll start with the new staff at Chandrila.”

A chorus of cheers and applause went up around Rey as the teachers and staff of Chandrila cheered on their school while the other schools booed and jeered in a mock challenge. Rey flushed and looked at Hux in confusion. He only laughed and said, “You’ll get used to it. Most of us went to school together as kids. We can’t seem to shake the high school class battles from back in the day.”

“I see. So it’s one big happy family?”

“More like moderately satisfied dysfunctional relatives who have to get together once a year to pretend they like each other, but sure.”

As the superintendent quieted everyone down, he looked down at his paper and continued his introduction. “All right, all right, let’s hold applause until everyone has come up on stage, ok?”

“I have to go up on stage?” Rey hissed in Hux’s direction. Her palms were already sweating, and she could feel her heart pounding in her ears.

“How else are you going to get introduced and become the current gossip in the district, New Girl?” Hux teased. When she frowned back at him, he asked, “You  _ are  _ planning on standing in front of a class every day, right?”

“In front of kids, Hux. Adults who all know each other is something completely different.”

“You’ll be fine, Rey,” he said. “We have all been there. You’ll stand up, they’ll applaud, you’ll sit down, and they’ll move onto the next school. No big deal.”

Rey turned her attention back to the superintendent and tried to control her rapid heartbeat. 

“First, we have a transfer from Bespin Middle School. No stranger to the district, of course, Ms. Jyn Erso. Our new principal, the prodigal son returning, Mr. Ben Solo. And our newest hire, fresh out of school, Miss Rey Jackson. Please come on up and let’s give you a proper welcome.”

Rey felt Hux give her a slight shove with his arm, a wide grin, and a teasing sparkle in his eye. Rey felt incredibly shaky as she wobbled up the steps to the stage on newborn colt legs. Rey turned to the audience full of faculty and staff in front of her and tried to steady her breathing, giving a slight wave and a nervous smile. On her left, she was joined by a woman around her own age, but probably a few years older based on the fact that she had only transferred and wasn’t a new hire. This must be Jyn. Rey extended her hand to the woman, who grasped it and shook with a gentle smile and a friendly wink.

“Welcome to the Thunderdome,” she whispered conspiratorially. Rey giggled and saw Jyn focus on something over her shoulder. The look in her eyes went from warmth to irritation. Rey turned around to see what had gotten the other woman’s attention. Something made the hairs stand up on her arms when she saw the wavy raven hair, the aquiline nose, and the warm, golden-brown eyes.

_ Do I know this man? _ she thought. 

His eyes went wide when he saw her. His shock turned quickly to concern for a moment, but Rey couldn’t understand why. Then it hit her. Like an old-fashioned stereoscope, his face seemed to come together from multiple angles, creating the three-dimensional man in front of her. And everything snapped into place like the final piece of a jigsaw puzzle in her mind. She saw it all. Pineapple, dancing, slow kisses in the backseat of a car. Then later—faster kisses in the dark of a bedroom that smelled like sunshine and fresh laundry. The dreamy, muddled images of mouths and hands in the dark, just out of reach, suddenly became this tangible thing with a name and made the blushing memory of him all too real. Those eyes like Tennessee Honey stared back at her in disbelief. That beautiful mouth that had been  _ everywhere  _ was gaping at her. 

She could feel the heat spreading up her neck to her face. Her breathing rapidly increased; she felt like she was swimming in the ocean and there was nothing below her to anchor herself to. She was barely keeping herself above water.

Benjamin. Organa. Solo.

Not Bob or Brent. 

Ben. 

As quickly as it had all come into sharp focus, the edges around her vision blurred and everything went black.


	5. Chapter 5

“And if you have a minute why don’t we go

talk about it somewhere only we know

this could be the end of everything

so why don’t we go somewhere only we know”

Keane - “Somewhere Only We Know”

“Miss Jackson? Miss Jackson? Rey?” Rey could hear someone calling her as if from a long distance. It was like when she and Finn would use old Chef Boyardee ravioli cans to make telephones with the shoestring from Maz’s workboot stretched tight between them. They would call to each other, the cans covering their mouths as they talked for hours until Maz scolded them for messing up the boot laces. 

“Sorry, mama,” she murmured. She could feel gentle hands pushing her hair off her face and pressing a cool cloth to her forehead. Slowly, she returned to the present and realized she was not at home with Finn getting chastised for some childish stunt they had pulled together. She bit back a sob as everything around her righted itself. 

“No, Rey, it’s Jyn. Jyn Erso. Are you ok?”

Questions began tumbling over her from all sides, and she fought to stay focused through the anxiety of having so many eyes on her.

“Should we call 911?”

“No, I think she’s coming around.”

Rey's vision cleared, and she looked around in confusion, trying to find a familiar face. She lifted her head from what must have been Jyn’s lap and noticed Hux a few feet away, standing next to Ben. Both had looks of concern on their faces.

She began to sit up, eager to remove herself from this painfully embarrassing situation.

“Slowly now,” Jyn said.

“I’m ok,” Rey mumbled. “I didn’t eat breakfast. I just got light-headed. God, I’m so embarrassed.”

She shot Hux a pleading look, and he seemed to understand—based on her previous hint at social anxiety—her need to get away from the prying eyes. He nodded and squeezed his way closer to her and helped her stand, ignoring Jyn’s protests.

“Well, you certainly know how to make a name for yourself, don’t you, New Girl? Do you want to go to the hospital?” He held on to her elbow to steady her, and Rey was grateful to have something other than Ben’s intense gaze to pull her focus.

“No, I think I just need something to eat, or some sugar or something,” she said weakly.

“Okay. Why don’t we get out of here, and I’ll take you to your classroom? You shouldn’t drive right now in any case. I have a fishbowl full of, well, Swedish Fish. You can sugar up and then figure out what you want to do next. We can come back for your car later. Does that sound okay?”

“Yes. That sounds good. Thanks so much, Hux.”

“No worries, kid.” He gave her a pat on the back and helped her down the stairs, stopping briefly to allow the district’s head of HR to inform Rey that she should fill out the paperwork for workman's comp. Hux rolled his eyes at the man.

“For fuck’s sake, Beau, give the girl some air. Don’t be such a twat.”

“Piss off Hux; I’m doing my job.”

“Thank you,” Rey said to the man. She vaguely remembered meeting him when she filled out her paperwork after being hired. “I’ll be sure to take care of it.” She smiled kindly and let Hux lead her out of the building. “What was that? Why were you so mean to him?”

“Mean?” Hux looked at her, a confused expression on his expressive face. “Oh, that? No, Beau is married to my sister, Ginny. And he  _ is _ a twat. That’s just us being a loving family. Come on; my car’s over here.”

Rey laughed softly, shaking her head. She was delighted to have found a fast friend in this crazy ginger man.

She turned back one last time before getting into Hux’s nondescript silver sedan’s seat. She managed to catch Ben standing in the doorway to the auditorium before he turned and walked back inside. But she was sure she hadn’t missed the mix of curiosity and jealousy on his face. 

* * *

“So, feeling better?” Hux looked at Rey with amusement—her cheeks filled out like a squirrel’s, full of gummy candy.

“I think so,” she replied.

They had stopped at a small cafe to pick up something for Rey to eat, but she couldn’t turn down the Swedish Fish, giving in to her childlike sweet tooth. She was feeling better and a little more prepared for the day.

“Good, because we have a staff meeting in five. One more hoop to jump through before tomorrow’s circus.”

“Circus?”

“Just all the training we have to do. CPR training, mandated reporting, bloodborne pathogens, all that enjoyable stuff.”

Rey grimaced. “Sounds just peachy.”

“You’ll never want to touch another human again after the bloodborne pathogens one. Trust me.”

Walking into the cafeteria, Rey could see about forty people milling around, getting coffee, chatting, and finding seats in the makeshift meeting area set up in the center of the room. Plastic boxes full of pens, pencils, highlighters, and sticky notes rested in on rectangular cafeteria tables. Hux led her to the one furthest from the front, and Rey gave an internal prayer of thanks that he wasn’t one of those front row rebels who always commented on everything. Finding a seat, she settled in, grabbing a pen and sticky notes if she needed to write anything down. Hux had excused himself to get a cup of coffee, and Rey thought about getting herself something when she looked up and saw Ben looking straight at her.

She could feel the telltale heat creeping up her neck as her breathing increased. Those expressive eyes darkened, and Rey felt her skin prickle in goosebumps at the memory of the last time he had looked at her like that. She would most definitely need to get control of her body’s reaction to him. As much as Rey wanted to break eye contact, she couldn’t, and she felt her heart begin to race as it looked like he was about to stand up. What would she do if he started talking to her?

“Hey! Are you feeling any better? I was worried about you.”

Rey nearly jolted out of her seat in surprise when Jyn Erso came up behind her without warning. She glanced back to see Ben had turned away and was busying about with papers, clearly trying not to look over at her.

“Oh, yes. I feel much better. Thank you. Low blood sugar, I guess. I had some food and candy, so I feel loads better.”

“I’m glad. Well, welcome to the district. Let me know if you need anything, OK?”

“Thanks, Jyn.”

The petite brunette smiled kindly and left to join her table, leaving Rey alone to chance a sneaky glance at Ben. He was only in a white button-up and striped tie, nothing special, but it didn’t help that she very much knew what was under that crisp, proper exterior. She squirmed a little in her seat and cleared her throat. Maybe a bottle of water would be a good idea.

* * *

Rey spent most of the meeting, a logistics briefing, and welcome to the new year spiel, trying to avoid eye contact with Ben. She was relieved to get a text from Rose as they were wrapping up.

**_Rose:_ ** _ I know I’m early, but I brought lunch. I’m in the parking lot. Help me drag all this stuff in! _

_ Ok, I’ll be right there.  _

Rey quickly excused herself from the table to go to the parking lot. She looped her lanyard with her school ID around her neck and jogged out to help Rose bring in all the classroom supplies she had purchased as if she were Rey’s proud parent.

“I can’t believe you did all this,” Rey said as she gaped at the bags and boxes of classroom decor, books, and miscellaneous odds and ends Rose had thought she might need. Rey could feel herself tearing up at her best friend. “It must have cost a fortune.”

“Girl, I have been hitting up teacher clearance sales for the past year in preparation for this. Plus, Paige said she would cover it and to tell you not to complain. So, I mean, you could try dealing with her. But I wouldn’t recommend it.”

Rose’s older sister, Paige, worked as an extremely successful lawyer, lived alone, owned her own home, and had no debt. She was a twenty-first-century anomaly who had always loved spoiling her kid sister with her good fortune. Since Rey and Rose had been inseparable since third grade, Rey was treated as a sister by association and had reaped the benefits of Paige’s generosity on more than one occasion.

“OK, remind me to at least pick up a thank you card,” Rey huffed.

It took three trips to get everything into the classroom. By the time they finished, they were sweaty and flustered and looking around at the mess that had accumulated in such a short time.

“Good lord, where do we start?” Rey mumbled, overwhelmed at the task ahead of her.

“You said you wanted to paint the door so you could use chalkboard markers on it. Why don’t you start there?” Rose suggested. She dug through a bag looking for the paint and brushes, and began to sing off-key: “I see a red door, and I want it painted blaaaaack.” She handed it over to Rey, and they both laughed at her rendition of the song.

“You’re a little pitchy, dawg,” Rey teased.

“Ha! Screw you.”

Rose took out her phone and started the song, “Paint It Black,” and in no time, the two were singing at the top of their lungs while Rose unloaded boxes, and Rey began to paint her classroom door. They were singing and laughing so loudly, Rey hadn’t heard anyone knocking. All of a sudden, the door flew open outward into the hallway. Rey stumbled forward, instinctively putting her hands out to brace herself, and proceeded to paint a four-inch-wide stripe down the front of Ben Solo.

“Holy shit! Oh my god, I’m so sorry! Honestly, can this day get any fucking worse?” Rey’s patience had snapped, and she didn’t realize until too late that she was spewing profanities, along with chalkboard paint, all over her boss.

“It’s uh...it’s ok,” Ben stammered, looking down at his now ruined shirt and tie. “The perils of elementary school. You know that at least one piece of clothing will end up covered in paint.” Rey tried to laugh it off, but it came out more like a croak. All of a sudden, she felt dizzy and needed to sit down.

“Hey, it’s ok,” he said, following her into the classroom and watching her sink into a child-sized chair, worry etched on his face. “Really. I didn’t like this tie anyway.”

“Well, at least you’re a good sport,” Rose’s cheery voice carried across the classroom as she turned the music down. “I’m Rose. Rose Tico. Rey’s most bosom friend. You look familiar. Have we met?”

“Rose, this is Mr. Solo. He’s the principal. Mr. Solo, this is my very  _ forward  _ friend, Rose.”

Rose stuck her tongue out at Rey before turning her attention back to Ben. “Well, it’s nice to meet you. But wow, you do look very familiar. Have you ever been to…”

“Rose, would you mind unloading that box of books over there?” she pointed to a cardboard box over by a sturdy-looking bookshelf. Rose narrowed her eyes at Rey but got the hint. Rey knew she would get an earful about it later.

“I um. I just came to see how you were feeling. I didn’t get a chance to talk to you after you fainted, and then with the meeting this morning…”

“I’m fine. Just fine. Thank you for asking.” Rey fidgeted with the paintbrush in her hands, wishing for a moment she could paint herself invisible and escape this uncomfortable mess.

He lowered his voice so only Rey could hear, fully aware that Rose was trying very hard to listen to every word.

“Do you think maybe we could go someplace and talk?”

“I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

His face fell, and Rey wanted to comfort him, apologize and find somewhere where they could hash everything out. But he was her boss. There was no way she could jeopardize her career by canoodling with her superior—as much as she may want to. It was best just to act as if nothing had happened.

“OK,” he nodded. “Okay, that’s fine. Um...well, welcome. And, if there’s anything you need, just, you know, let me know. It was nice to meet you, Rose.” He gave a friendly wave and grabbed the door handle, pushing on the door with the other hand, forgetting about the wet paint.

“Shit.” He waved Rey away as she started to apologize again. “Nope. It’s fine. I...okay. Bye.”

Rose waited just until the door latched behind him before she laid into Rey.

“Girl, what in the fuck is going on? That’s the guy from the bar, isn’t it? He’s the guy you left with that you refuse to talk about. Oh my god, holy  _ shit _ . He’s your boss?! And what was he talking about? When did you faint? I want answers, woman.”

Rey didn’t have the energy to think up a story to tell to placate Rose, so she gave in and told her the truth.

“Yeah, that’s him. But I didn’t know who he was. I swear to god I didn’t.”

“Well, of course you didn’t. You didn’t even know you were getting a new principal until last month.”

Rey hadn’t thought about that. She guessed technically she hadn’t done anything wrong—you know, other than screwing Ben’s brains out, bailing before the sun came up, and then refusing to talk to him about it. She put her face in her hands and groaned.

“And what did he mean when he said you fainted?” Rose came closer and tried to put her hand on Rey’s forehead. Rey batted her away like an annoying insect and set the paintbrush down.

“Stop it. I skipped breakfast this morning because I got sick. So then all the nerves hit me, and you know how I feel about large groups of people. Then I saw him, and I just got lightheaded.”

“But, you  _ fainted _ ?” Rose looked at her suspiciously.

“Yeah, I guess. But I think it was just low blood sugar.” Rey didn’t like the way Rose was eyeing her.

“Because you threw up?”

“Yeah.”

“Rey.”

“What?”

“What aren’t you telling me?”

“Nothing.”

“You’ve been weird, tired, and moody for weeks, and now you’re puking and fainting.” Her eyes got comically wide, and if they were in a cartoon, there would have been a lightbulb over her head, denoting her ‘aha’ moment. “Rey. Are you fucking pregnant?”

“What?” Rey shook her head and waved Rose away, walking over to continue working on the box of books. “No.”

“You definitely are.”

“It’s not possible, Rose.”

_ It’s not possible. It’s not. Keep saying it, and it’ll be right. _

“Did you or did you not fuck that guy?” Rose was becoming shrill. Rey cringed at the question and the volume of its delivery. “Has there been anyone else before or since?”

“Shh! Do you have to be so goddamn loud?”

“Well, answer the question,” Rose mocked her with a sort of whisper scream.

“No. OK? There hasn’t been anyone else. You know that. But just because I had sex with him doesn’t mean I’m pregnant. We used a condom. I’m positive we used a condom. I remember him…” Rey flushed with the sudden memory of him pushing her hands away and laughing at her eagerness.

“You couldn’t even remember the guy’s name, Rey.”

“I’m sure of it,” Rey said, sounding less sure by the minute.

Rose’s voice gentled, and she gave Rey her most sorrowful expression. “Well, you know they don’t always work.”

“I can’t be pregnant. I just can’t, Rose. It would ruin everything.”

Rey was on the verge of tears. She sank to the floor and wrapped her arms around herself. This day really could not get any worse. She took a shuddering breath as Rose sat down next to her.

“Calm down, Rey. Just breathe. Listen, why don’t we cut out of here? We’ll work on it tomorrow. We’ll get a test and go from there, okay?” She patted Rey on the shoulder and gave her a reassuring smile.

“Okay.” 

They tidied up what little they had unpacked and grabbed their bags. On the way out of the classroom, they saw Hux walking back to his room, stacks of colored construction paper in his arms. He smiled at Rey, and then he saw Rose, and his smile changed.

“Oh, hello there. How’s everything going?”

“It’s going okay. I’m just going to leave a little early. I don’t think I’m a hundred percent recovered from this morning.” Hux nodded in understanding and looked over at Rose. Rey could see her eyeing him up and down with interest. “Oh, I’m sorry, this is my friend Rose Tico. Rose, this is Hux. He’s the second-grade teacher next door.”

Rose’s eyes went soft, and she smiled sweetly. “Second grade. How cute. I never had a second-grade teacher who looked like you. Is Hux short for Huxley?”

Hux’s cheeks turned a violent shade of pink while he shook his head and smiled shyly. “No, just Hux. It’s nice to meet you, Rose.”

“It’s nice to meet you too, Hux,” Rose said with a wink. She not so subtly scanned Hux’s left hand, checking for a wedding ring, and shifted toward him. Rey rolled her eyes at Rose as she continued working her charm. “I’ll be back to help Rey tomorrow. Are you free for lunch? We could all go together.”

Hux looked taken aback, but he collected himself and broke into a charming grin. “Yeah, that sounds good. Why don’t we work out the details tomorrow? It was great to meet you, Rose.” He glanced at Rey as if he had forgotten she was there, “Oh. See you, Rey.”

“You’re too much,” Rey said as they got into Rose’s car to pick up Rey’s at the high school.

“Nope. I’m just enough. Gonna get me some fresh ginger.” She raised her eyebrows suggestively at Rey, who snorted at the gesture.

“Oh my god.”

* * *

Rey walked into her house with Rose trailing her with a bag full of various pregnancy tests. They had purchased nearly every brand available in the store. Rose had assured Rey this would be a good test sample. Rey just wanted to get it over with. She snatched the bag from Rose and began to walk to the bathroom when Rose stopped her.

“You need a lot of pee,” Rose said from inside one of the many cardboard boxes littering the house. “I swear to god if you don’t unpack this shit. Here, use this.” She held up a Pyrex measuring cup.

Rey made a gagging sound. “That’s disgusting, Rose. I use that to bake.”

“Well, what do you suggest? This place is a mess.”

“I think I have some plastic cups in that box. There. Give me one of those red Solo cups.”

“Haha,  _ Solo  _ cups. Like…”

“Shut it and give me the cup, you asshole.”

“Don’t spill,” Rose teased. Rey shut the bathroom door and set about peeing into the Solo cup. The ridiculousness of the situation was not lost on her. She had worked so hard and made so many sacrifices. Now, finally able to experience her first taste of freedom, she was five minutes away from being saddled with probably the most significant responsibility of all. She wanted to crawl into a ball and crying until she was as empty as she felt.

“You doing okay? You still peeing?” Rose shouted through the crack in the bathroom door.

“Shut up,” Rey grumbled, setting the cup on the bathroom counter and washing her hands.

“Let me in.”

Rey opened the door, and Rose swooped in and began opening packages. She laid out the tests in a row on the counter before taking each one by one and dunking them into the cup.

“This is pretty bizarre. It’s like dunking peppermint sticks in cider.”

“Seriously, what is wrong with you?” Rey looked at Rose like she was some type of pod person.

“I’m processing the situation in my way, Rey. Let’s be understanding, shall we?”

Rey made a fist and waved it in front of Rose’s face. “Go set the timer before I punch you.”

“Yes, Mommie dearest,” Rose chanted, skipping out of the bathroom.

“Well, that’s not funny.”

She heard Rose holler from the kitchen, “It’s a little bit funny.”

Rey sat on the bathroom floor to wait, knowing deep down that the next few minutes were going to be the longest of her life. Rose returned and sat down next to her. She reached over and took Rey’s hand in hers, threading their fingers together. Rey rested her head on Rose’s shoulder and took a deep breath.

“It’s set. Three minutes.”

“Rose, what if…?”

“Shhh. Not yet. Just exist right now. Just breathe.”

Rey nodded and closed her eyes. Three minutes. Just enough time.

“Sing with me,” Rey said quietly.

“OK.”

She kissed the top of Rey’s head, pulled out her phone, and opened up the music app. And that was the thing about Rose: she knew without having to be told. The tiny bathroom filled with the opening bars of The Rolling Stones and the two of them sang “Ruby Tuesday,” tears streaming down their faces and their hands held tight.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING: There is a brief implied reference to abortion. It is very quick in the dialogue after the second paragraph.

“We’ve got to live,

no matter

how many skies have fallen.”

D.H. Lawrence

“Positive. Positive. Positive. Oh, look, yup, positive.” Rose held each offending stick up in the air in turn, waving them around like some twisted conductor’s baton. Rey had never been so negatively affected by the word “positive” in her life. Rose’s “I told you so” tone was not helping her mood. 

Rey stared up at Rose from her seat on the floor. She hadn’t moved from that spot since Rose had set the timer—hadn’t wanted to. So Rey sat there, legs sticking straight out in front of her, hands clasped in her lap, staring into space. No crying this time. At the moment, she had no more tears left. She was all cried out. She couldn’t even enjoy the drama of being shocked. Subconsciously, she knew Rose’s hunch was going to be right. Rose was always right and it was maddening. She looked up at Rose and shrugged.

“So what the hell do I do now?”

“You should probably start by telling him.”

“Uh, uh.” Rey frowned and shook her head. “Nope. I’m not ready for that conversation.”

“Okay. We could google a doctor in the area. An OB/GYN. Unless...well…” Rose shuffled nervously, wringing her hands.

“Unless what?” Rey looked at her, confusion knitting her brows.

“You know, unless...if you don’t, I mean, there are options.”

“No.” Rey’s voice was strong, firm, and final.

“I mean, you don’t have to decide right now. You still have a bit of time.”

“I understand, and I appreciate it, and I’d never disrespect anyone who made that choice, but that’s not something that I want. So that’s off the table.”

“Fair enough,” Rose said. “OB/GYN it is. I can call around tomorrow before I come for lunch. Maybe Finn or Poe know someone in Coruscant…”

“Absolutely not!” Rey’s voice was loud enough to surprise Rose into momentary silence.

“Why not?” she asked.

“We aren’t going to tell them right now.”

“Rey, they’re going to find out sooner or later.”

“Look, just give me a break. I’m still trying to deal, ok?”

“Ok.”

“Will you stay here with me tonight? I don’t want to be alone.”

“Of course.”

“Thanks, Rose. I love you.” 

“I love you more. Come on, let’s go unpack some boxes!”

* * *

It had been one hell of a first day back for Ben. He couldn’t believe his dumb luck at finding the woman who had been haunting his dreams for the last two months. What were the chances that he would turn out to be her boss? She didn’t seem to want to have anything to do with him. She had fainted on sight when she looked at him and then refused to talk about it later. Then she let Hux comfort her. It shouldn’t have bothered Ben so much. Hux was his best friend—and just an all-around good guy. But it did. It bothered him—a lot.

Then, seeing her in the cafeteria, the way they had looked at each other, Ben could feel the connection between them. He knew it. And yet her dismissal of him in her room, right after destroying his shirt and tie with black paint—Kaydel had had a field day with that one before tossing him a school polo shirt to wear—left him wondering if he indeed was a disappointment.

He had stayed out of sight after leaving Rey’s room but had listened as she stopped by the office shortly after to inform Kaydel that she was going home early. She had said she still wasn’t feeling well. Ben had been more concerned than he should have been, trying to convince himself that any principal would be concerned for one of his teachers. It was purely professional. It had to be at this point. Right?

_ Sure, Ben. Professional. Then maybe stop staring at her like a lovesick teenager for a start. _

He gave up trying to concentrate on anything after four o’clock and decided to see if Hux was still on campus. Maybe he had some insight into Rey, considering how well they had hit it off. It irritated him to see Hux escorting her out of the auditorium and into his car, then sitting with her during the staff meeting later on. It seemed a little quick for them to be so friendly with each other. Ben stalked across campus to Hux’s classroom and knocked on the door before entering.

“Hey, boss man. What’s up?” Hux was perpetually cheerful, which only served to irritate Ben further. How could he be properly annoyed at someone like that?

“I’m over today. Are you done yet? Want to go grab some dinner?”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll meet you at Ezra’s. Sound good?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

“You ok?”

“Yeah, it’s just been a long day.”

“I hear that.”

“Okay, see you there.”

The drive over to Ezra’s Cafe was a short one. Every trip in Chandrila was a short one considering how small the town was. Ben could remember as a child how he had free rein to roam from one side to the other, putting many miles on his and Hux’s bikes as they rode around exploring, fishing in canals, trespassing in places they shouldn’t have been, and just generally being a thorn in everyone’s side. Ben had to laugh at the memories now, and how everyone must have hated the fact that no matter what shit they pulled, his mother would always manage to get them out of it. It was a double-edged sword being a teacher’s kid. When she became principal, and later a district administrator, it seemed everything Ben accomplished was tainted with that fine dust of nepotism. He was damned if he did and damned if he didn’t.

That was the reason he had decided to start his teaching career somewhere other than Chandrila. He wouldn’t let his career begin by riding his mother’s coattails. It seemed ironic, then, that he was where he was today—doing the same job, in the same town, at the same school as his mother. Ben supposed it was just the way his story was destined to be written from the start.

Shaking off the gloomy thoughts, he entered Ezra’s and grabbed a seat in a corner booth, sliding over the cracked, green plastic bench seat that had certainly seen better days. He smiled at the server who came up to his table, all braces and gangly limbs. Working summer and afternoon shifts at Ezra’s had been a rite of passage for Chandrila teens for decades. It seemed some things never changed.

“Can I get you something to drink to start?” she asked cheerily, handing him a stained, laminated menu printed in mismatched fonts boasting such fare as grilled cheese on Texas toast and tuna melts with a side of curly fries.

“Yeah, just an iced tea will do. Can I get another menu?”

“Sure,” she said, retrieving one from the counter and handing it to him. “Be right back.”

Ben fiddled with the menu, occasionally glancing out the window to the main street outside. The town was quiet this afternoon, with just a few kids playing around on their front lawns, going for walks, or riding their bikes and enjoying their summer vacation’s last lazy moments. The chime at the door got his attention, and he turned to see Hux stride in and flop into the seat opposite Ben.

“Hi, Mr. Hux! What can I get you to drink?”

“Hey there, Jess. Just a soda right now.”

“Got it.”

Hux smiled his thanks at the girl and turned his attention to Ben. “So. First day as the boss man. How did it go?”

“It went.”

“That well, huh?”

“It was a lot. I know I probably forgot something. I’m sure Jyn or Ms. Holdo will be the first to remind me in the morning.”

Hux laughed in response. “You and Jyn are still at each other’s throats? It’s been years. What is it now?”

“Aside from the fact that I copied off her math test in the eighth grade? Or the one disastrous date we had in our junior year...who knows? Maybe she’s just pissed I got the principal job, and she didn’t. It’s probably as simple as that. I guess she assumed she would inherit it like a damn throne from her dad.” Ben rolled his eyes, thinking about the dirty looks she had thrown in his direction all day. “Why else would she transfer to an elementary school from a middle school other than to keep tabs on me and try to sabotage me every chance she gets?”

“I think that  _ you _ think too highly of yourself,” Hux teased.

“Haha. What about you? How was your first day back?”

“I seem to have a bigger mess in my room now than when I started this morning. So there’s that.”

“Naturally. Shit always seems to multiply the more you put away,” Ben agreed.

“Okay, what can I get you guys?” the girl, Jess, asked, placing their drinks in front of them. Ben and Hux placed their orders, the traditional burgers and fries, and went back to their conversation.

“So...I met someone today,” Hux said, his cheeks a faint pink above his ginger beard.

Ben bristled, snapping the paper off his straw and crumbling it tightly in his fist, not meeting Hux’s eyes.

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Her name is Rose. She’s a friend of Rey Jackson’s. You know, the new girl next door to me. She came out to help set up Rey’s classroom. She’s cute. Funny too.”

“Oh,” Ben responded, obviously surprised. “Oh. That’s great. You going to see her again?” His mood visibly improved, and Hux snorted. After all these years, Hux could still read Ben like a book. He hadn’t liked the idea that Hux might have been talking about Rey, that was obvious. Now to find out why. This was going to be fun.

“Yeah, the three of us are gonna have lunch tomorrow. You should come.”

“What? Why?” Ben sputtered on his tea, looked flustered.

Hux smirked and took a drink slowly before setting his glass down. “Ok. What’s the deal?”

“With what?”

“Oh, is this how we’re playing it? You’re going to pretend I didn’t see what happened this morning?”

“What happened this morning?”

“Ben.” He gave Ben a knowing look.

“Armitage,” he responded snidely. “Why don’t you just ask what you want to know?”

“Okay.” Hux held up his hand, ticking each finger as he began his interrogation. “One, I saw the look on both of your faces this morning when you laid eyes on each other. Two, I saw how you looked when she passed out. Three, she fucking passed out. Four, you were eye-fucking her in the cafeteria…”

“I was not…”

“ _ Five _ ,” Hux continued, unperturbed, “I saw you this afternoon before you went to her classroom. You looked worried and nervous. Then you came out covered in paint, which I admitedly didn’t understand. So, what gives?”

“Wait, how did you see that?”

“I was peeking through the blinds.”

“You’re worse than Kaydel,” Ben groused, annoyed at Hux’s play-by-play of his day. .

“I resent that. I’m wounded,” Hux pretended to grasp at his chest in pain.

“Just calling it as I see it.”

They paused as Jess returned with their plates of food and reminded them she would be back if they needed anything else. They thanked her and began to dive into their dinner. Unfortunately for Ben, not even a giant hamburger could slow Hux down.

“So?” he pressed.

“We’ve uh...we’ve met,” Ben acquiesced.

“Clearly.”

“Is it that obvious?” Ben looked worried. The last things he needed were rumors about him and a coworker. 

“Maybe not to everyone, but come on, Ben. It’s me. What’s going on?”

Ben sighed and gave in. “I met her in June. It was right after I resigned at Coruscant. I had just had that big blow-up with the principal, and I was just tired, and I went to a bar downtown.”

“You picked her up at a bar?”

Ben shot Hux a warning look. “I didn’t pick her up. It wasn’t sleazy or anything. She was with friends. We met there. That’s all.” 

“Uh-huh. And?”

Ben looked at Hux for a long moment, his eyebrows raised in an expression he would usually save for students asking ridiculously obvious questions.

“Oh. I see. Not good?”

“No, man. That’s just the thing. It was fucking amazing. Like the best ever. And when I woke up the next morning, she was just gone. No note, nothing.” Ben shrugged and set his burger back down on his plate, suddenly not feeling as hungry as before.

“Oh. Wow. That’s rough. Sorry, dude.”

“Yeah, and she won’t talk to me about it, which sucks, because I thought we hit it off. I thought maybe it was a mistake like she had an early appointment and forgot to get my number or something. I’ve made up a lot of shit since then. So I thought I could talk to her. And she said she didn’t think it was a good idea.” Ben shrugged lamely.

“Maybe it was just because her friend was there,” Hux suggested. “And Rey did mention she was anxious this morning about being introduced in front of a crowd. Maybe it was all just too much for her.”

Ben perked up at that. “Do you think I should try again?”

“Come to lunch with us tomorrow. See what happens. If you guys clicked as you said, then it’s worth a shot, right?”

Ben suddenly felt much more confident about the situation. Picking up his burger, he nodded thoughtfully. Maybe it was just stress or a misunderstanding.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Yeah, she’s worth a shot.”

* * *

“Rey, are you ok?” Rey could hear Rose knocking gently on the bathroom door. Nausea had hit Rey with a vengeance when she sat up after her alarm went off. She had forgotten Rose had stayed over, and now she felt guilty for being so loud.

“Oh god, don’t come in!” Rey shouted back. “I’m so sorry to wake you, Rose.”

“It’s ok. Let me know if you need anything. I’ll start breakfast.”

Rey groaned loudly at the thought of food, and her stomach lurched again. “No,” she whined. “No food.”

“You have to have something. I’ll make some peppermint tea and toast. Just try, ok?”

Rey mumbled incoherently and closed the lid to the toilet, resting her cheek on her folded arms and waiting for nausea to pass. She would need to pick up some crackers at some point today. Pregnant women on TV were always eating crackers.

Pregnant.

The knowledge that she was pregnant replayed in her mind like some scratched record that kept skipping. Pregnant...pregnant...pregnant. The more she thought of it, the less real the word felt. She placed her palm on her flat stomach and took a deep breath. It was challenging to come to terms with the fact that she had what would eventually be a human person floating around in there. Part of her, and part of him. Ben. She felt incredibly guilty for pushing him away the day before, especially considering her current situation. But she just hadn’t been ready to deal with any of it. She still wasn’t. She had no idea how even to address what had happened with Ben in June, let alone the repercussions of it. What would he say? What would he do?

Horrid visions of old-fashioned movies where the man was encouraged to “Do the Right Thing” flashed through her mind, making her cringe. The last thing she wanted was some stranger she didn’t even know proposing marriage out of some misplaced and outdated sense of duty. She could feel the anxiety threaten to topple her at the idea, followed by the sadness at the thought that it wouldn’t be for her anyway—only out of a feeling of responsibility for the baby. She fought back the urge to cry again and hauled herself up to brush her teeth, feeling a bit more sturdy and ready to get the day started.

When she exited her bedroom, showered, dressed, and ready to go, she found Rose at the kitchen table, scrolling through her phone. Two mugs of tea sat on the table with a plate of toast between them.

“Nibble and sip,” Rose ordered. “I’ve found a potential doctor for you, and I’m going to call today. And I have a shopping list of things you can eat in the mornings to help with the sickness. You’ll probably want to bring an extra toothbrush and toothpaste with you, just in case.”

“That’s a good idea,” Rey said, sipping her peppermint tea. “You have this mothering thing down pat. You should be the pregnant one.” Rey tried to laugh, but it only came out as a weak honk.

“Rey, are you going to be ok going to work today?”

Rey sighed heavily, “Yeah. I’m just feeling sorry for myself. What stage of grief is that?”

“Hm,” Rose tapped her chin comically. “I think that’s depression. Unless dramatic is a stage.”

“It should be. I should be allowed to wail like I’m  _ on _ stage,” Rey joked. Rose smiled and reached out to hold Rey’s hand. “I’m fine. People have babies all the time. I’ll get used to it. It’s still just...weird.”

“Well, I can be there around noon to pick you up for lunch. Is that still ok?” Rose sounded hopeful, and Rey remembered that Rose had invited Hux for lunch with them.

“Yes, it’s ok. I’m sure Hux is excited too.”

“You think so?” Rose lit up with excitement.

“Yup. It should be fun. Ok, I’m going. I’ll see you then.”

As Rey made her way out the door and down to her car, she relaxed a little. Finding out your hookup was your boss and that you were pregnant with his kid had to be the most challenging shit she would need to deal with for a while. It was cold comfort that there wasn’t anything else that the universe could throw at her that could make her day any stranger than the one before. 

* * *

She was wrong.

The universe was a bitch.

Rey knew the morning would be bogged down with meetings, powerpoints, and guest speakers, which meant less chance of Ben hanging around. She had only made eye contact with him once, her stomach flip-flopping in a completely different way than it had at home. Rey hadn’t expected that—especially after her dramatic realization the night before. She wasn’t ready to tell him about the baby, but couldn’t stop thinking about its conception every time she glanced over at him. She was extremely thankful when he left the cafeteria, only glancing briefly in her direction on his way out. 

Rey also hadn’t expected the subject matter causing her to make a beeline to the ladies’ room in the middle of the “pesticides in the classroom” training. Giant slides of dead bugs would make her stomach churn even if hormones did not currently rule her. An even worse video followed that about viruses and bodily fluids, one that made Rey jump out of her chair when Hux bumped her arm. She was a nervous, queasy wreck by the time the last presentation queued up. The video began with a severe female voice stating, “Child abuse or neglect can be difficult to identify…”

Listening to the facts and stats on child abuse and neglect had Rey instantly transported back to a time she had tried to not think about for years. The stale smell of sweat and cheap beer mixed with cigarette smoke lingered on her hair, clothes, and even her ripped, second-hand backpack. Always being hungry and snatching leftovers from the other kids’ lunches if they didn’t want to eat them—and that was if they were feeling charitable. Helping Finn steal snacks from her teacher’s mini-refrigerator when she wasn’t looking. Hiding behind the library at recess trying to fill their bellies as much as possible because they knew they wouldn’t have anything when they got to the isolated, double-wide trailer that served as their living space. She couldn’t even really call it home. It was just a place to hide and wait for the darkness to pass over and a new day to begin.

She occasionally wondered how it had been so difficult for adults to identify what was going on with her. She had assumed Finn had deflected questions and suspicion away from her. He would help her as best he could with homework, sometimes giving up and completing it himself in frustration. It helped that he was older than she was. He could take care of her when the myriad of people who roamed in and out of their lives couldn’t. They were left alone to handle themselves, and it wasn’t until the third time Rey had to go to the nurse’s office with an itchy head that the school put two and two together. She and Finn had been pulled out of that placement quickly. What followed was a painful separation, and a couple of homes that just “weren’t a good fit” before she and Finn were reunited by some miracle, at Maz’s.

They hadn’t known how to react to Maz at first. She was firm, but not cruel. Affectionate, but not to the point where it was uncomfortable. She cooked for them—hot meals that they could have their fill of. She bought them plastic lunch boxes with cartoon characters on them that she filled with healthy foods that didn’t need microwaving. Maz had even bought her a glittery new backpack and shoes that lit up when you walked. It took a while to trust her, but after a time, she became the mother Rey and Finn had needed.

“Rey, your phone is ringing.” Hux poked her in the arm to get her attention. She looked around, surprised to see people texting, chatting, and packing up their things.

“Is it over?”

Hux laughed, “Yeah, for five minutes. Where did you go?”

She frowned at him, shrugged, and answered her phone. “Hello?”

“It’s me, toots,” Rose chirped, “I’m outside the gate. Lunchtime.”

“Oh. Okay. I’ll be right out.” Rey ended the call and looked back at Hux. “I can’t believe I just zoned out through that whole video.”

“Well, in your defense, it wasn’t that long. But make sure you follow the link on the handout and finish the online test,” Hux said, pointing to the paper in front of her.

“Ok, thanks. So are you still coming to lunch?”

“Yep. I’ll meet you at Ezra’s. It’s on Main Street. Can’t miss it.”

“Got it.”

* * *

Rey and Rose had just settled into their seats when the door opened, and Rey saw Hux walk in...right in front of Ben. Rey froze like a deer in the headlights, eyes wide, nowhere to go.

“Did you do this?” Rey whispered to Rose accusingly.

“What? No. How? Just chill out, Rey. We’re just going to eat. Relax.”

“That’s easy for you to say. Your not the one who’s knocked up,” Rey grumbled as the men walked towards their table. Rose looked like she was half-crazed while trying to hold in her laughter.

“Hey,” Hux said, smiling widely at Rose as he and Ben approached their table. “Hope you don’t mind, I brought the boss along for lunch.”

“No, of course not,” Rose said after an awkward pause. Ben looked pointedly at Rey.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

Rey felt her cheeks get hot.  _ Why are you singling me out?  _ “I mean, you have to eat, right?” She snapped. She immediately regretted it when she saw the look in his eyes.  _ What am I doing? _ She thought.

“Excuse me,” Rey said, getting up from her seat and making her way to the ladies’ room. She locked the door behind her and leaned over the sink, a terrible feeling of guilt weighing on her. Why was she punishing this poor guy who hadn’t done anything wrong? She knew it wasn’t fair to him. She  _ was _ the one who ditched him after all. But now, now he was off-limits, wasn’t he? Rey groaned inwardly. He just looked so good—every time she saw him, she wanted to touch his hair and see if it was as soft as she remembered. To feel his lips, and his hands, and…

_ Knock it off, Rey. Go out there and be a nice, regular person. Talk to him. Just talk. _

“I can do this,” she said out loud. She splashed some water on her face and patted it with a paper towel. Taking a deep breath, she squared her shoulders and unlocked the door. To her surprise, Ben was waiting right outside, his hands in his pockets and his face screwed up into a worried frown.

“Oh!” she started.

“Hey,” Ben responded. He didn’t look as if he were waiting for the men’s room. Rey realized he had been standing there waiting for her.

“Hey,” she said quietly.

“Rey, are you sure you’re ok with me being here? I can leave if I make you uncomfortable. I just thought…”

_ I’m pregnant. _

“It’s ok; it’s totally fine,” she said.

_ Except it isn’t, and I’m pregnant. _

“Do you think we can talk?” he asked her. She took a breath to answer, and Ben stopped her, “It doesn’t have to be now. It can be whenever you like, whenever you’re ready. I just...would like to talk to you. Maybe we could get to know each other a little better. Or something. I don’t know.”

She watched as he ran his hand through his hair, rubbing the back of his neck. She could see his eye twitch and watched him chew the inside of his cheek as he avoided eye contact. It had never occurred to Rey that he was as nervous around her as she was around him. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad just to talk. She’d have to sooner or later. Only…

“Do you think that’s a good idea, though? I mean, considering our positions? I can’t lose this job, Ben. I’ve worked too hard.”

_ I’m pregnant with your baby, and this town is backward, and they’re going to make me wear a scarlet A on my chest,  _ she thought _. _

He looked surprised at that. “Why would you lose your job?”

_ Because I’m pregnant with your baby and I don’t know how this all works. _

“Are you kidding? I mean we. Don’t make me say it out loud,” she looked over his shoulder to see if anyone was listening and wiped her hands on the back of her jeans, hoping they would stop sweating soon.

“Rey,” Ben chuckled, “we haven’t done anything wrong. And that night,” he smiled as she flushed and looked at her feet, “it was before I even got the job here. I promise I just want to talk. There are no rules against that. I would just like to get to know you. If that’s ok.”

Rey’s heart began to beat just a little faster as she realized what she had been shoving aside for the past two months.

“I’d like to know you too.”

_ So you won’t be surprised when I give birth to your kid. _

“So, would you like to have dinner with me sometime?” He smiled at her then, and she felt the butterflies she had felt the first time he looked at her. Those beautiful eyes that had fascinated her and had been so intense it was unnerving. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to spend some time with him.

_ I’m pregnant. It’s yours. Dinner would be great. _

“Sure,” she agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, lovely readers, for all of your support! xoxo


	7. Chapter 7

“Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it...Yet.”

L.M. Montgomery - _Anne of Green Gables_

  
**SEPTEMBER**

One month into the school year and Rey felt like the walking dead. Everything she had learned in her theory classes went flying right out the window, just as she thought it would. And most of her carefully written lesson plans were either pushed weeks into the school year or abandoned altogether. She had been faced with a number of interesting challenges already, culminating with the enrollment of a new student on a Friday morning in the first week of September. They had just finished their morning review and Rey was gathering her students to the rainbow-colored carpet in the center of the classroom for a story when an office assistant ushered in a tiny scrap of a girl and a woman who Rey assumed was the child’s mother.

“Good morning!” she chirped. “What do we have here?”

“This here is Melanie,” the office assistant announced. “And this is her mother, Bazine. I’ll leave you to get acquainted.” Without another word, she left the child and her mother to Rey and scooted out into the hall. The mother, Bazine, looked exhausted and just a tiny bit unkempt. She held out her hand and Rey took it, noticing how thin she was and how her hand seemed to shake. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” Rey said. She then crouched low and held her hand out to Melanie. “I’m Miss Jackson, Melanie. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Why don’t you find a spot on the carpet and I’ll be right there to introduce you to everyone.” The child looked at her, eyes wide and nervous, and nodded, walking slowly to the carpet where the other children were starting to get restless. Rey turned back to the woman.

“Is there anything you need me to know? How will she get home? Does she have any siblings to wait for after school?”

“I’m not her mother,” the woman spat out. “She’s just placed with me. Her paperwork is in the office. Figured you should know. And she’s alone. Gonna take the bus after school. I have to get to work. Nice to meet you. Be good, Lainie.” She half-heartedly waved to the child and quickly left the classroom.

Rey turned back to the students, a little shell-shocked at the woman’s attitude and her hasty retreat. She let her gaze rest on the child the woman had called Lainie. Her heart went out to the little girl. This was a day that Rey had repeated more times than she could count. She had had more first days of school under her belt by third grade than anyone that age should have had. Sighing, she walked to the phone and dialed Hux’s extension. It was picked up on the second ring and a tiny, sing-song voice came through the line.

“Mr. Hux’s classroom, student speaking. How may I help you?”

Rey felt a small pang of jealousy at Hux’s efficiency. He had his students running that classroom like a well-oiled machine. _Patience, Rey_ , she told herself. 

“This is Miss Jackson next door. May I speak to Mr. Hux, please?” she replied. She couldn’t help but smile at the polite voice telling her to “please hold” as she waited for Hux to answer the phone.

“What’s up Rey,” Hux said after a brief wait.

“I just got a new student,” Rey said, a note of desperation in her voice. “I don’t have anything for her. What do I do?”

“Ok, just relax. Recess is in thirty minutes. Pair her up with one of the type A kids, then meet me in the staff lounge and I’ll get you supplies for her. Deal?”

“You’re a lifesaver. Thanks.”

“You got it.”

Rey hung up, once again feeling grateful for Hux and his help—not to mention his frequent reassurance that she was not, in fact, horrible at her job. 

By the end of the day, Rey was exhausted, but finally feeling like things were falling into place...at least on the job front. 

Her social life, however, was at a standstill.

As busy as she was, Rey knew that Ben had to be twice as busy. They had chatted superficially in the halls and had shared professional greetings in passing, but a month into the school year and Ben still hadn’t come through on that date invitation. Rey had begun to have second thoughts about her appeal. Realistically, she knew she was perfectly capable of calling him herself but she had to admit, to herself if not out loud, that she was a chicken. She told all of this to Rose the next day as they were sipping coffee and tea outside a shop in Coruscant. 

“He still hasn’t asked you out yet?” Rose’s voice held a note of incredulity. Rey couldn’t really blame her. She was no closer to any type of decision about how to tell Ben about the baby. She tried to explain how overwhelming the last few weeks had been.

“Not officially, but we’ve been really busy,” she said. “You have no idea how crazy the beginning of the school year is. Rose, it took me a week to get those kids to line up properly for lunch. I’ve been so exhausted I can barely make it to my bed after finally getting home from school. It’s nothing but meetings and lesson plans and copies and planning. And I haven’t really even seen him around school that much. You couldn’t pay me enough to be a principal. Anyway, when I do see him, I always feel like I act so dorky. So maybe he changed his mind.” She shrugged and fiddled with her cup of tea.

“Is that what you really think or are you just being fussy?” Rose teased as she sipped on her coffee. 

They were enjoying a lazy Saturday morning window shopping and catching up. Rose had started her penultimate semester at university and they had not had time to really talk since Rose had accompanied Rey to her first doctor’s appointment. That day had been a turning point for Rey, seeing her baby, hearing the heartbeat, and coming home with a ghostly photograph of a blob that the doctor assured her was a healthy growing fetus. Since then, every milestone, even the ones as simple as pricing baby furniture with her best friend on a Saturday morning, filled her with a mixture of excitement and gnawing guilt at not yet telling Ben and allowing him to be involved in the process. 

Rey narrowed her eyes at Rose and huffed. 

“Mhm,” Rose smirked, “that’s what I thought. I saw the way he was looking at you when we were at lunch. He likes you.” Rose stretched out the word “likes” and Rey blushed. She had noticed too how Ben had looked at her. The familiar butterflies in the stomach feeling swept through her and she hid her face behind her cup of tea. 

“Well, what about you and Hux?” Rey asked, trying to change the subject. “He seems to be extra chipper these days.”

“Hux is a dreamboat. We text all the time, have had three dates, he’s a great kisser, and I let him touch my tits. So _I’m_ taking it slow. Stop changing the subject. What’s stopping you from calling him?” Rose asked.

Rey set her cup down. “Oh haha, _I’m taking it slow_ .” Then she stopped and looked pensive. “I guess nothing,” she said. “I just don’t want to look needy. And what if he _has_ changed his mind, Rose? I’d be humiliated, and then it would be even harder to tell him.” 

“Rey, you’re a damn mess. Call that man and tell him he’s gonna be a daddy. Or tell him you want to _call_ him daddy. For the love of god just call him.”

“Rose, you are vile,” Rey laughed.

“Don’t kink shame, Rey. Yucking someone’s yum is not a good look.”

Rey balled up her napkin and threw it at Rose, laughing as she dramatically dodged the flying litter and chopped it out of the air. 

“Cat-like reflexes,” she announced, just as Rey’s phone began to buzz. They both looked and saw the name _Ben Solo_ on the incoming caller ID. 

“Oh, god,” Rey stuttered. “It’s him. What do I do?”

“Are you kidding? Jesus, you answer it. Quit being a dipshit. It’s gonna go to voicemail if you don’t hurry up.”

“Okay!” she snapped at Rose, then accepted the call with a swipe of her thumb. “Hello?” 

“Rey? Hi, it’s Ben. Ben Solo.”

Rey laughed, how many Bens did he think she knew? “Hi, Ben. What’s up?” She grimaced at Rose’s mocking face as she mouthed “what’s up.” 

“I wanted to apologize for not calling you sooner. It’s been so busy, I haven’t even had the time to make a decent dinner before I’m crashing into bed.”

“Me too,” she agreed. “I’ve been wiped. But it’s totally ok.”

“Well, I was wondering if you’d like to get that dinner we talked about? If you’re free tonight maybe?”

 _Oh my god, dinner tonight,_ she mouthed at Rose, smiling like a giddy teenager when Rose gave her two thumbs up.

“Yeah, I’m free. I’d like that. What time?”

“How about 5:30? I can pick you up and we can drive over to the neighboring town. Less chance of being seen.”

For a moment, Rey felt a sense of disappointment at the idea that he didn’t want to be seen with her, but she quickly shook it off as being ridiculous. Of course they couldn’t just go out in the tiny town they both worked in. It would be nothing but a hassle and fodder for the gossips in town. 

“Sounds good to me,” she said. 

“Ok, I’ll pick you up at your place.”

“Do you need the address?” Rey said, confused. Ben only laughed. The sound of it, low and deep, brought a memory back to her that made her feel like they were all alone in his bed, his hands on her, as his mouth…

“...so I already know.” Rey realized she had missed what Ben had been saying.

“What was that?” she asked, her voice embarrassingly breathy.

“I said, in Chandrila, everyone knows where everyone lives. You’re renting the old house that used to belong to Amilyn’s family, so I already know where it is.”

“Oh, I see. Ok. Well, I’ll see you later then?” 

“Looking forward to it.”

Rey ended the call and set the phone down. Rose eyed her suspiciously. “What just happened? Your face got all weird.”

Rey flushed again. “Nothing. He’s picking me up at 5:30.”

“Well, that gives us plenty of time. Come on, let’s get you ready for daddy.”

“Rose, stop.”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Come on, let’s go.”

* * *

Ben knocked on Rey’s front door at exactly 5:30 pm. He hadn’t wanted to be late, so he had made an effort to be quick about preparing, showering quickly and dressing casually in jeans and a long-sleeved grey tee, only to end up arriving at her house fifteen minutes early with his hair still damp. He drove around listening to the radio with the window down to try to relax, but he was still nervous, sweaty, and uncertain. He knew Hux was right when he said that Rey had to be into him or she would have shot him down. Ben was more afraid that she felt she _couldn’t_ turn him down because of her job. The idea that she would feel forced to date him had left a bad taste in his mouth. Hux had said that probably wasn’t the case, but Ben was never one to be confident when it came to dating anyone—let alone someone like Rey.

She answered the door and every thought Ben had, every compliment he had practiced, flew out of his head at the sight of her. Even though he saw her every day, dressed comfortably but professionally, the way she looked when she opened the door was something he would commit to memory. She wore a sleeveless, powder blue dress that barely skimmed her knees, showing off her curvy hips and tanned legs. Her hair fell in waves around her shoulders, and she seemed to be glowing, her freckled cheeks tinged with pink and her eyes bright. His instinct was to pull her close and kiss her, to tell her that she took his breath away and that she was all he had been able to think about for months. 

Instead, he settled for, “Wow.” 

He was never one for cliches, but her smile would definitely fall under the “thousand-watt” description. She flushed and looked down at her feet and Ben had to breathe deeply and force himself not to physically react to her. It wouldn’t do any good to attack her on her own front porch, even if he did remember what it felt like to run his hands down her beautiful body. The look on her face as she came apart in his arms. The taste of her…

“Ben, are you ok?” Rey interrupted his treacherous line of thinking and he stood, knowing he looked like an idiot. 

“Sorry, yeah, I’m ok. You look great, Rey. Ready?” He held out his hand to her without thinking and was surprised when she took it with ease, looking up at him as if she really were happy to see him. He led her to his car and opened her door for her, watching as her dress rode up when she sat, just enough for him to catch a glimpse of her toned thigh as he closed the door. He groaned and reminded himself to calm the fuck down before climbing into the driver’s seat and starting the car.

“Okay?” he asked.

“Yup,” she answered, giving him that smile again. It was like a drug, and he would do whatever he could to see it as often as possible. 

“So. We have about a twenty-minute drive ahead of us,” he said. “What would you like to talk about?”

“Um,” Rey thought for a moment. “How about something safe?” she laughed. “Let’s talk about how we got into teaching.”

“Okay. Go.”

“You’re going to make me go first?” Rey asked incredulously. 

“I have to focus on driving,” Ben winked. He was relieved when she giggled, not at all put out that he was making her do all the talking. He just really wanted to hear her voice. 

“Well, it’s not a secret that I was in and out of a bunch of foster homes when I was a kid. Most of them were shitty. I didn’t get placed with the woman who adopted me until around third grade. But Maz, my mom, she would read to me all the time. It was around the time I was nine when she started reading _Anne of Green Gables_. Have you heard of it?”

Ben glanced over at her, her eyebrows raised expectantly, face animated and full of life. He shook his head no, even though his mother had forced him to read that book long ago. 

“Well, it's about a girl who is an orphan. She’s in and out of orphanages and foster homes and ends up with a brother and sister who adopt her. She becomes a teacher and a writer and gets her happy ever after with her first love. I fell in love with that book. I read it once a year. My copy is practically falling apart. But it’s my comfort book. There’s a teacher in it, Miss Stacy, who really impacts Anne’s life. It’s my dream to impact a life like that. So I knew from a very early age that I wanted to teach. I had to work really hard because it was just Maz raising me and my brother, so there wasn’t a lot of money. We had to sacrifice a lot to get me through school. Finn, my brother, decided against college and is in the service industry. But that’s how he met his husband and they are super happy. Oh god, now I’m babbling.” Rey looked over at him then and Ben could feel his heart racing when he looked at her. She was so open and honest and charming. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was to be with her.

“No, you’re not. It’s fine. It’s just that now I wish I had gone first,” he said sheepishly.

“Why?” Rey laughed. “Why did you get into teaching?”

“Because my mom was a teacher,” Ben said. “That’s pretty much it. Nothing quite as romantic or noble.”

“Oh I don’t know about that,” Rey said. “Following in your family’s footsteps could be a noble thing.”

“I was far from noble. I was wasting time in college and changed my major three times before my mom told me to just get the general ed degree or she was cutting me off. I finished in record time.”

Rey’s laughter filled the car and his heart with joy and Ben reached over and grabbed her hand, lifting it to his lips and kissing her knuckles. Her gasp of surprise went straight to his head like a strong drink, and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat thinking of what else he could do to make her gasp like that. He caught himself rubbing his thumb over her knuckles and realized what he had done. He set her hand back down with a sigh.

“I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have done that.”

“It’s ok,” Rey whispered. “I didn’t mind.”

* * *

The restaurant Ben had chosen was a place Rey had been to before. It was neutral, not too fancy but not too casual, and fairly busy. No pressure to be too romantic, but still allowing for some intimacy. They were seated in a small booth toward a quieter section of the restaurant, and the hostess handed them menus with a polite smile. 

“So, what are your favorite foods?” Ben asked, looking over his menu.

“Well I used to love seafood, but I can’t seem to stomach even smelling anything remotely fishy nowadays,” Rey said, then stopped, panicking at her slip.

“Why?” Ben looked up, concerned.

“Oh, no reason,” Rey covered quickly, mentally kicking herself for being careless. “I guess I’m just getting old.” She forced a laugh and Ben looked at her curiously.

“Ok,” he said. “No fish. Are you a meat-eater?”

Rey nodded, “Not all the time, but I do like a good steak every now and then. I think tonight I’ll go with some pasta.”

“That sounds good to me. Would you like some wine?”

“No,” she answered quickly. “No, thank you. No alcohol for me. Not a good idea.” She stopped as she saw Ben’s cheeks go pink. “I mean, I don’t mean anything by that.”

“No, I get it. No problem.”

“Ben…”

“So, tell me about your family.” Ben smiled at her and Rey got the hint. She had inadvertently hurt his feelings and he wasn’t going to talk about it. This was not going the way she thought it would. The server came and took their order, and Rey was relieved to have a moment to get her thoughts together while Ben ordered for them, making sure to order just water instead of any other beverage. Rey felt a little bad about that. She didn’t want him to think that she regretted their night together just because alcohol was involved. She smiled at him after the server left and he smiled back, looking at her expectantly.

“Right, right. My family. Well, my brother Finn is the best person I’ve ever known...”

* * *

They were in the car on the way back to Chandrila and Rey was regaling Ben with stories about growing up with Maz. They had enjoyed a nice relaxed dinner and shared bits about their childhood and what they were like growing up. Rey learned that Ben’s favorite comfort food was grilled cheese and he secretly loved to watch corny Hallmark Christmas movies. Ben had learned that Rey would never turn down toffee popcorn and that she knew most of the Rolling Stones’ catalog of music, thanks to Maz. He was currently learning that Rey had seen them live when she was a girl.

“Wait, she took you to a Rolling Stones concert? When you were nine?”

“She didn’t want the ticket to go to waste! Nobody else could go because it was so close to the holidays.”

“But you were nine!” Ben was aghast. Rey had been laughing for nearly the whole car ride home as she told him the tale of Maz dragging her halfway across the state to see her favorite band perform.

“She absolutely adored the Stones and didn’t think she’d get another chance. I mean, it’s a little unreal that they’re all still alive now. Plus it was cheaper to buy me a hotdog and some earplugs than to get a babysitter. So off we went. It wasn’t until I was older that I realized why it smelled so weird in that arena.”

“Oh my god.” Ben looked at her, eyes wide, and she couldn’t help but burst into laughter again. “It sounds like your mom was one of a kind.”

Rey wiped at the tears she had from laughing so hard. She smiled at herself and nodded. “She was a great mom. I hope I’m...” Rey stopped and looked out the window, eyes filling with a different kind of tears. Ben reached over and clasped her hand in his.

“I’m sure you will be one day.”

She squeezed his hand in response and turned to look out the window again. They spent the remainder of the ride in companionable quiet. Ben still gently held her hand as he drove, and Rey thought about what to do next. They had relaxed over dinner and had taken turns telling stories about their childhoods and families, and Ben had been so charming and funny that Rey was afraid to break the spell. _Maybe a little more time won’t hurt_ , she thought. If they got to know each other even better, maybe he would welcome the idea. Maybe there would be less of a chance of him wanting nothing to do with her. 

They pulled up to her house and Rey began to panic. She should really tell him. Rip the bandaid off and get it over with. She turned to face him. Like some cheesy sitcom, they both spoke at the same time.

“Ben.”

“Rey.”

Laughing, Rey said, “Oh god, we are ridiculous.”

“I think we’re cute,” he said in response.

“I had a really nice time tonight,” Rey said shyly.

“So did I. I’d like to see you again if that’s ok. I know it’s kind of soon to meet the parents, but my mom always makes dinner on Sundays and she did say that I could bring someone. Would you like to go?”

“What, tomorrow? And meet your mom?” Rey could feel her face get hot and her pulse speed up. She’d be meeting the matriarch. The grandmother. The mother of the man who made her wildly uncomfortable, but in a good way. She bit her lip nervously. “Do you think she’d be ok with that?”

“I think she’ll love you, Rey.” He reached over just then, cupping her cheek and brushing his thumb across her cheekbone. 

Rey’s breath hitched and she leaned closer to him. Suddenly there didn’t seem to be enough air in the car. Her breaths became shallow and his hand slid around the back of her neck, pulling her closer to him. 

When his lips touched hers, soft and pliant, it felt like coming home. Rey hadn’t realized just how much she had wanted to feel him again. She instinctively moved forward, placing her hand on his chest, her body coming alive at the sound he made. His mouth moved over hers, his tongue swiping gently, asking permission that Rey was only too happy to grant. She opened for him and his tongue found hers, caressing and twining in a soft, warm dance. A soft moan escaped her as his arm came around her waist, trying to pull her closer. Rey pulled back with a shaky laugh as her seatbelt locked. They stared at each other for a moment, breathing heavily, eyes dark and lips flushed red.

“I think that’s my cue to go inside,” she said, breathlessly. 

Ben sat back, running his hand through his hair, and looking a little unsure of himself. Rey reached her hand out to touch his cheek.

“I’d love to meet your mom. Call me in the morning, okay?”

She watched as relief washed over his face, followed by that dimpled smile that made her stomach flip. She extracted herself from the car and made her way up to her door, turning to wave as he drove away. She had only just shut her front door behind her when she realized she still hadn’t mentioned the baby.

“Shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you for all the lovely comments! I still need to respond to them all but know that I’ve seen and appreciate every one! Your support for my silly story warms my cold dead heart 🤪  
> Big thanks again to nancylovesreylo for her beta work and her kindness. You are the real MVP, woman!  
> If you’re so inclined, follow me on Twitter @lil_red_hed I love attention!
> 
> 💋


	8. Chapter 8

"I'm tired   
Can I just be tired?   
Without piling on all sad and scared and out of time   
I'm wild  
Can I just be wild?  
Without feeling like I'm failing and I'm losing my mind

Can someone just hold me?  
Don't fix me, don't try to change a thing  
Oh, someone just know me  
'Cause underneath, I'm broken and it's beautiful"

Kelly Clarkson - Broken & Beautiful

Ben sat on the sofa at his mother’s home, his leg bouncing with anxiety as he checked his watch for what had to be the tenth time in as many minutes. He was questioning every decision he had made in his life that had brought him to this moment. Why in hell had he invited Rey to meet Leia after only one date? He had been so thrilled she had actually agreed to go out with him that he’d blurted it out the night before without thinking. Now here he was, a bundle of nerves, waiting for Rey and scared shitless that Leia would scare her away.

“I wonder where she’s at,” Leia said as she bustled about in the dining room adjacent to the living area. The great room, his father had called it. The open floor plan allowed for constant familial interaction all through Ben’s childhood. As he got older, he was more likely to spend the evenings in his bedroom reading, listening to music, or playing video games than interacting with his parents. It was something he regretted now that his father was gone.

“I told her 6,” Ben said, checking his watch again. 5:40. “She still has twenty minutes.”

“I told her 5:45,” Leia said. “So it should be any minute now.”

Ben’s head snapped up and he stared at his mother in confusion. “What do you mean? How did you tell her?”

“I called her this morning. She said you hadn’t mentioned it. You must have told me before asking her. I just told her to show up at 5:45.” Leia finished setting the flatware on the dining table and proceeded to fold the cloth napkins into fans as Ben sat staring, completely confused, a prickle of unease at the back of his neck. 

“Mother, who did you talk to?” he began when the doorbell rang.

Leia walked to the door, opening it wide to greet Jyn Erso waiting expectantly on the front porch, a covered dish in her hands, and a bright smile on her face. Ben felt like there was a lead weight in his stomach and he stood slowly, unable to quite grasp the situation before him.

“Jyn! Right on time!” Leia cooed, taking the dish from Jyn and kissing her on the cheek. “What did you bring, you sneaky girl? You didn’t have to do that. Ben, come take Jyn’s coat while I put this in the kitchen.”

“It’s only brownies, Ms. Organa. It was nothing.” She began to struggle out of her coat and Ben walked over robotically to do his mother’s bidding and help Jyn remove her coat. His eyes were unblinking as he tried to think about what and how this had happened and how to fix it before Rey arrived. 

“Jyn, I…” he folded the coat over his arm, fiddling nervously with the buttons and trying to look anywhere but at the petite woman in front of him. 

“I was really surprised to hear from your mom that you wanted me to come to dinner. I have to admit it would have been nice to hear it from you, but I’m glad all the same. It has definitely been a while.” She grabbed Ben’s hand and pulled him down to her, simultaneously stretching to her full height in order to press her lips to his cheek. She laughed and rubbed the lipstick print she had left behind while Ben stood shocked and motionless, his eyes fixed on the threshold.

He had registered the sounds of a car pulling into the driveway and footsteps on the pavement out front. But it wasn’t until he heard the soft gasp that he noticed Rey standing in the doorway, a bouquet of flowers in her hand, and a bewildered look on her face.

“Rey! This...this isn’t what it looks like,” Ben started. Jyn followed his gaze and gaped at Rey in the doorway. 

“Um. Well, I just wanted to bring these by for your mother and, um, apologize.” Rey took a deep breath, glancing at Jyn and back to Ben. “I remembered that I have some things to do for tomorrow. Please give these to your m-mother.” Her voice cracked on the last word and she thrust the cellophane-wrapped bouquet at Ben and turned quickly, ignoring him calling her back and rushing to climb into her car. He watched dumbfounded and looked down at the jacket and flowers crushed to his chest.

“What the hell just happened?” he asked nobody in particular.

“Oh shit,” said Jyn. “What has your mother done now?” Ben looked up at her and she continued, “I knew this was weird. This wasn’t for me, was it?”

“I’m really sorry, Jyn. I don’t know what Leia was thinking.”

“It’s ok. I should have known better. I’m so embarrassed.”

“Please, don’t be. This is all my fault. I should have been more clear with her. I am so sorry.”   


“Don’t be, Ben. I’m a big girl. I get it. We never exactly had that zing, ya know?” She laughed quietly. “As I said, I should have known better. I’ve seen the way you two look at each other.” 

“What?” Ben could feel his face get hot with embarrassment.

“Jesus, Ben, we aren’t all blind. It’s pretty obvious.” Jyn held her hand out for her coat. “I’ll take that back. You should probably call her before she gets too worked up,” Jyn giggled and shook her head. “Keep the brownies. Tell your mom something came up.” 

“Are you sure you don’t want to at least stay and eat?” Ben was running his hand through his hair nervously, and Jyn barked out a laugh.

“Are you kidding? Call her now, you idiot. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She gave him a pat on the arm and turned to leave, throwing out over her shoulder, “Good luck. You’re gonna need it.”

Ben groaned and deflated, closing the door behind Jyn. Leia chose that moment to head back into the entry hall and she looked around in confusion. “What happened? I heard someone else here. Where’s Jyn?”

“I really cannot believe this. Mom, I was not inviting Jyn to dinner. I invited Rey. She brought these for you, you know, right after she saw Jyn kissing my fucking cheek. Shit.” He shoved the bouquet in her hands and strode to the coat closet, grabbing his jacket. “You have to stop doing this.” He reached into the pocket for his keys and shook his head at his mother’s chagrined look.

“Well, how was I supposed to know?” Leia fussed. “You never tell me anything. Who is Rey?”

“She’s the one who…” Ben didn’t know how to explain it to his mother, of all people. This was a fucking nightmare. “She’s the one I want, mom. Shit. I have to go.”

He drove back home quickly and had her number dialed before he had finished unlocking the front door. Hopefully, Rey would be willing to listen to his explanation or he was screwed. 

* * *

The lights of the traffic on the streets blurred a bit as Rey drove back to her house. She sniffed and wiped her eyes, trying to understand what had just happened. Why had he invited her to his mother’s house for dinner, when he clearly was with someone else? Why had he taken her on a date, been so sweet, kissed her like that if Jyn was...whatever she was? Rey gave a shuddering sob. She pulled into her driveway and morosely walked to her door, letting herself in before throwing her purse on the floor. She stomped to her bedroom and tore off her dress, feeling foolish that she had spent so much time on her appearance in order to please someone who obviously was pleased by someone completely different.

Rey threw on her oldest, threadbare sweats and a Coruscant University t-shirt before stomping back into the kitchen. She snatched a box of Fiddle Faddle she had stashed in the back of her pantry and ripped it open, flopping down on the couch and turning on the television. She heard her phone buzz and chose to ignore it. There really wasn’t anything left to say if it was Ben. If it was Finn or Rose, they would call back later. She just wanted to get lost in her sugary snack and a stupid romcom on television. 

She had stuffed a handful of the popcorn into her mouth before she gave in and burst into tears, keeling over on her side and sobbing into the sofa cushions until she fell asleep. 

The next morning, Rey arrived at school puffy-eyed and sad. She spent the morning on high alert with her students, dreading the idea that Ben could pop into her classroom or confront her on the grounds. That worry was manifested at recess time when she saw him coming towards her as she exited the building and walked down to the playground.

“Rey, do you have a minute?” he asked.

“Not really. Not here, and not now. But it’s ok because I get it. I don’t have any rights to you or the right to be upset. We’ve had one date. I’m nothing to you. It’s fine.” She put on her sunglasses and began to move away when he placed his hand on her arm. She gasped and snatched it away as if he had burned her, looking from side to side hoping nobody had seen.

“Not here,” she hissed.

“Rey, you have it all wrong,” Ben started to say, and Rey held her hand up to stop him.

“I said it’s fine. I’m fine. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have playground duty.” She walked quickly down the corridor and out onto the yard, taking her position by the swing set and eyeing the groups of children playing basketball, soccer, and generally running around in the age-old chaotic dance of youth.

She wanted to scream when she saw Jyn walking up to her a moment later. Could this get any worse? She crossed her arms in front of her and waited for the inevitable confrontation.

“Rey, I can tell you don’t want to talk to me, right now, but I just need you to listen.” Rey adjusted her sunglasses and stared straight ahead, keeping her eyes trained on the children, unsure how to handle this awkward interaction. She really just wanted to crawl under a blanket, go to sleep, and forget all about this horrible day.

“You need to know that there is absolutely nothing going on between me and Ben. Last night, well, that was all his mother’s wishful thinking because of something that happened years ago. She arranged it and played on my teenage crush. I thought,” Jyn sighed, “well it doesn’t really matter what I thought because there’s nothing there. Rey, take it from me, he’s never looked at me the way he looks at you.” Rey looked at Jyn then, thankful that the sunglasses hid the look in her eyes.

“You don’t have any competition from me. I’m really sorry I ruined your evening and I hope we can still be friends.” She moved away and continued walking the perimeter of the playground to monitor the children. Rey thought about the text that Ben had sent her, and the voicemail he had left telling her it wasn’t what she thought. Relief washed over her and she smiled to herself, thinking about what to do next.

That afternoon, after the students had left, Rey went to the office to see if Ben was around.

“Hey, Kaydel. Is he in?” she asked as she walked through the side entrance reserved for staff.

“Hey there, Miss Jackson. Yep, go on in,” she said with a wink.

Rey ignored the cheeky wink and knocked on the frame of Ben’s open office door. “Can I come in?” She felt that familiar adrenaline rush when he looked at her and his face lit up.

_ He’s like a freaking puppy, _ she thought.  _ Why is he always so happy to see me? _

“Hang on,” Ben said. “Go ahead and close the door behind you.” He walked over to a shelf by the door and turned on a small machine.

“What is that?” Rey asked.

“It’s a white noise machine,” Ben said. “Kaydel has been nosy as shit since kindergarten. It’s evolved into a terrifying thing.”

“Oh my god,” Rey laughed loudly and quickly covered her mouth, glancing at the window in the door.

“It’s nice to hear you laugh. Don’t worry, she can’t hear you. Come on, have a seat.” He pulled out a chair for her and sat down in his desk chair, swiveling around to face her as she sat fidgeting with her hands.

“I’m sorry, Ben. Jyn told me what happened. I keep getting so mixed up about everything. This is all really difficult for me.”

“I understand completely. And I'm sorry about last night. That was my mother once again not being able to mind her own damn business. She was the one who invited Jyn because I had told her I was inviting someone to dinner. She assumed that because Jyn and I had one date in eleventh grade, and everyone else in this stupid town is related, that naturally, it must be Jyn who was coming over. Mom is a retired busybody with nothing else to do. I truly apologize. I just want you to know that I am not now, nor have I ever been, interested in Jyn.” He held up his hands. “Don’t get me wrong. She’s got a lot going for her, but it’s not–I mean...she’s not you.”

_ Well shit. That was smooth _ .

“Ben, you can’t just say things like that to me here in your office,” she admonished him in a loud stage whisper.

“Why not?” he comically mimicked her whisper.

Rey could feel herself flush to her ears and ducked her head. “Because you’re my boss, and it’s really sweet, and it’s weird.” She collapsed her head on her folded arms with a groan.

“Well, which is it? Am I sweet or weird?”

“Ben,” she peeked up at him and hid her face again, making him laugh this time.

“If it makes you feel any better, I’ve already arranged to have someone else evaluate you for your performance and paperwork this term. I won’t have anything to do with it. And I’m not going to push you. We’ll take everything as slow as you need to. Deal?”

Rey paused for a moment to take in what he had said. He had gone through that trouble just for her. It wasn’t something she was used to. She nodded in agreement. “Okay.”

They both stood and for a moment their eyes met. Rey could feel her body reacting to his presence and she rubbed her arms to ease the goosebumps that were covering them. Ben moved closer to her and whispered, “You should probably leave now.”

“What?” Rey frowned. “Why?”

“Because,” he said in that low voice that made her shiver, “I very much want to kiss you again, and I have to be at least kind of professional here.”

“Oh,” she said, “Well then. I guess I’ll talk to you later.” She walked back towards the door, trying to slow her racing heart.

“Have a good night, Rey,” he said as she left his office.

Rey passed Kaydel’s desk and gave her a cheery grin. “‘Night, Kaydel.”

“G’night, Rey!” Kaydel replied. When Rey had exited the office, Kaydel turned her chair and looked at Ben, her eyebrow raised and a smirk on her face.

“Don’t even start,” he said, turning back and closing the door behind him, shutting out the sound of Kaydel’s mocking laughter.

* * *

**OCTOBER**

October swept in on a whirl of crisp leaves, lower temperatures, and looming deadlines. Rey found herself overwhelmed with the task of preparing for parent conferences, report cards, and the upcoming annual harvest festival. Being the new kid on the block meant that she was roped into the committee and was tasked with working during the festival selling tickets for food and games. All the busywork left little time for socializing. She and Ben had been able to have dinner together once, and ate lunch together in the staffroom sometimes, but true to his word he was not pushing, letting them take it slow. Ben made up for their physical distance with texts in the evening and notes every morning left on her computer at school. She had saved each one, folded up and placed inside Maz’s music box as keepsakes. 

Despite being so busy, everything was going perfectly. The nausea had stopped. She felt energized, and she was starting to notice a small swell in her belly. She was thankful for the cooler weather allowing for fashion to help her keep her secret. With leggings and bulky sweaters, it only looked like she was happily enjoying snacks in the break room every Friday. 

She knew what she was doing was wrong. She knew it and hated herself for it. She tried to rationalize it by remembering the past. Whenever she had trusted and loved she had been burned—either by her biological parents, or by foster parents who were much more interested in the check than in her well being, or by friends who promised to keep in touch, but who she could scarcely remember. Even Finn marrying Poe and leaving home, and then losing Maz so soon after, had left Rey jaded and alone. She’d had to face the fact that anyone who got close to her left. Every time. She was so desperately afraid of the same thing happening with Ben. She knew it was irrational—that her deception could be the very thing that pushed him away. But she had gone so long now that she didn’t know how to tell him. Every day she chanted like a mantra “Today. Tell him today.” And every day she failed, like the coward she was.

She never would have thought that telling him would happen in the form of an accident in front of a bunch of children.

The Saturday morning of the Harvest Festival was cool and clear and sunny. A perfect day for a fundraiser, Rey thought. There had been talk of rain and everyone had been on edge for the whole week. Rey decided a sweater would be a bit much and paired one of her school tees to go with her leggings and trainers. She hadn’t been able to squeeze into her jeans anymore, to her disappointment, and hadn’t had the time to purchase any type of maternity clothes. She looked at herself in the mirror, satisfied that the roominess of the tee hid her bump enough to get through the day. She grabbed her sunglasses and purse and left her house in a good mood.

The day went by quickly, filled with laughing children playing games, the smell of barbecued hotdogs, and a general air of goodwill and happiness. Ben had bullied Hux away from his post next to Rey at the ticket table so he could sit with her. They spent the day selling tickets and chatting about the students and their parents. Rey jutted her chin in the direction of Melanie, her most recent new student, and her foster mother Bazine. 

“That’s the one I was telling you about,” she said. “She’s really gruff and off-putting. I don’t know what it is about her, but at the conference I had with her, she was really jittery and cared more about behavior than academics. She rubs me the wrong way.”

“What’s the child like?” he asked. “Anything unusual?”

“I haven’t noticed anything yet, other than she’s really quiet and a little clingy. I’ll keep an eye out, though.” Rey bit her lip, worried that maybe she wasn’t doing enough. “Do you think there might be something wrong?”

“Keep an eye on her, and I’ll tell some of the playground staff to keep a lookout.” Ben quieted down and glanced in their direction as Bazine and Melanie came to the table. Melanie rushed over, throwing her arms around Rey.

“Miss Jackson! I came to get a hug and a hamburger.” Rey laughed at the child’s pink cheeks and bright eyes.

“Melanie, do you see any hamburgers over here?” Rey teased. “We’re selling tickets for hotdogs and games.”

Melanie’s brows knitted in confusion and she turned to Bazine and announced loudly, “Mom, you said she had a bun in her oven! They don’t have any.”

Rey froze, mouth open, at a loss for words. She had barely registered Ben's snort of laughter and she looked over at him, eyes wide with fear and shock. He immediately stopped laughing and looked her up and down, his eyes stopping at the gentle swell of her belly. He blinked, raised his brows, and whispered, “Rey?”

“Um, I...need to go,” she stood up and hollered at Hux. “Hux, take my spot. I have to go.” She quickly scurried away from the table, ignoring the children and Ben calling her name, and walked as fast as she could to the parking lot, only realizing halfway that she had forgotten her purse.

“Shit!” she exclaimed and turned around, nearly colliding with Ben, who had had the sense to grab her bag and come after her. 

“Rey, what is going on? What happened back there?”

“I’m pregnant,” she blurted. Her eyes immediately filled with tears and she grabbed her bag, frantically searching for her sunglasses and keys, wishing she were anywhere else.

“What?” Ben’s voice was eerily quiet and Rey was afraid to look him in the eyes. She had really fucked up. Now what?

“I’m pregnant,” she whispered. 

“Oh.” Ben looked shell-shocked. 

“Is that all you have to say?” she asked.

His eyes snapped to hers and his face flushed red with anger. “What the hell am I supposed to say, Rey?” Rey wasn’t surprised at his tone. She didn’t know what to expect, but she was prepared for anger to be a possibility. “I wasn’t aware you were seeing anyone else. Seems like your little fit about Jyn was a bit hypocritical, don’t you think?”

“My fit?” Rey reeled as if he had slapped her. “I’m not sure you understand…”

“You had the audacity to ignore me and make me feel bad for something that wasn’t even my fault when you were sleeping with someone else. What else is there to understand? I mean, I guess I’m the idiot here, but you’re the liar.”

Rey felt like she was moving in slow motion and her world was turning upside down. How could he have misunderstood so badly? She was having trouble breathing as the tears fell, hot and fast down her face. She couldn’t seem to formulate a response to his hurtful words.

“I need to go,” he said. “Goodbye, Rey.” He turned to walk away and Rey had to physically stop herself from making a dramatic scene. She turned toward the parking lot and broke into a run as the tears continued. They wouldn’t let up until she had once again cried herself to sleep over Ben Solo.

* * *

Sunday morning, Ben texted Hux to meet him at the gym. He was so anxious he knew he needed to do something to blow off steam. They’d been in the weight room for about ten minutes when Hux broached the subject after Ben’s second rep of shoulder presses.

“Ok, so what’s going on? You’ve been acting weird. Rey’s been acting weird. And you both looked like you had been shot with novocaine at the Harvest Festival yesterday before she bailed. Did something happen?”

“Sort of. Apparently she’s pregnant,” Ben blurted out. He sat up and met Hux’s surprised look.

“Um. What now?”

“Yep. Pregnant. Knocked up.” He placed his weights on the floor and made air quotes with his fingers. “With child. And I, being the smooth fucker I am, acted like a jealous idiot, insulted her, and ran off. Because I’m a jealous idiot. Just the idea of someone else touching her…” he trailed off and lifted the weights again, continuing his reps. 

“Holy shit. But wait. How pregnant is she? Is it yours?”

Ben stopped for a moment. He honestly hadn’t given that possibility a thought because it just  _ wasn’t _ a possibility. He shook his head. “No. We used a condom.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“The problem is that even though it isn’t mine, I still want to be with her. Is that crazy?”

“I don’t know. Crazier things have happened. Biology isn’t always what makes a parent. But are you sure that’s what  _ you _ want? Or what  _ she _ wants?”

“I don’t know. I just know the idea of  _ not _ being with her and seeing her with a baby and not being able to be a part of her life...just makes me feel crazy...and anxious.”

“You really should talk to her,” Hux said, racking his own weights and grabbing his towel.

“Fuck, Hux, how do I keep fucking shit up so badly?”

“I don’t know, man, she did wait until now to tell you. That’s pretty fucked up on her part, right?”

Ben shook his head. “It’s probably why she kept dodging me and acting jumpy about every damn thing. She was probably too scared. Shit. What the hell am I gonna do? I can’t just call her up after what I did. She’s probably blocked my number already.”

“At this point, I don’t know if there is a right way to do it. But speaking as a man with a married sister, I can say your best bet is an apology gift. Then let her come to you. Ginny always seems to be happy when her dumbass husband gives her something to apologize for whatever stupid shit he’s pulled.”

Ben racked his weights and sat on the bench, resting his forearms on his knees. “When are you gonna give Beaumont a break?”

“Never. He has sullied my sister.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“That’s my advice. Take it or leave it.”

* * *

Monday morning, Rey entered her classroom and noticed a gift bag set on top of her desk. Surprised, she walked over to it and lifted it to judge its weight. She pulled layers of tissue dotted with gold glitter and stars out and peered into the bag. Inside she could see a piece of soft, black fabric rolled up and tied with a ribbon. When she unrolled it, Rey let out a snort at the baby onesie printed with a giant pair of red lips with a tongue sticking obscenely out of the mouth. It was the famous logo for the Rolling Stones. On a baby onesie. She peered back into the bag and noticed there was a note inside. Her eyes filled with tears as she read it, noticing that he had adapted the Stones’ Ruby Tuesday lyrics in his message: “I want to catch my dream before it slips away. Please forgive me for being an asshole. Let’s talk. B”

Rey sighed heavily. “Shit,” she said to the empty room, while absentmindedly rubbing her belly. “Why does he have to be so sweet? God, I’m such an idiot.”

She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, picked up her phone, and dialed his number. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the comments and kudos! Every one is a drug and I am addicted! LOL I hope you enjoy this update. I know some of you were getting very stressed LOL. ;) I hope to have the next chapter for you soon, full of holidays and pregnancy fluff. <33 
> 
> Come follow me on Twitter for shenanigans, reylo, and Adam Driver thirst. ;) @lil_red_hed


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The response to this has been so awesome! I know some of you were getting anxious. So with this update, I hope everyone can breathe a sigh of relief. ;)  
> Cheers!

“Feels so good inside your arms

Home is everywhere that you are”

Jewel - This Way

“Principal’s office; Kaydel speaking!” 

Rey winced at Kaydel’s cheerleader level of enthusiasm. It was unnervingly peppy for a Monday morning. “Good morning, Kaydel. It’s Rey Jackson. Is Mr. Solo available?” 

“Sorry, Miss Jackson. He’s out all morning for admin meetings. Do you need me to relay a message?”

“No, thank you.” Rey tried to hide her disappointment, even though it was probably for the best that they not have a deep conversation with small children filing in through the classroom door. “I’ll speak to him later. Thanks.”

“Okay, bye,” Kaydel said, a note of amusement in her voice. 

Rey sat for a moment, contemplating the extra time she’d been given to get ready to tell him the truth. A plan began to form in her head and she smiled as she began to type out a text message to Ben.

_ I can forgive you for being an asshole if you can forgive me for the same thing. Thank you so much for the gift. Would you like to come over tonight for dinner? I’m a terrible cook, but I can boil water for pasta.  _

She held her breath as she saw the bubble indicating that Ben had already seen the text and was working on his response.

**_Ben_ ** _ : I would love to. Six ok? _

_ Yes. Perfect. _

**_Ben:_ ** _ :) _

Rey laughed out loud at his old person emoji before switching over to her messages with Rose.

_ Good morning! Change of plans. I don’t need you to go with me to the doctor this week. I am fairly certain my baby daddy will be accompanying me.  _

**_Rose:_ ** _ Fucking finally!!! I was ready to smack you upside the head! _

_ Shut up. _

**_Rose:_ ** _ When did you tell him? What happened? _

_ Long story. Ask Hux. Gotta go! _

**_Rose:_ ** _ What?! Boo. You suck. _

_ Byeeee! Xoxoxo _

Rey felt lighter than she had in days. Things were finally going right for a change. She let herself daydream for a moment, imagining what his face would look like when he realized he was going to be a father. She hoped he would be happy, or at least willing to co-parent. Still—the fear of rejection lingered in the back of her mind. 

She shook the thought away and gave her belly a pat. No matter what Ben said or did, Rey would make sure this child never felt alone, neglected, or unwanted. But something told her Ben wasn’t the type to run. Regardless of how he felt about her, she was pretty sure she could at least count on him for the baby’s sake. Satisfied that she was finally doing the right thing, Rey gathered up her gift and set it aside to prepare for her day. 

* * *

That afternoon, Rey left the local grocery store with her arms full of bags of pasta, sauce, salad ingredients, and a large loaf of french bread. The plan was to explain everything to Ben, feed him a home-cooked meal, and give him a gift to thank him for the onesie. She had happened to find just what she was looking for at the pharmacy downtown. As she walked down the aisle that carried her prenatal vitamins, she passed by a shelf that held knick-knacks and the type of gifts you would grab when you had completely forgotten someone’s anniversary or baby shower. She plucked it off the shelf and added it, along with some gift wrap and ribbon, to her purchases, paid the clerk who kept eyeing her speculatively, and headed home.

Her well-thought-out plan began to go haywire after she had arrived home and began to cook the pasta. While Rey had told Ben she could boil water for the pasta, she neglected to tell him that her pasta cooking expertise was much more suited to a box of Kraft Mac & Cheese. Boiling an entire pound of pasta in a tiny pot was entirely different than a seven-ounce box of macaroni. She stared at the clumpy, half-burned, half mushed mess and sighed. After dumping the disaster into the trash she fished through her junk drawer for coupons for the local pizza place. She remembered Ben saying he liked pepperoni, so she placed an order and set about making the salad when the doorbell rang.

Rey felt her mouth go dry and her hands start to sweat as she walked to the front door. She gave herself the shortest pep talk in the world before plastering a grin on her face and opening the door with an overly cheerful, “Hi!”

“Hey,” he said, and Rey noticed his eyes immediately went to the small bump clearly visible in the yoga pants and tee-shirt she was wearing. His cheeks flushed pink and he looked away, not meeting her eyes. Rey had thought it would be silly to continue to hide in bulky clothes, but his reaction had her second-guessing her sartorial choices.

“Hi,” she said again, stepping aside. “Come on in, let me take your coat. Have a seat. Can I get you something to drink? Water, tea, soda?”

“Water is fine,” he said. Rey could feel his eyes on her as she flitted about hanging his coat, filling his water glass, and standing nervously as he sat on the sofa and sipped. 

“I’m really glad you came,” she said softly, sitting down beside him. “Thank you for the gift...and the note. It was beautiful.”

“I really am sorry, Rey. I never meant to imply that you were…” Ben didn’t need to finish the sentence for Rey to know what he meant.

“I accept your apology.” She reached over to squeeze his hand when the doorbell rang. 

“What’s that?” Ben asked.

“That is dinner,” she said. “It turns out I am terrible at cooking anything more complicated than boxed macaroni and cheese.” She shrugged and opened the door, paying the delivery person while Ben took the box and set it on the table and waited for her to join him.

“I think you said you like pepperoni, right?” she asked as she opened the box of the large pepperoni pizza. She began to methodically peel the pepperoni off of half the pizza, placing each circle on the other side of the pizza until one side was nothing but cheese while the other was haphazardly piled with sad pepperoni clumps. All the while Ben watched in horrified silence as she manhandled their dinner.

“Rey,” he said quietly, “what are you doing?”

“Oh, pepperoni gives me heartburn,” she said without missing a beat. Pepperoni had always been her least favorite pizza topping, but she figured Ben would like the extra. “I have salad and bread, too.”

“Ok,” he said.  _ Just a bit weird _ , he thought.  _ Maybe it was a pregnancy thing _ . “Yeah, I like pepperoni,” he grabbed a slice and sat down at the table, watching as Rey bustled about getting plates and cutlery, setting them on the table and grabbing the salad bowl.

“It’s a Caesar. Is that ok?”

“Yep.”

Once she had settled herself down at the table and loaded her plate with her dinner, she turned to Ben.

“Ok. It’s my turn. I’m not good at this, so you’ll just have to listen while I muscle through it, ok?” She raised her eyebrows, waiting for his response. He nodded, mouth full of pizza and a nervous expression on his face. 

“Ok,” she repeated, “here it goes. I’m sorry that I didn’t say anything sooner. I only found out about the baby on the day we met.” His eyes went wide at that and Rey corrected herself. “No I mean the day we met at school. The first day. When I fainted and then covered you in the paint.” His eyes softened and Rey squeaked out a tiny laugh before taking another deep breath. “I also have not been seeing anyone since we...you know. And I don’t usually do what we did  _ that night  _ either. That was completely out of character for me. Although I’m not sorry it happened.” She flushed and looked away, embarrassed at having to be so open with him. She had never been one to be so chatty.

Ben nodded and opened his mouth to respond before she held up a finger to stop him.

“Not done.” She stood up and walked over to her coffee table, where a box wrapped in silver paper was tied up with a purple satin ribbon. “I also have not seen anyone but you in any capacity in four years. So, well...here.” She handed him the package and sat back down, waiting nervously and biting her thumbnail in anticipation.

Ben carefully opened the package and lifted the lid of the box. Rey watched as a myriad of emotions played across his face as he stared at the gift. He reached in and pulled it out to see a wooden picture frame decorated with multiple iterations of the word “father” in all types of fonts and sizes. In the frame was a sonogram from Rey’s last doctor’s appointment.

“I don’t…” he started, then he looked up, and realization dawned. Rey could see a glimmer of hope in his honey-colored eyes and it made her heart feel like a bird was trying to fly right out of her chest. “Four years?” 

Rey nodded. She was wound tighter than a spring, her shoulders tense, her thumbnail nearly nonexistent. 

“But...we used a condom,” he said, still looking like a confused teenager. Rey threw her hands up in exasperation.

“Ben, for Pete’s sake, it obviously didn’t work.”

“So you’re telling me...that this,” he pointed to the picture and then to her belly, “is mine?”

“Yeah,” Rey said quietly. This was it. Fish or cut bait, Maz used to say. He was either going to run screaming or…

Rey gasped in surprise as Ben dropped to his knees in front of her, reaching for her stomach as if drawn by some unseen force pulling him to his child. He stopped and glanced up at her, asking permission. Rey nodded, and he gently placed his hands reverently on either side of her abdomen, moved his face in close, and whispered, “Hi, baby.”

Relief flooded through her and Rey immediately burst into tears at the sight of him kneeling before her. Ben stood and pulled her up into a hug, letting her sob into his chest while he held her and pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head. Rey registered in the back of her mind that she was making a mess of his shirt, but she didn’t really care. It just felt good to get everything out. The anxiety of holding it in for the last four months seemed to leech out of her and she sagged against his chest for support. He gently maneuvered her over to the couch and sat them both down.

“Don’t cry, Rey. It’ll all be okay.”

“I’m so sorry,” she hiccupped, stuttering in between the words. “I never meant to lie to you. I was just so scared. I wanted to be independent. I just wanted to finally do something on my own and I wanted to make good decisions and try new things and teach and do good at my job, and now I’m gonna be someone’s mom and I’m afraid and I feel so alone.” Rey knew she was rambling but somehow couldn’t stop the excess information along with the flood of her tears.

“You don’t have to be afraid, Rey. You’re not alone. I’ll help you.” He brushed her hair off her face and tilted her chin up so her eyes would meet his. “I promise.”

“You’re not mad?” 

“Not anymore,” he said. “Now I’m just...a little overwhelmed, but I’m happy. Rey, you have no idea. I’m so happy.” 

Rey looked into his eyes, unable to understand. Her lip quivered, and she shakily asked, “Why?”

His eyes—those beautiful eyes like Tennessee honey—gazed at her with such kindness and affection.

“Because now I’m not alone anymore either.”

He slowly cupped her cheek and bent to kiss her with such sweetness, Rey felt like her heart could possibly break from it. It was a kiss that she would commit to memory. A kiss that tasted of pepperoni, the salt of her tears, and hope. 

* * *

They sat for a while in silence, just holding each other until Rey left to clean herself up and they decided to sit down and finish their dinner that Rey had to reheat in her microwave. 

Occasionally Ben would reach over and squeeze her hand and she would have to take deep breaths in order to not burst into tears again. They talked about what the pregnancy had been like for Rey so far; Rey tried answering Ben’s questions the best she could and handed him the pamphlets she had received on her first doctor’s visit. 

“Would you be interested in going with me to the next appointment?” she asked shyly. “It’s this week—Thursday morning. There will probably be another ultrasound and the doctor said we could find out the sex, but I really don’t want to know now, if that’s ok with you.”

Ben seemed to light up like a Christmas tree at the idea. “Of course. I’d love to go with you. Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Ben. I want you to be a part of it all.” This time she squeezed his hand and he smiled at her, his ears turning a lovely shade of pink.

“What is it?” Rey asked.

“It’s just, yesterday I wanted to deck some imaginary guy and now I’m going to get to see our baby and hear a heartbeat and all of that stuff and it’s just... It’s pretty fucking awesome actually. Scary, but awesome.”

Rey felt her stomach flutter when he said “our baby” and she leaned over to give him a hug. 

“We’ll probably have to try that dinner again with your mom, I think,” Rey said, biting her lip and comically cringing. “Do you really still think she’ll like me?”

“She’s been pestering me for a grandchild for years. You’ll probably become her newest hero. She was just telling me recently she wanted to knit baby things. This will keep her out of my office when she’s bored.”

Rey laughed and pulled Ben up to walk back into the living room. They sat back down and she snuggled in next to him, tucking her feet up under her and resting her head on his shoulder. It felt so natural to sit and cuddle and talk. Rey felt relaxed and closed her eyes to enjoy it all.

“You said you became a teacher because of your mother. She was a big deal here in Chandrila, so why didn’t you teach here?” she asked sleepily. 

“She wanted me to. But I didn't want to always be under the umbrella of nepotism, you know? Plus, Leia can be...a bit overzealous in how she likes to be involved in my life. Unfortunately you’ll probably find that out very quickly.” Ben chuckled. “I didn’t want to be stuck here in Chandrila with nowhere to go. So I took another offer, from an old colleague of hers. Andrew Snoke.” He said the name with distaste. “He offered me more money and the promise of an administrative position with no familial ties to worry about. And I believed him. So I went to work there, teaching during the day, working on finishing my credential, and starting admin classes. I ended up becoming the vice principal under Snoke. At first it was great. Really good experience. I learned a lot. Then it became more and more my responsibility to do what he should have been doing. By the end, I could run that school blindfolded. The final straw was when he got a job as an assistant superintendent and didn’t recommend me for the principal’s job. I was pissed. So I quit on the spot. That was the day I met you.” He looked down at her and she smiled up at him in response.

“So while I was celebrating, you were there drowning your sorrows?”

“Oh, I wasn’t sorry. I finally had clarity after all of those years of being used and lied to. I had letters of recommendation in my mailbox the very next week. I realized that coming home wasn’t such a bad thing. It was familiar, and I’d had enough of Coruscant to last a lifetime. I needed something different.”

“Well you certainly got something different,” she joked. She took his hand and placed it on her belly, looked up at him, and smiled. 

When he touched her, Ben’s eyes darkened with something Rey recognized right away. She responded immediately to his reaction, heat igniting in her and her body straining toward him. He smirked and said, “I did,” before all of a sudden his lips crashed down on hers, leaving her breathless. This kiss was different than before. It was full of hunger and ownership as if he were marking her as his. Rey shifted and threaded her arms around his neck, matching his intensity with her own and groaning when he slipped his tongue inside her mouth. She felt his hand slowly work its way under her shirt and slide over her ribs, his fingers soft and light as feathers, moving up towards her breast as he continued to move his mouth over hers. 

She gasped as his palm covered her and her nipple pebbled into his palm. She had been so sensitive that the slightest brush of his hand over her made her throb with need. Her breasts, never really very large, had begun to swell and she had enjoyed having to buy larger bras for the first time. Ben seemed to notice how they fit his large hands even better than they had before. 

“You feel so good,” he moaned against her neck as he left a warm trail of kisses up and down it and across her clavicle. 

Rey wanted nothing more than to give in and let him take her to her bed and make love to her. The carefree part of her was screaming at her to strip and let him do whatever he wanted. On the couch. On the floor. In the bed. 

The rational part of her was telling her to stop. It was too soon. They had work in the morning. He shouldn’t be staying so late.

The rational side won out, and Rey squeaked when she felt Ben’s other hand reach for the waistband of her yoga pants.

“Ben,” she gasped, breathlessly.

“Mmm,” was his response. He hadn’t lifted his lips from her skin and the vibration of his murmuring sent shivers down her spine.

“Ben we should stop. It’s getting late.” She ran her hands through his hair and tugged gently until he pulled away and looked up at her, eyes glazed with desire. It made her feel weak and warm all over. He seemed to physically shake himself before turning to the clock above the television. He grunted in frustration and buried his head in her neck, eliciting a laugh from Rey.

“Sorry,” she said. 

“No, it’s ok,” he answered. “Just. Um...just give me a minute.”

Her shoulders shook with repressed laughter. “Okay.”

After a moment he took a deep breath and lifted himself off of her, looking sheepish. Rey smiled and reached up, pulling him down for a loud smacking kiss on the lips, their noses squished together and Rey giggling like a teenager. 

“So, what are we going to do about this?” she asked. “I’m going to get as big as a parade float. How do we announce it?”

“Let me figure that out,” he told her. “I’ll talk to HR and see if there’s anything that needs to be done to make sure you’re protected.”

“Protected from what?” Rey asked, nervously.

“Puritanical hypocrites,” he responded with a wink. Rey punched him playfully on his arm. “In the meantime, just go about your business and answer any questions any way you want to.” Rey knew he was trying to reassure her, but she could see the anxiety in his eyes. This was a touchy situation with the power dynamic involved. They would be subjected to gossip and malice no matter what they did. 

“Ok,” she said. “Don’t forget the appointment. Thursday at 9 am. I’ll text you the details.”

“Sounds good. I’ll call my mom. We can try again on Sunday if you want. I will make sure to give her very explicit instructions not to call any eligible females in town,” he teased. 

“Ha! Very funny.” She stood with him and walked over to the hall closet to retrieve his coat. He took it and kissed her goodbye, lingering just a bit before pulling away with a breathy sigh.

“Goodnight, Rey,” he said.

“Goodnight.”

He bent down and placed a kiss on her belly, surprising her yet again, and speaking into her belly button as if it were a megaphone, “Goodnight baby.” Rey’s heart gave a little squeeze at his playfulness and she ran her hand through his soft hair affectionately. He straightened back up and brushed his hand across her cheek.

“Bye.”

Rey shut the door behind him and seemed to float around the house, turning off lights, washing her face, brushing her teeth, and climbing into bed on a cloud of happiness. She knew she was incredibly lucky that things had gone as easily as they did and she looked forward to sharing this adventure with Ben, not having to face it alone. She reached over and wound up her music box, softly singing along as she rubbed her belly and drifted off into the most restful sleep she had had in weeks. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, love to Nancy.
> 
> Come find me on twitter. I'm not very interesting, but I have a foul mouth, an unhealthy obsession for Adam Driver, and I love to laugh. ;)
> 
> @lil_red_hed


	10. Chapter 10

"I'm scared

I've never fallen from quite this high"

Billie Eilish "Ocean Eyes"

“It says here that the baby is the size of a red bell pepper and that they’re grasping with their fingers. Oh, and they can perceive light and dark. We should use a flashlight to teach them Morse Code.”

Rey looked up from the game she was playing on her phone as she caught the last line of Ben’s excited monologue.

“What?”

“Yeah, it says right here,” he pointed to an article he had been reading, “they can perceive light and dark. So, we could start flashing Morse code to the baby. They can learn a whole language before they’re even born.”

Rey stared at Ben in confusion, not sure what to say in response to this outburst. He had been overly excited about the doctor’s visit for the last two days, consuming every bit of literature and surfing all the baby websites in order to prepare. The numerous texts she had gotten on the subject seemed to be Ben’s way of catching up for the last four months of missed milestones. It was sweet when she thought about it. Still, she couldn’t help but laugh at the earnest look on his face.

“Do you even know Morse code?” she asked.

“Well, no,” he said. “But we could learn too.”

She laughed out loud, ignoring the looks from the others in the doctor’s waiting room. “Ben, that’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard. You are being so weird right now. Relax.”

He shrugged it off and joined her in her laughter. “Ok it’s a little dumb,” he agreed with a chuckle. He closed the magazine, tossed it onto a nearby table, and turned towards her on the uncomfortable waiting room couch. “Have you been able to feel any kicks yet?” He reached over and placed his hand on her belly. Just like before, she felt that familiar spark when he touched her. Something that was far from maternal and wildly inappropriate to act on in a public place. She slid her hand over his, entwining their fingers and moving closer to rest her forehead to his, trying to calm herself down.

“Just a little,” she whispered. “It’s like a bunch of butterflies.” 

His smile was infectious and he moved their clasped hands in slow circles over her as he kissed her forehead. “I can’t wait to feel it,” he said. 

“Rey Jackson,” the nurse announced, holding a file in her hand and smiling at Rey, interrupting their little private moment. 

“Right here,” she said, standing and grabbing her purse. Ben followed her into the exam room and the nurse closed the door behind them. 

“Okay Miss Jackson, have a seat up on the table.” Ben helped her climb up on the exam table and sat down in an empty chair on the other side of the exam room, watching as the nurse took Rey’s temperature and blood pressure, and handed her a plastic cup. 

“You know the drill. Fill ‘er up. Then when you come back, go ahead and unbutton below the waist and hop up onto the table and cover up. You can keep your underwear on this time. The doctor will be in soon.” She left the paper cover folded on the table and gave Ben a friendly smile on her way out. Rey noticed the horrified expression on his face and stopped at the door. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked. 

“This is...um...all extremely new to me,” he said. “Maybe you can tell me what’s going on. What the hell are those things?” He pointed to the metal arms jutting out from the bottom of the exam table that served to hold her legs. 

“Those are the stirrups,” Rey said with a shrug. 

“St...stirrups?” Ben’s eyebrows seemed to reach his hairline and Rey had to stop herself once again from laughing. She hadn’t stopped to think that this was his first time in a gynecologist’s office. 

“Oh boy. Didn’t you pay attention in health class?” Rey’s eyes sparkled with repressed laughter. “Let me go do this,” she held up the specimen cup, “and I’ll come back and explain it all to you.”

“Why though? They already know you’re pregnant. What’s it for?”

“Shit, Ben, they have to test everything every time. Just chill out here a minute and I’ll be right back.” 

She was still giggling when she came back in, startling Ben who was fiddling with the legs of the stirrups on the table. He jumped and backed into his chair when he heard her come in and shut the door. 

“Oh my god, what are you doing?”

“I was curious!” he stage-whispered and Rey walked over to the table, looking down at the paper cover she was to use. She looked back at Ben. 

“Turn around,” she said.

“Why?”

“Good lord, is this what parenting your child is going to be like? I’m going to take my pants off and lie down. Now turn around.” Her face felt hot at the overwhelming awkwardness of this experience and she waited, arms crossed over her chest, for Ben to turn around.

“See I don’t get that, either,” he said as he followed her order. “Why do you have to be naked for this? I thought they just did a picture and that was it.”

“Oh boy,” Rey said. “It’s a little more involved than that. And I’m not going to be naked. He’s going to measure my belly and do an ultrasound and so pants get in the way. Okay, you can turn around.” She had made her way up to sit on the exam table and covered herself with the paper drape. She looked around the room, not meeting his eye.

“So, what do you want to know?” she asked.

“What the hell are the stirrups for?”

Rey proceeded to give Ben a brief rundown about what took place in a gynecologist's office, what the appointments were like, and how, no, she wouldn’t need the stirrups this time, but during pelvic exams and the birth at some point, yes she would. 

She then had to explain the subtleties of a pelvic exam. 

“Woah. This all just got real really fast,” he said, leaning forward and placing his head in his hands. 

Rey felt annoyed at his behavior. Why was he acting as if he’d never taken a sex-ed course in his life? “Yeah, no shit,” she snapped before laying down and staring up at the ceiling. 

_He thinks it’s real? He’s not the one who has to push the kid out his..._

“Hello, Rey! How are you feeling today?” Doctor Akbar, her Ob/Gyn, came into the exam room, chipper as ever. This only annoyed Rey because she was dead set on being in a grumpy mood and didn’t want to put on a fake smile for anyone right now. 

“Fine, I guess,” she said. 

Dr. Akbar frowned. “Is anything wrong?” He looked through the chart and frowned again. “I can’t say I like this blood pressure, Rey. Is there anything bothering you? Stress at work?”

Rey glanced over at Ben and grumbled, “Sort of.”

“You’re going to need to take it easy, okay Rey? Light duties. Try and relax. We’ll check at your next appointment to make sure it’s nothing serious.”

“I’ll make sure she takes it easy, doctor,” Ben chimed in. Rey rolled her eyes and huffed. 

“Oh, hello. I’m sorry I didn’t see you there. I’m Doctor Akbar.” He held his hand out to Ben. 

“Ben Solo,” he replied. 

“He’s my bo…”

“Baby’s father,” Ben finished. He glanced over at Rey, looking disappointed, and dammit now she felt bad for hurting his feelings. 

“Ah well, it’s nice to finally meet you,” Dr. Akbar said. If he noticed anything out of the ordinary, he didn’t act like he did. The rest of the appointment went by quickly and then he wheeled the ultrasound machine over to the side of the exam table and beckoned Ben to come closer. He prepared the wand, and placed it on Rey’s exposed abdomen, directing Ben to look at the screen. 

Rey stared a moment at the screen, in awe of what she was seeing. She could just make out the tiny nose and lips in profile and saw what looked like a hand, but she couldn’t be sure. Once again she felt that overwhelming feeling that she was watching all of this happen to someone else. She couldn't believe what she was seeing as she listened to the doctor pointing out things for Ben like the spinal column, hands and feet, and the baby’s heart. He then flicked a switch on the machine and the sound of the heartbeat filled the small room. This was closely followed by a telltale sniffle from somewhere above her head. She craned her neck back to look at him and saw him gazing at the screen, watching the tiny heartbeat as they listened. She felt all her annoyance fly right out of her at the sight of him and reached up to touch his hand. 

“Are you ok?” she asked quietly.

Ben cleared his throat and wiped at his face with one hand, lacing his fingers through hers with the other. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. That’s really fast, isn’t it?” He directed that question to the doctor who shook his head.

“Perfectly normal. Everything looks great, Rey. I’ll see you in a couple of weeks. Let’s remember to try and relax, okay?”

“Okay, thank you, Dr. Akbar,” Rey said as he left the room. She sat up, still looking at Ben, who had taken the sonogram the doctor had printed and was holding it carefully, a look of wonder on his face.

“This feels so weird,” Ben said, still looking at the sonogram. Rey bit her lip, worried about what he meant.

“Is that good or bad?” 

When he looked at her, she felt a wave of emotion so strong it scared her. She sighed when he reached his hand around the back of her neck, his warmth sending a tingle up her spine as he pulled her in for a deep kiss. The intensity of it surprised Rey and she leaned into it, savoring the feel of his soft lips moving slowly over hers and his tongue gently invading her mouth in a slow, sweet dance. She made a small sound as she reached up and threaded her hands through his hair, holding him closer to take as much as he was taking and give him everything in return. He pulled away (far too quickly for Rey’s taste) with a gasp, his mouth swollen and pink, and crouched to look into her eyes. 

“It’s very good. Remember that, okay?”

“Okay,” she replied, a little breathless and dazed.

“Rey, I--” 

He paused, his chest rising and falling as he breathed erratically. Rey knew he was just as affected as she was by everything that had happened over the last thirty minutes, up to and including his kissing her. She watched as his eyes moved from hers to her lips and back again. His mouth worked in that subtle way that she had learned was a telltale sign he wanted to say something but didn’t know how to say it. Her heart hammered with anticipation and fear at what it could be.

“Yes?”

“I...I’m hungry. Are you hungry? Let’s get something to eat.”

“Oh, okay. Sure.” She was surprised by how disappointed she felt at his answer. She wasn't even sure what she'd wanted him to say. but she was pretty sure an invitation for food had not been his original intent. He moved away and wiped his mouth, causing her to blush just a little. It was insane how he could go from sweet, to passionate, to closed off so quickly. It left her feeling a little dizzy and a lot confused. She looked down at her lap where the paper drape still covered her lower half and back up at Ben.

“I’ll wait for you outside,” he said, and he was gone before she even had a chance to respond.

* * *

Ben stayed relatively quiet for the rest of the morning, only asking her where she wanted to eat and what time was good for dinner on Sunday with his mother. Rey tried not to take it personally, chalking it up to his being bombarded with a lot of information. She decided to just give him his space, since technically he’d only had to deal with the pregnancy and his part in it for about four days. Still, she couldn’t stop wondering what he’d really meant to say to her in that doctor’s office. He’d assured her that everything was good—”very good” were his exact words. But Rey had grown accustomed to living her life waiting for the other shoe to drop. She couldn’t help worrying about whether or not he really was ready for all this. When he dropped her off at home, he gave her a perfunctory kiss on the cheek and said he’d talk to her later. The dismissiveness left her in a gloomy funk for the rest of the afternoon. 

On Friday, he was less quiet, but still obviously preoccupied. Yet again, Rey tried not to let it bother her and focused on work. She spent Friday evening browsing baby websites with Rose, lamenting over all the necessities and just how much this baby was going to cost. She kept reminding herself to not stress so much, but now that the doctor had brought it to her attention, it seemed like every stressor was a hundred percent more noticeable and set her off without warning—Ben Solo being at the top of the list. 

It wasn’t that she wasn’t happy. She was thrilled at his response to the baby. But that was just it—he was incredibly excited about the _baby_ . But what about her? Rey was afraid to believe he might be excited about her. She knew he was attracted to her—she'd be stupid not to notice that, and it had been like that for her too since the moment they met. But could he ever love her? Would he want to be with her, even without the baby? And what did she even want? The idea of a _relationship_ scared her. She only wished she could trust that it wouldn’t fall to pieces at the first wrong turn. 

By Saturday, whatever had been bothering Ben seemed to be resolved because he was back to sending her texts about the baby. He was like her own personal guide to _What to Expect When You’re Expecting_. Twice Rose had to tell her to put her phone away as they shopped for some new maternity clothes. She then had to spend the rest of the afternoon fending off Rose’s terrible teasing about Ben. 

Now here she was on Sunday, needing to get ready, and feeling like a bundle of nervous energy, trying to figure out what to wear to Leia Organa’s house for dinner. She’d asked Ben what to wear, but he was absolutely no help at all.

“Wear whatever you want,” he said when Rey called him to confirm that he would be picking her up this time. “Mom won’t care.”

“Ben, I’ve never met your mother and even I know that’s not true. If I go over there in track pants and a Stones concert tee she would most definitely care. I’ve seen Kaydel’s pictures. Your mother looks like some kind of small-town fashion icon!”

“Rey,” Ben chuckled, “wear what you’re comfortable in. It will be fine. I promise.” She finally decided on a long-sleeved dress paired with a cardigan that Rose had assured her wasn’t too “pregnant looking,” but left some room to grow into. Not fancy, but not too casual. She opened a meditation app on her phone that Hux had recommended for stress relief and sat down to try to calm down. She had just managed to focus on her breathing when the doorbell rang and she jumped up like she had been electrocuted. She raced to the door to see Ben standing there, looking casual and relaxed in jeans and a dark grey sweater. He reached out and pulled her close, placing a soft kiss on her lips.

“Hi,” he said softly when he ended the kiss.

“Hi.”

“You look beautiful. I like the dress.”

Rey could feel herself blush and shook her head. “What, this old thing?”

He gave her hand a squeeze and winked. “You ready?”

“No. But we should go anyway.” She grabbed her bag and followed Ben out to the car.

They hadn’t been in the car for five minutes before Rey wanted to flee. She had been chewing on her thumbnail and staring out the window when Ben interrupted her.

“Try to relax, Rey. Remember what the doctor said.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “That’s easy for you to say,” she grumped.

“You think so now. Just you wait.”

“What the hell, Ben! Are you trying to calm me down or freak me out? Ugh, just stop talking.”

They remained quiet the rest of the way and arrived at his mother’s house minutes later. Ben grabbed Rey’s hand and held it tight as they walked towards the door. Leia must have been watching for them because the front door opened just as they arrived.

“Hello! Welcome! Rey, it’s so nice to meet you.” She gave Rey a warm smile and ushered them in, stopping to hug Ben and take their coats. 

“It’s nice to meet you too, Mrs. Organa.”

“Please, call me Leia,” she said warmly. “I’m so glad you could make it. I should apologize about last time. I had no idea Ben had met someone because he never _tells_ me anything about his life.” She fixed him with a glare that held more mirth than malice.

“Mother…” Ben began to warn her before she stopped him.

“Oh, don’t mother me,” she said. “You don’t want me to meddle? Call me with updates every once in a while.” To Rey, she said, “Come on, dinner’s on the table. I hope you like salmon.”

Rey smiled at Leia and nodded enthusiastically before turning back to look at Ben and mouthing, “Fish?”

Ben looked like a deer caught in headlights as he mouthed back, “Shit. I’m sorry.”

* * *

Ben and Leia had been sitting and chatting about school business, administration duties, and shared acquaintances over salmon, rice pilaf, and mixed vegetables. Rey had been quiet for the most part, picking idly at her fish and trying to breathe through her mouth to avoid getting sick. That would make one hell of a first impression on her baby’s only grandparent. She picked up her glass of water to take a sip when Leia turned the attention to her. 

“So, Rey. Ben says you’re from Coruscant and that’s where you met?” Leia looked at her with interest and Rey could feel herself tense up. Talking about her past was never something she enjoyed.

“Well, I went to school in Coruscant. That’s where my brother and his husband live. I lived with them while I went to school. I actually grew up in Jakku.” 

“Oh, wow,” Leia said. “I passed through there on the way to Vegas once. It’s really hot.” 

“Yeah,” Rey agreed with a nod.

“And is your family from Jakku?” 

“Mom.” Ben shook his head at Leia. Rey realized Ben hadn’t told his mother about the foster parents, Finn, the multiple schools, the neglect, her adoption, or Maz’s death. While she appreciated Ben not talking about her baggage, she had completely overlooked the fact that Leia would want to know all about it. 

“It’s ok, Ben,” she told him. She turned to Leia and said, “My mother passed away from cancer three years ago. Finn is the only family I have left.” 

Leia nodded. “Well, at least until the little one arrives. How far along are you?”

Rey shot a panicked glance at Ben at precisely the same moment his sip of water spurted across the table. 

“Jesus Christ, mom!”

“You told her without me?” Rey asked. She felt disappointed and a little hurt that Ben would go behind her back like that. 

“I didn’t tell her anything!” he said to Rey. He turned to Leia in confusion. “How the hell did you know that?”

“Ben, how long have you lived in this town? You really don’t pay attention to anything. While I refuse to name my sources, it’s safe to say Rey hasn’t been as good at hiding it as she thinks. The perils of living in a small town, Rey. People know your business before you do.”

Rey was stunned into silence, glancing back and forth between Leia and Ben.

“How long have you known?” Ben asked

“For a couple of weeks.” 

“Weeks?” They both exclaimed in unison.

“I asked around about Rey after my mistake at our last dinner attempt. Which, again, I am sorry for, Rey.” 

“No problem,” Rey groaned. She was mortified at the idea that she had been the topic of gossip and rumors in town for weeks. At least that explained how Melanie’s foster mother Bazine had known. All of a sudden Rey was that seven-year-old girl again, listening to the other kids at her school whispering about her as she walked the halls alone, reassuring the adults who only gave her pitying looks when she told them she had gotten the fresh bruises from riding her non-existent bicycle. The sting of tears pricked at her eyes. She needed to find a quiet place to calm down. 

“Would you excuse me? I need to go to the restroom.”

“Sure,” Leia said. “It’s just down the hall.”

Rey left the room as quickly as she could and went to shut the door behind her when she heard Ben’s angry tone carrying down the hall.

“Are you fucking kidding me, mom? You couldn’t have maybe let us at least think we could announce the news to you ourselves?”

“Watch your mouth, Ben. And why would you need to announce it to me?” She paused a moment before continuing. “Wait. Jesus Christ, Ben. Are you under the impression that you are that baby’s father?” 

“I _am_ the baby’s father, mom.” 

“Oh really? When is she due?”

“At the end of March.” 

Rey had slowly crept back towards the dining room, hiding behind a potted palm and watching as Leia did some quick calculations before she fixed a disbelieving eye on Ben. 

“You’re telling me you’ve been seeing her since at least June and didn’t say anything?” 

“Mom, it’s a long story and it’s not something I really think is your business. All you need to know is my girlfriend is pregnant and you’re going to be a grandmother.”

Girlfriend. Rey was tickled at the declaration. 

“Ben be realistic. Are you sure it’s yours?”

Rey could feel her blood pressure rising while she waited for Ben to answer. This was definitely the opposite of the doctor’s orders to relax. 

“Of course I’m sure.” 

“Just how much do you know about her? A poor girl with no family but an adopted brother? And how much does she know about you? Does she know about your inheritance from your Nana Padmé? What if she’s just looking to get her hooks into you for the money?”

Rey felt a wave of nausea roll through her that had nothing to do with the baby. Inheritance? Did Ben’s mother truly think she was trying to use her pregnancy to trap him for money? Like some damn soap opera?

“I really think you should stop right there before she comes out and hears this bullshit,” Ben said. “Of course she doesn’t know about the inheritance. And why would she? It’s not exactly something to bring up in casual conversation. Rey is a wonderful, beautiful, honest person and…” 

“Honest? How long did it take her to tell you about the baby, Ben?” 

Rey had never felt so terrible in her life. She had beaten herself up over lying to him, had apologized to Ben over and over. He had said he was happy. He’d believed her, right? When he didn’t immediately respond, Rey was afraid any trust they’d begun to build between them was about to be shaken by the doubt Leia was planting in his mind. 

“All I’m saying is that you can get an in vitro paternity test done before the baby is even born. Then you’ll know for sure.”

“Why can’t you just be happy for me?” he asked her, almost too quiet for Rey to hear.

“I’m only trying to keep you from getting hurt, son,” Leia said.

The silence that followed stretched for just longer than was comfortable before Rey made the decision to head back to the dining room. She made sure to move noisily through the hallway so they knew she was coming and pasted on a fake smile before sitting back down at the table. She really hoped she was convincing, seeing as how she was dying inside. She took hold of Ben’s hand and gave Leia an apologetic look.

“I’m so sorry Leia, but I’m not feeling very well.” She looked over at Ben and said, “Do you think you could take me home?”

He nodded, a faraway look in his eyes. “Sure.”

“Thank you again, Leia. It was a pleasure to meet you.” Rey knew the moment Leia looked at her that she wasn’t fooled. She smiled back at Rey, the smile not quite reaching her eyes.

“A pleasure to meet you too, Rey. I hope you feel better soon. Congratulations on your baby.” Rey couldn’t be sure, and perhaps she wanted Leia to be the villain in this story, but she would swear there was an emphasis on the word _your_ that was intentional. Clearly Leia was not ready to accept this child as Ben’s. Not without proof. 

“Thank you,” she whispered. She left the room and house, heading straight for the car without looking back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! Your comments have been great! I promise I will respond to all of them soon. It's been a weirdly anxious week which apparently affects my ability to insert a smiley emoji into a comment. Yay for anxiety disorders! Whee!  
> LOL  
> As always, big thanks to Nancy (nancylovesreylo) for fixing my verb tense, and spicing up my presentation. LOL. You're the real MVP!
> 
> Find me on twitter @lil_red_hed and say a prayer that one day I'll figure out how to put links in the notes. 
> 
> xoxo  
> Ginger


	11. Chapter 11

"just kiss me

in the rain,

so I'll know

you are not

one of them.

those who

run for shelter."

J.M.Storm

A light rain had begun to fall, and the occasional swish of the wiper blades across the windshield was the only sound cutting the tense silence in Ben’s car. Rey leaned back and closed her eyes, trying to make sense of what had just happened, when Ben spoke.

“Rey, are you ok?” 

“Mhm.”

“Rey…” She could recognize the tone in his voice. It was the same tone he used when a student was sent to his office for misbehaving. It made her want to kick him.

“What?” she snapped.

“What is it?”

She sighed, not wanting to talk anymore. She was tired of talking. “It’s nothing, Ben. I’m just not feeling well.”

“You heard her, didn’t you?”   


She hesitated at his question. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Nope. We aren’t doing this.” Ben checked his mirrors, hit the turn signal, and pulled over to the side of the road, in front of a deserted old hardware store with boarded-up windows and peeling paint. He put the car in park and turned expectantly towards Rey.

“What are you talking about? What are you doing?”   


“I’m not going to let Leia’s big mouth ruin everything. You’re gonna talk to me. We are going to be honest with each other. Now please tell me the truth. Did you hear what she said?”

Rey could feel her control snap and her body vibrated with anger. “Which part? The part where she called me a liar? Or the part where she suggested I was after you for money that I didn’t even know you had? No, it must have been the part where she told you to get a paternity test. Is that what you mean?”

Ben turned back to face forward in his seat and gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles were white. “Fuck. Rey, I am so sorry. This did not go the way I thought it was going to go.”

She shrugged in an attempt at being nonchalant. “I’m finding that life never goes the way I think. So welcome to the club.”

“Rey, I don’t know why this is happening. She’s a pain in the ass, nosy, but she isn’t cruel.” 

“Sounded pretty cruel when she dismissed me and  _ my _ baby. Did you notice that?”

“Please don’t, Rey…”

“I don’t want anything from you, you know. That was never my intention. I’m fully capable of providing for this child all by myself, just like Maz did with Finn and me. I don’t need to depend on anyone. It never ends well.” 

“Rey, I know that. I never once thought you were trying to…

“And if a paternity test is what you want then f-fine.” Her voice broke on the last word and she burst into tears, angry and frustrated that she was yet again reduced to a blubbering mess in front of him. 

“I’m just exhausted, Ben. I just want everything to be normal. I’m tired of people judging me. My whole life I’ve been judged for everything.”

He drew her into his arms and let her cry it out until she had finally calmed down enough for him to speak. 

“I’m sorry she judged you. I will talk to her and get this straightened out.”

She shuddered and peered up at Ben. “I always end up crying all over you. You must be getting pretty tired of it.” 

“No,” he said, stroking her hair. “I understand. This is really stressful for you. And just so you know, I don't want a paternity test.”

“But, Leia…”

“You let me deal with Leia. She was out of line. I warned you about the meddling. She has no boundaries. You won’t have to hear anything like that from her again. I promise.”

“But…”

“No buts. I believe you, Rey. That’s it. That’s all there is to it. That is  _ my _ child.  _ Our _ child. And even if it weren’t, she had no right. Who I choose to take care of is my business. That’s the end of it. I don’t want you to worry about it anymore. Okay?”

Rey nodded quietly and rested her head on his shoulder. The rain outside the car was heavier now, a rhythmic pattern that she found soothing. After a while, the car had cooled and Rey shivered, pulling her sweater tighter around her. Ben turned the car back on and turned up the heater while Rey watched, gathering the courage to ask what she wanted to ask three days before. 

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” He looked over at her and she turned away, not brave enough to meet his intense gaze. 

“What happened at the doctor’s office? After you kissed me? You acted so strange afterward and all day on Friday. It keeps getting stuck up in my head and it scares me. I’m afraid I’m doing so many things wrong.” 

He sighed and reached for her hand. The warmth of him seeped into her chilled fingers. “It’s a lot to take in so quickly, Rey. I...I just needed some time to think.”

“About what?”

He huffed a small laugh. “About everything. About us. About moving forward. There’s a lot we are going to have to talk about. A lot of changes before and after the baby arrives. And I’ve been pretty overwhelmed thinking about it all. Seeing the baby moving and hearing the heartbeat just made everything so...I don’t know...real for lack of a better word. Like it’s not abstract anymore; it’s happening. And it’s going to happen quickly. I guess it just hit me hard at that moment. I’m sorry if it scared you. It scares me, if you want to know the truth.” 

“Do you think we should stop seeing each other for a while?”

“No! Not unless that’s something you want.”

Rey could feel relief edging out the hurt and sadness that she had been steeping in this whole time. She was thankful that he still wanted to be around her.

“No, I don’t,” she said. “I just want to spend time with you that doesn’t end with me emotionally exhausted and feeling like a piece of crap.”

“Okay.” He put the car into gear and pulled back onto the road.

“Okay, what?”

“Okay, we are going to spend time together without emotional exhaustion and feeling like crap.”

His matter-of-fact declaration made her smile her first real smile in hours. “Oh really?”

“Yep. It’s still early. We’ll go back to my place and I’ll order you a pizza. We can Netflix and chill.” 

“I can’t believe you just said that.”

“Hey, I am hip with the current slang. And I’ll even let you pick the movie.”

Rey hummed and nodded as if she were making a very important business deal. She tapped her chin and pointed at Ben. “Will you buy me some Fiddle Faddle?”

“Of course.”

“Deal.”

* * *

**NOVEMBER**

The following week Rey decided to throw caution to the wind and break in her new maternity wardrobe. The shirt she was wearing didn’t hide the fact that she was pregnant, but she figured since everyone was talking about her behind her back anyway, she might as well give them what they wanted. She only wished she had a tee-shirt that said “Property of Ben Solo” with an arrow pointing to her belly. That would really give them something to gossip about.

She arrived on campus feeling strangely confident, like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She walked into the office and greeted Kaydel, who looked at her wide-eyed and stuttered out a “Hi, Rey,” to which Rey replied “Morning!” in a singsong voice before walking right into Ben’s open office without asking. She closed the door behind her and burst into a fit of giggles, surprising Ben. He looked up at her and smiled.

“Well hello to you too.”

“You should have seen Kaydel’s face just now,” Rey said, turning in circles, modeling her new outfit. “How do I look?” she asked.

“Beautiful, as always. And definitely pregnant,” he said.

“Aw shucks, you sweet talker.”

“I’m assuming that was what you were going for?”

“Yep. I figured I’d just jump right in and see how long it takes before they start whispering about me in the hallways like in high school. And you’re not off the hook either. I’ll be visiting you regularly so you can be the subject of gossip too.”

“How thoughtful,” he said.

“Don’t mention it. Seriously though, I wanted to ask you a question.”

“What is it?”

“What are you doing over Thanksgiving break? I thought it might be a good time to introduce you to my brother. Are you free?”

“Looks like I’m meeting my girlfriend’s family,” he said with a wink.

“Okay, I’ll let Finn know. Are you sure your mom won’t mind?”

“She’ll live. This is important.”

“Thank you,” she said, a happy blush spread over her cheeks. She blew a kiss and left the office, winking at Kaydel on her way out. 

For the rest of the morning, Rey felt like things were finally going right. Things were really good between her and Ben, his mother notwithstanding. She felt relaxed and happy. That should have been her first clue that something was about to go sideways. If Rey Jackson was relaxed, it was always the calm before the storm.

It was right before lunch when she noticed something she hadn’t seen before. Her student Melanie had arrived late, dressed inappropriately for the weather and looking very tired. Rey made a note of it, intending to send a reminder to all her students’ guardians that cold weather was here, and California or no, they needed something to keep them warm. She lent the child a sweater to put on for the rest of the day. As she was helping Melanie put it on, Rey noticed the bruises. 

If the child hadn’t been wearing a tank top in November, Rey probably would not have noticed the row of purple fingerprint-sized marks on her thin bicep. It left a sour taste in her mouth and brought back unpleasant memories of one of the string of guardians who used physical aggression to subdue her. Her chest felt tight and her head began to pound. She sent Melanie back to her seat and walked over to her desk, dialed Hux’s number, and waited for his student receptionist to bring him to the phone.

“What’s up, Jackson?”

“Hux, I need you to take my class to lunch.”

“Is everything okay?” he asked. 

“I’m fine. I just need to do something important. Can you help me out?”

“Sure. Send them over.”

“I owe you one.”

“Oh, you owe me a lot. I’m keeping track.”

“Ha! Thanks.” She hung up and directed the students to line up for lunch and head next door.

Her next call was to Ben.

“Principal’s office; Kaydel speaking.”

“Kaydel, it’s Rey. Is he available?”

“Yes ma’am. Hold please.”

“What can I do for you, Rey?” Ben asked. His principal voice was very professional. She had to give him credit for being able to wear that mask all day no matter what.

“Ben,” she whispered. Her voice was hoarse and shaky. The enormity of the situation brought up images she had so carefully pushed to the back of her mind. Her worst nightmare as a teacher was coming true and she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to handle it. 

“Rey? What’s wrong? Is it the baby?” Ben’s worried voice made her heart ache. 

“No. I’m fine.” She took a deep breath and plunged in. “It’s Melanie. I have to call CPS. She’s… Ben, there are bruises and I’m pretty sure…” her voice trailed off, and she could hear him sigh and softly curse in response. 

“Okay. You know what to do next?”

“Yeah.”

“When you finish the phone call and the written form, let me know and I’ll take it from there. Do you need someone to cover for you the rest of the day?”

“No. I’ll be fine. I’ll let you know when I’m done.”

“I’m so sorry, Rey.”

“Me too, Ben. Thanks.”

* * *

After Rey had finished her phone call and paperwork to report her suspicions, she emailed Ben to let him know she was finished and sat back in her chair, feeling drained. She had a few more minutes left in her lunch period, so she dialed Finn’s number and hoped he wasn’t too busy. She was relieved when his cheerful voice answered on the third ring, and immediately relaxed. 

“Hey, sis! Long time no speak!” 

“Hey, Finn. How’s my favorite house husband?”

“Just living the dream—grocery lists and bill paying. What’s up? You ok? You sound tired.”

“I am. I’ve been really busy. And today has been...rough. I just needed to hear your voice.” 

“Aww, I’m sorry your day is shit. Anything I can do?”

“Just distract me.”

“Hmm, okay, well, Poe and I want to do something for Thanksgiving. Nothing too fancy. Just you and Rose and her new boyfriend hanging out, playing dumb board games. What do you think?”

“I think it sounds great. I had been meaning to ask about the holiday. And if Rose is bringing Hux, do you mind if I bring someone?”

“Oh really?”

“Stop it.”

“Stop what? I said nothing. I’m just shocked, Miss Independent. You haven't brought anyone to meet the family since high school.”

“If you keep messing with me I won't come at all.”

“Go ahead and bring your friend. The more the merrier. And bring that wine that you and Poe like.”

“Sounds good to me. See you then.” She didn’t need to tell him the wine would be all Poe’s before she hung up with a smile. He’d find that out soon enough. 

By the end of the day, Rey was worn out. Melanie had been called to the office after lunch, and hadn’t returned. Rey was familiar enough with the process to know that Melanie would be confused and scared and probably placed with a new family within the next day. Knowing it wasn’t her first time being placed in the system only made Rey feel worse. She hoped that the next placement would be better than the last. She felt a searing anger at Bazine. Whether or not she was the one who hurt the child, she was complicit and it infuriated Rey. It only brought back a flurry of painful memories and left her feeling drained.

When Ben entered her classroom much later, he closed the door behind him and stood, his hand extended, palm up, not saying a word. She quickly got up and took it, letting him pull her into his arms. She marveled at his ability to know what she needed at that moment. No words, just comfort. He held her quietly for a few moments before she felt him kiss the top of her head.

“Is there anything you need me to do? Do you need to talk about anything?”

She went up on tiptoe to place a kiss on his lips, smiling softly at his surprised expression.

“No. But thank you for being here.”

“I’m always here for you, Rey.”

For the first time in hours, Rey felt warmth seep into the cold that had enveloped her. She hugged him tightly and whispered in his ear, “Thank you.”

“Let’s go,” he said. “I’ll make dinner.”

“That sounds good. I’m starving.” She retrieved her things and went to follow him out the door when he stopped and turned to her. He took her hand again, threading his fingers through hers before continuing on out the door.

“Are you sure, Ben?” she questioned. “People will see.”

“Let them see.” He lifted her hand to his lips, ghosting a kiss over her knuckles.

She let him lead her to her car, feeling light, hopeful, and something else. Something she had never felt before— but something she knew would change her life permanently if she acknowledged it . She folded it up tightly and tucked it away into her heart until she was ready to deal with the consequences. 

* * *

Thanksgiving morning, Rey took advantage of the fact that she didn’t need to be anywhere until the afternoon and that Ben was spending the morning with his mother.  He'd told Rey that Leia had been angry after he'd informed her, the day after their disastrous dinner, that any more talk of paternity tests would decrease her chances of seeing the child when it was born. Leia hadn’t appreciated Ben’s assertiveness, but  Rey had cheered inwardly to know that she had him in her corner. Leia pouted for a while, but then came around and asked Ben to bring Rey for Thanksgiving. 

The look Rey had given him could have curdled milk. It would be a while before she was even going to consider going to Leia’s house.

Ben informed Leia that they had plans and so she settled for breakfast with her son before heading to her brother Luke’s house for dinner. 

So Rey spent the morning lazing around in bed and watching the parade on television before reluctantly getting up to get ready for the drive to Coruscant. When Ben arrived she was ready to go, wrapped up in leggings, an oversized sweater, and a puffy jacket. She pulled a beanie out of the pocket and pulled it over her head, smiling brightly at Ben. Her smile faltered when she saw him look at her oddly.

“What?” she asked, looking down her front to see if she had something on her clothes.

Ben’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Why are you dressed like that?”

“Because it’s cold outside?”

“No, no. You have cold weather stuff that doesn’t swim on you like that. I’ve seen it. What are you up to?”

“Nothing.”

“Rey…”

“Okay, I may have avoided telling Finn and Poe about the baby.”

Ben’s eyebrows shot up and he stared at her, blinking in disbelief. 

“Are you kidding? You’re five months pregnant, Rey.”

“I know that,” she said quietly. “I’ve had stuff on my mind. And I didn’t want to tell them over the phone. I’ve been busy. I thought telling them would make a nice holiday memory. I just didn’t want to barge in belly first. I thought baggy clothes would ease them into it.”

“Right. Good lord, Rey.”

Her shoulders sagged. “I know. But Finn has been wanting a baby for two years. I was scared to say anything at first and then it just...got away from me.”

“Do I need to be prepared to have my ass kicked?” he asked, helping her into the car. Rey snorted.

“You’re as big as a house. Nobody is going to try and kick your ass. They’re going to love you. And you’ll have Hux for backup in case there’s a rumble.”

“A rumble?”

“Yeah. Like a turf war.” She started whistling “Jet Song” from  _ Westside Story,  _ complete with finger snapping and jazz hands.

“You’re crazy,” he said.

“You love it,” she joked back, scrunching her nose at him.

“I do.” He tapped his finger on her nose and winked before he saw her face and realized what he had said. 

Rey swallowed and began to say something when she jumped at the buzzing of her phone. 

**_Rose:_ ** _ Hey Rey, you coming? Poe is pulling out scrapbooks with high school pictures. Says it’s Hux’s initiation into the family. It’s gotten weird already. Please hurry. Warn Ben.  _

_ LOL, We’re leaving now. _

**_Rose:_ ** _ Be safe. Love you!! _

“Everything good?” Ben asked, buckling himself in. 

“Yeah, it was Rose. She told me to warn you that Poe is pulling out high school scrapbooks. It’s been a while since we’ve brought anyone to meet them. Poe is easily excitable.”

“You guys are all really close.” It was less of a question than a statement of fact.

“We’ve all been inseparable for years. Rose and her sister Paige are like family. We all stick together.”

“It must be nice to have siblings to share holidays and things like that.”   
  
“What were your holidays like growing up?” 

Ben shrugged. “Boring really. It was mostly just me with a book, or me getting into trouble with Hux if he was available. No siblings or cousins.”

“That sounds lonely. I never thought about that. At least you had Hux. He’s pretty amazing.”

“It was all I knew. I didn’t realize how alone I was until I met you.”

Rey felt like her heart could burst. She wanted to keep the car ride light, so she switched to teasing right away. “Well, you’re in for it. Between Rose and Poe, you won’t have a minute to feel alone. They’ll smother you."

“And Finn?” 

“Finn is a little more reserved.”

“Ahh, like you.”

She shrugged. “I guess. I never really thought about it.” Changing the subject, she began to fiddle with the dials on the radio. “Want some music?”

“Sure.”

They spent the rest of the car trip chatting about work when Rey wasn’t dozing. Ben woke her just as they were pulling up to Finn and Poe’s house. 

“Well. Here goes nothing.”

They walked up to the front door and Rey had lifted her hand to knock when it opened and Rose was there immediately ranting while Rey stood speechless.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell them!” Rose shouted. “I thought you told them! So, of course I was gonna talk about it. Because before we know it it’ll be baby shower time, and of course your dumb ass didn’t tell them, so now Finn is pouting in their bedroom and Poe went after him and burned the fucking marshmallows on the sweet potato pie which you know is my favorite! Hi Ben.” She moved past Rey and gave Ben a side hug before stomping back into the house. 

“Well then,” Ben said. He looked at Rey standing in the doorway gaping like a fish. “Better get in there and fix it. I’m getting a drink.”

“Oh shut up,” Rey grumbled, throwing her coat on a chair and marching past Rose and Hux on her way to Finn’s bedroom. Poe stopped her in the hall on his way out of the room. He shook his head at her and laughed as he looked her up and down. 

“Come here,” he said, opening his arms to her. She went in for a hug and laughed when he pulled back and put his hands on her belly. “This is awesome, kiddo. I’m really happy for you.”

“I’m sorry, Poe. Is he really mad?”

Poe shook his head and patted her shoulder. “It’s not you, Rey. I promise. He’s just a little upset. We were waiting to tell anyone until it was finalized, but we were getting set up to adopt a baby through private adoption and it fell through last week.” 

Rey felt like crying at that. They had been wanting a baby for so long. “Oh no. Poe, I’m so sorry. What happened?”

“The mom changed her mind and decided to keep the baby. It was really hard on Finn. So hearing about this from Rose today and not you months ago was just a shock. He’ll be ok.” 

“Can I go in?”

“Yeah. But hurry up. Rose is hungry and pissed. Not a good combo.”

“Got it.”

Poe walked back towards the living room shouting, “All right, where’s the baby daddy?” Rey cringed and pushed open the bedroom door. She saw Finn sitting on his bed, holding something in his lap.

“Hey,” Rey said.

“Hey,” Finn replied.

“I should have told you sooner.”

“Yeah.”

“Will you forgive me?”

“Always,” he said, holding his arm out to her. She sat next to him, resting her head on his shoulder and leaning into his embrace.

“Poe told me about the adoption. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s ok. We talked it over and we’re kind of thinking about fostering. Maybe a baby isn’t in the cards for us. But I’m not mad. I was just surprised. I guess a little hurt too. You know I don’t like surprises.” He sighed and shrugged, then his face broke into a childlike grin. “Can I feel it kick? What is it? When are you due?”

Rey smiled at her brother. “We haven’t found out the sex yet. Due in April. And he or she isn’t kicking right now. What do you have there?” She gestured with her chin towards the paper in Finn’s lap.

“This is for you,” he said. He held up an envelope with her name on it.

“For me?” Rey could see that her name was written in Maz’s shaky script. Her heart fluttered and she reached for it like it was a brass ring on a merry-go-round. Finn pulled it up out of her reach. Rey frowned. “Hey!”

“She told me to give it to you when the time is right. But you can’t open it until the baby comes. Deal?”

Rey huffed in irritation. “Then why give it to me now?”

“Because I’d end up forgetting and the kid would be graduating from college before I remembered. So take it, put it away, and read when the time is right.”

“Thank you, Finn,” she said, taking the letter from him. “I love you.”

“I love you too, sis,” he said, kissing her cheek. “Now let’s go so I can meet baby daddy.”

Rey rolled her eyes. “Can we maybe all agree to not call him that?” 

“Ha. Nope. You don’t get a say.”  He stood up, pulling her to her feet and smiling with a mischievous gleam in his eye . “This is going to be so much fun. Let’s go.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the encouragement and lovely responses. I have read all your comments and I'm working on answering them all soon. 
> 
> Someone tell me how to put links in the notes! In the meantime, pop over and interact with me on twitter @lil_red_hed 
> 
> Thank you Nancy for being such a willing and speedy beta. <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tell you what, these last two weeks have been ROUGH as far as writing goes. Thank you to everyone who is still sticking with me! Hoping to get the next chapter in a little quicker than this one. You'll understand why, ;)
> 
> Happy Reading!

"Sometimes I'm terrified

of my heart; of its constant

hunger for whatever it is

it wants. The way it stops

and starts."

\- **Edgar Allen Poe**

"Forgive me

if I find you beautiful,

but know that I see you

beyond your body,

and that I listen to 

your mind and am

inspired by your spirit.

For many, 

love is only skin deep,

but for me,

that is just the beginning."

\- **Mark Anthony**

“Finally!” Rose shouted, seeing Finn and Rey emerge from the hall into the living room. “I’m freaking starving. I want turkey.”

“You are a turkey,” Finn shot back. Rose stuck her tongue out at him and slapped Hux on the arm when he had the nerve to laugh at the exchange. 

“Watch it, Red,” she said. 

“Sorry,” he chuckled. “You’re just so cute when you’re hangry.” He leaned over and kissed her cheek, making her blush, giggle, and push him away.

“Gross,” said Poe. “Can we move to the dining room before I lose my appetite?”

“Shut up, Poe,” Rose said.

“You shut up, Tico, if you want any of my sweet potato pie.”

Rose widened her eyes and her mouth made a comical ‘o’ as she mocked his empty threat. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Dameron. Please forgive me and give me gooey marshmallowy sweet potato goodness. I’ll never disrespect you again.”

Ben watched the exchange with an amused expression as they all chuckled and stood to walk to the dining room. Ben lingered back for a moment. He had never really been one for crowds, had never had large groups of friends, and family dinners were always quiet affairs. Seeing this close group of friends get along so well—and seeing how well Hux seemed to fit right in—made him wish he could be that relaxed around new people so quickly. 

He looked up as Rey sidled up to him and slipped her hand in his.

“You ok?” she asked. 

He looked down at her and nodded. She smiled back at him and her cheeks, which were starting to get just a bit rounder, dimpled. She was so beautiful she took his breath away. He wanted to tell her then and there how much he loved her like he had wanted to tell her so many times before, but he knew she wasn’t ready to hear it. He squeezed her hand and leaned over to kiss her cheek.

“Everything is great. Poe was super friendly and Rose acts like she’s known me my whole life. I’m kind of afraid of what Hux might have told her.”

“Ooh, interesting,” Rey teased. “Looks like a girls’ night needs to happen soon.” 

“I will neither confirm nor deny anything that Hux says,” Ben replied with a wink as they entered the dining room. 

Finn was standing at the end of the long mahogany dining table, pointing to where he wanted Poe and Rose to set the turkey and side dishes in between china, crystal, and an elaborate cornucopia centerpiece. When he was satisfied he pointed to one side of the table and then the other, directing his guests to their seats. 

“Okay, Gingerrose on this side, and Reylo over here.”

Ben shot a glance at Rey and said, “I don’t understand any of that.”

Poe laughed at Ben’s reaction. “Don’t mind him. He’s a fan of celebrity couple names. You know, like Bennifer and Brangelina. Looks like yours is Reylo.”

“I like ours better,” Rose said. She sat in her assigned seat and motioned for Hux to join her. “Sit down, Ginger.”

They all sat down and Ben asked, “Okay so what’s your celebrity couple name?”

Rey and Rose looked at each other and in unison shouted, “DAMN FINN!” before bursting into a fit of giggles. 

“It is _not_ ,” Finn said, laughing. “It’s Finnpoe. Clean, and simple.”

“Boooring,” said Rose, still laughing. 

Ben noticed that Rey had stopped laughing and had a shocked expression on her face, her hand resting on her belly. He felt a nervous flip in his stomach at the thought of something being wrong, and just as he was about to ask if she was okay, Rey reached out and grabbed his hand. She quickly removed hers and placed his where it had been in time for him to feel a tiny thump on the center of his palm. 

“Oh my God. Is that…?” He stopped as Rey nodded vigorously. He felt another movement—this one like a gentle push rolling back and forth. He laid his other hand over her belly, enjoying the wonder of feeling his child moving around and completely forgetting the four other people staring at the intimate exchange between him and Rey. 

“Oh, oh, oh! Is it moving? Let me feel!” Finn hopped out of his seat and rushed around to Rey’s opposite side, dropping to his knees and lifting one of Ben’s hands out of the way.

“Hey!” Ben said, surprised at Finn’s enthusiasm.

“Oh hush, baby daddy. You get to see her every day. Let Uncle Finn say hello.” He waited a moment before giving a whoop as he felt the baby move. Rey sat, indulging her brother, and rolling her eyes at his behavior.

“Get up, Finn. I’m not a melon to thump in the produce section. Ask next time.” She batted his hands away from her and looked over at Ben, giving him an apologetic shrug. Ben only laughed. 

“Did he just call me baby daddy?” Ben said, his eyebrows raised in mock surprise.

“I told him not to. He doesn’t listen.”

“I may not listen, but I can _hear_ you,” Finn huffed, sitting back in his seat and placing his napkin in his lap. 

“I propose a toast!” Poe said. “If Rose will stop eating for a moment.” All eyes turned to Rose, helping herself to mashed potatoes from her already full plate.

“I told you I was hungry. I make no apologies.” She wiped her mouth and held up her glass of wine as Poe returned to the task at hand.

“A toast to family members old,” he winked at Finn, “and new,” here he addressed Ben and Hux, “and the blessings we have been given. Happy Thanksgiving!” He raised his glass and the rest of them raised theirs in turn with a chorus of “Happy Thanksgiving!”

As everyone began filling their plates and talking over each other, Ben leaned close to Rey, placed his hand back where he had it before, and kissed her softly.

“Happy Thanksgiving, Rey.”

* * *

“So, what did you think? Not too weird, right?” 

They were back in his car, headed back home and Ben had been thinking about the evening and how much fun it was. He hadn’t expected to be so easily accepted into the fold considering the situation he and Rey found themselves in, but he was happy that her family seemed to at least tolerate his company.

“No, just the right amount of weird I think. It actually felt pretty relaxed. With Hux there, it was like family. And your brother and his husband are really welcoming. It was probably the most relaxed I’ve been at a Thanksgiving table since before my dad died. Thanks for inviting me.”

“I’m glad they got to meet you. They really like you.”

Ben smiled at her, feeling relieved inside . “That’s good to know. The feeling is mutual.” He waited another minute before broaching the subject he had been avoiding all day. He assumed it would be easier now that Rey was satisfied and sleepy from copious amounts of turkey. He wanted to ask what he needed to ask before she fell into a tryptophan coma.

“So, you know how I was with my mom this morning?”

She tensed up just a fraction and answered with a tentative, “Yes?” She made it sound like a question, as if she were expecting a terrible outcome from his brunch with his mother. He sighed.

“Rey, she feels really bad for what happened that night at her house. She knows she made a mistake and wants to make it up to you.”

“Oh, really?” He couldn’t see her face in the dark, but he could tell by the tone of her voice that she didn’t believe him and was gearing up to argue. He needed to proceed with caution.

“Yes, really. She wants to extend an invitation to come to spend Christmas with us at our cabin up north. I told her you would probably want to spend it with your family, but she thought she could offer an olive branch by way of a mountain vacation.”

He waited while Rey thought it over, trying to be patient, but hoping she would agree. There was nothing he wanted more than to share the holiday with her, but he knew his mother had put her foot in her mouth. He wouldn’t blame Rey if she said no and was afraid this wouldn’t be enough to soften her.

“Rey? Please?”

Rey stifled a yawn. “Fine. Only because I’m too tired to argue and you’re giving me those sad eyes. And if I have to put up with your mother to finally see snow, I guess I can bear it.” 

“Oh wow. Thank you for your sacrifice.” 

“Don’t push it, Solo, or I’ll wrap up a lump of coal for her present.” 

“You’re so dramatic.” 

“Eh. You’re not the first person to say it.” She made a face and covered her stomach with her hands. “Oof.”

“What is it?”

“Junior just roundhouse-kicked me.” 

“See? Even the baby wants you and grandma to be friends.” 

She gasped, “Oh, that is low!”

He laughed loudly, grabbing her hand and kissing the inside of her wrist. He could feel her pulse speed up under his lips and it made him ache with wanting her. Pulling up to her house, he released her hand to put the car in park and turned to her. 

“So, you’ll come? I can tell her yes?”

“If it will make you happy, I will.”

“It will. Thank you, Rey.” 

She leaned toward him and placed a soft kiss on his lips, igniting the fire that was constantly smoldering for her. He groaned and pulled her closer, tasting the sweetness of her mouth and fighting the urge to toss her into the backseat. Putting the ball in her court seemed, at times, to be the most painful thing he’d ever done, considering how she was currently a walking fertility goddess. He gently broke off the kiss and brushed his hand on her cheek, a warm feeling blossoming inside as she leaned into the heat of his palm.

“Thank you again, Rey. Tell your brother and Poe thanks for me.”

Rey’s eyes widened and she squeaked out a small, “Oh!”

“What is it?” Ben asked. 

“I just thought of something. You remember at dinner, Poe talking about how they were looking to foster for a kid?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Is it possible to get Melanie placed with them? Like, do we have any pull at all? She’s such a sweet, smart kid and I just know they would be great for her.”

“I have no idea. I can look into it if you like.”

“Would you?” she asked, looking so vulnerable and hopeful. His heart broke for the little girl who must have looked like that so many times as a child before finding a place to feel at home. Someone she could trust. A family. 

_ Of course, I would. Anything for you. I love you so much, Rey. _

He cleared his throat and said, “Of course.”

She threw her arms around him, hugging him close and burning her face in his neck. Ben could hear her sniffle as she whispered, “You’re amazing, Ben. I...thank you.”

**DECEMBER**

The weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas break passed swiftly, as all of the veteran teachers made sure to tell Rey. They all seemed to think she was taking a bit too long to finalize her class’s choice for the holiday concert, decide what to have the students make for their family Christmas presents, and complete her report cards so they’d be ready to hand out the day the kids left for their holidays. According to Hux, she needed to pick up the pace. He was complaining about that very thing as they sat working on preparing the final art project for the kids to take home as gifts the day before the last day of school. 

“We always think we have enough time, and then we end up stuffing report card envelopes, up to our elbows in glue and glitter, and just giving up and showing The Grinch to the class on the last day. I hope you didn’t wait until the last minute like me. You’ll wear yourself out with all this plus the giant monster baby growing inside you.”

“Stop calling my baby a monster!” Rey laughed, throwing an eraser at Hux’s head. “I am perfectly prepared for my vacation. I’m just here after school helping your slow ass instead of napping.”

“Whatever, show off. And I’ve seen that kid’s father. It’s going to be ginormous.”

“You are the worst. Why do I hang around with you?”

“I’m guessing it’s my copious amounts of gummy candy.”

“Ooh, candy. Yes, I’ll take candy as an apology.”

“Be right back then,” he said. Rey could hear him talking outside her door and looked up just as Ben was coming into the classroom.

“Hey, sweetheart. How are you feeling?”

Rey could feel herself grinning like an idiot at Ben’s term of endearment. He was definitely more free with names like  _ honey _ and  _ sweetheart _ lately, and as much as she hated to admit it, she loved the way his voice got soft around the edges when he said them. Cheeks flushing, and feeling shy despite her current state, she replied, “Fine. Just so ready for tomorrow to be over with.”

“It’ll go by fast. Then tomorrow night we can drive up.”

“Would you mind too much if I came up on Saturday morning? Since I won’t be in town on Christmas, I’d like to stop and leave something on Maz’s grave on the way. Plus if I’m in the passenger’s seat going on a drive like that, it won’t be pretty.”

“Sure. I’ll text you the address. Just be careful.”

“I will, worrywart.”

“Can’t help it. Precious cargo.” He winked at her and she giggled. “Are you free for dinner?” 

“Yep. Just have to finish up this stuff with slowpoke over here,” she said, gesturing as Hux walked back into the classroom.

“Wow. The disrespect even after I bring you candy.”

Ben kissed Rey on the cheek and said, “Come by when you’re done.” He patted her belly affectionately and left, nodding in Hux’s direction as he went.

“You two are sickening,” Hux joked, shoveling in a handful of jelly beans from the candy jar he brought over.

“No more than you and Rose, so shut it.” She snorted at the way his cheeks turned a bright shade of pink and she grabbed a handful of candy for herself. “Come on, let’s get this stuff done so I can go eat.”

“Yes, ma’am!”

* * *

Rey woke early Saturday morning, showering quickly and dressing in comfortable leggings and a long-sleeved tunic with thick socks and soft black boots. She had packed the night before and her bags, complete with a wrapped package of candy coal for Leia, waited by the door. Rey wanted to leave early to avoid any last-minute Christmas Eve traffic and visit the cemetery before heading on to the cabin. Ben had given her the address, and it didn’t seem like too long of a drive, but you couldn’t be too careful on a holiday. 

Rey arrived at the cabin a little after ten. She rang the doorbell, but there was no answer. She knew Ben enjoyed his morning run; he must have gone a little later than usual. She tried the bell again before locating the key just where he had texted to say it would be. She wheeled her luggage in, setting it by the door. 

“Ben? Leia?” she called out. Hearing no answer, she figured she was right. Ben was out for a run and, well, Rey didn’t really care where Leia was. The last thing she wanted was to be stuck alone with Leia for an extended period of time. She put the key and her purse down and wandered around the ground floor, taking in the gleaming wood floors and open floor plan. A huge bank of windows on one whole wall boasted a breathtaking view of a lake across the road and down a hill. A long, upholstered window seat complete with overstuffed pillows lined one half of the wall, looking like a very inviting place to enjoy an afternoon with a good book. A pool table and a bar filled up the rest of the space, while the other half of the room contained a large sectional sofa facing a small fireplace. It had been decorated like something out of a Hallmark Christmas movie, with a giant, lavish tree just to the side of the fireplace—a ridiculous amount of shiny wrapped packages spilling out underneath. The smell of cinnamon filled her senses and Rey felt like a little kid again, with Maz making snickerdoodle cookies on Christmas Eve for Rey and Finn to leave for Santa. 

Her heart gave a little squeeze at the memory and she sighed as she continued her exploration of the downstairs. It was there that she saw something that made her throw her head back and laugh out loud with delight. On the breakfast bar, wrapped in bright ribbon and fixed with a bow, were three giant boxes of Fiddle Faddle. Rey noticed there was a note attached and she opened it and shook her head at Ben’s silliness.

_ To: Baby Mama _

_ Merry Christmas. The first of many. _

_ From: Baby Daddy _

Rey untied the ribbon with delight, snatching up a box and kicking off her boots. Since nobody was home, she was going to relax on the squishiest sofa she had ever seen while eating her favorite snack food. Vacation had finally begun. 

She had just settled down when she heard a thunk overhead. Her heart immediately picked up its pace, and she felt the baby kick in response. Rubbing her belly for reassurance, she slowly set the box on the table, stood up, and crept toward the stairs. 

She glanced around the small hallway, looking for something she could use to potentially club an intruder. She spotted a small, chartreuse vase with a yellow floral pattern around the base resting on a lace doily on a side table. 

_ Jesus Christ that’s fucking ugly,  _ she thought.  _ Nobody’ll miss that thing _ . 

Snatching up the vase, she slowly crept up the stairs, careful to remember the third step Ben had told her about in one of his tales of Christmases past. She couldn’t risk giving herself away with a creaky step. 

At the top of the landing, Rey got her bearings and concentrated on the sounds around her. She couldn’t hear anything until...there...a shuffling sound coming from one of the bedrooms. Nobody had answered when she called. Who the fuck was in that room? 

Her heart racing, Rey inched along the wall. She held the vase aloft, ready to bring it down full force on whatever intruder had taken it upon themselves to divest the Organa-Solo house of its Christmas haul. Reaching for the doorknob, she held her breath and scooted closer. 

The door pulled open with a woosh and Rey screamed as she had never screamed in her life, dropping the offending vase like a lead weight on her bare toe. 

“Holy shit! Rey, what the fuck are you doing?”

Ben stood in the doorway of his room, his eyes wide with shock, hair wet and slicked back with nothing but a towel wrapped low across his hips. If Rey wasn’t so blinded by the pain of what was surely a broken toe, she could appreciate the view she hadn’t yet seen in daylight. As it was, it was hard to focus as tears of pain clouded her vision. 

“Why are you here?! Why didn’t you answer me? What the hell is that vase made out of? I think I broke my toe!”

“Quit whining. Sit down before you fall. You’re out of your damn mind. You almost gave me a heart attack.”

He grabbed her hand and pulled her into the room, depositing her on his bed and dropping to his knees in front of her to examine her bruised foot. 

“Ow!”

“I haven't even touched you. Don’t be a baby.” He gingerly picked up her foot to take off her sock and inspect it closely, ignoring her complaints.

“I don’t think anything is broken,” he said. “Just gonna bruise pretty bad.”

Rey stuck out her lower lip in a childish pout. “It hurts.”

“Want me to kiss it better?” he teased, his voice like melted caramel. 

Rey snorted as he looked up at her, still holding her aching foot. His eyes twinkled and Rey almost stopped breathing. The moment seemed to stretch between them like a rubber band ready to snap. Slowly, Rey reached out to wipe a bead of water that had run from his hair down his cheek. His breath caught at her touch and she gasped at the jolt that went through her at the sound. She looked at him kneeling before her, dripping wet, practically naked, and it was like a bomb going off. The intensity of her desire for him washed over her like a tidal wave, surprising her. 

Rey had thought of him more times than she cared to admit in the last six months. She had tried to fight it because she was afraid of what it would mean to become intimate with Ben. She knew it was stupid considering they were going to have a child together, but she couldn’t stamp down the nervous fear of rejection. She wasn’t exactly her old self. Her protruding belly and ridiculously enlarged breasts were proof of that. Would he still want her looking the way she did?

Her dreams had been so wrapped up in him that more than once she had woken up a sweaty mess, hard and soft in all the right places. But all that she really had was a hazy memory of something that was just out of reach. Now, at this moment, it was different. He was right there, and if she was reading him right, he wanted her. She could see it in the way his eyes darkened and his chest flushed, rising and falling as his breathing increased in speed. 

Rey was tired of trying to fight it anymore. She wanted him. Now. And she wanted to remember it. She threaded her hands into his wet hair and yanked him towards her in one fluid motion, her heart hammering with excitement as her lips met his. 


	13. Chapter 13

"Darling just kiss me slow

Your heart is all I own

And in your eyes

You're holding mine"

Ed Sheeran - Perfect

Sitting on Ben’s bed, kissing his soft lips, Rey forgot why she had fought this for so long. Everything in that moment felt exactly right and extremely overdue. She vaguely registered the sounds of birds chirping outside in the frosty December air as her senses overloaded with all things Ben. His minty toothpaste, the smell of his apple shampoo and clean skin, the heat of his body— Rey was overwhelmed by Ben as her mouth moved over his.

They had kissed plenty of times. It was not exactly new. But there was something about this kiss that was different. It was almost an understanding between them—a promise that this kiss meant more. Rey made a small sound of satisfaction as Ben’s mouth parted slightly in an invitation, and she slowly slid her tongue into his mouth, savoring the heady taste. 

Rey couldn’t seem to stop kissing him, almost desperate in her need to take his breath away—to show him just how much she wanted him. She could feel the heated arousal between her legs as she sucked his lip into her mouth and heard the sounds he made in response. Her hands drifted from his wet hair, curling just under his jawline to caress the sharp angles of his face while the occasional droplet of water ran down his body. She felt him shiver and belatedly noticed the chill of the room and how his current state of undress might be uncomfortable.

“Are you cold?” she asked, slipping her hand down his chest, over the damp streaks left by his dripping hair. 

His eyes were dark and heavy-lidded, looking at her with a need that made her shiver in response, despite being fully clothed.

“No,” he said. His husky voice was a bass line to accompany the melody of her slightly audible whimpers as she explored the hardness of his body. She could feel the slight dampness left behind as she worked her way down and was struck with an urge to taste him. 

With Ben still on his knees before her, she didn’t have to move too far to reach her destination. She kissed him again, deep and slow, sinking her teeth into his lower lip gently and smirking at Ben’s wide-eyed expression. She then continued her slow journey south, leaving a trail of kisses, swiping at the beads of water with her tongue, and humming with pleasure at the fresh, clean taste of his wet skin. 

As her hand slid lower to where the towel was still wrapped around his waist, she heard Ben’s sharp intake of breath and felt him gently grab her hand, halting its descent.

“Rey, what are you doing?” he asked, breathlessly. Rey stopped for a moment, concerned that she had done something wrong. She searched his face for disapproval, but only found a mirror of her desire in his eyes. She raised an eyebrow at him and pulled his hand, still grasping hers, towards her body—a silent invitation for him to explore. 

“You’re a highly educated man, Ben. What do you think I’m doing?”

He blew out a shaky breath before responding. “I...I’m not prepared. I don’t have any condoms.”

For a moment Rey thought she had misheard him. Her eyebrows nearly reached her hairline as she looked down at her belly and back up at his face. 

“Are you serious?” 

His gaze followed hers down to where her softly rounded belly was covered by her thin shirt and realization dawned on him. Rey bit her lip to hold back laughing as she watched his expression go from curious, to surprise, to understanding. 

“Oh. OH!” 

She felt her skin prickle and her nipples tighten with anticipation as the look in Ben’s eyes changed to something predatory. Like she was something he wanted to devour whole.

“Well this is one hell of a Christmas present,” he teased. His hands slid up under her shirt, caressing her sensitive skin, and slowly working his way up her torso. His chilled fingertips left goosebumps in their wake as he skimmed them over her heated flesh. She leaned into him, dropping her head back as he pressed hot, open-mouthed kisses on her neck. She moaned softly at his touch. 

“It was either this or a tie. I took a chance,” she said in between gasps as his thumb brushed back and forth over a lace-covered nipple. 

Rey felt his low chuckle ripple through her body like an electric shock. She closed her eyes, swept away by the feel of his lips pressed on the column of her throat, spreading delicious tingles with every kiss. Her hands resumed their journey down his body, every dip and contour of his muscular torso amping her excitement until she reached the damp towel, somehow still miraculously wrapped around his hips. She tugged the soft material from his body and let it fall to the floor around his knees, dragging her gaze up to where he rested, hard and ready, waiting for her touch. A small noise, a cross between a growl and a hungry moan, escaped her lips at the sight. 

Rey vaguely remembered being concerned whether or not it would fit the last time. This brought back another flash of memory, reminding her that it _did_ and her clit throbbed in response. She wrapped her hand around him, marveling in the contradiction of hardness and soft, warm skin. She’d never really thought before that the male sex organ was visually appealing, but her lizard brain had taken over and all she could think now was, “pretty, cock, mine,” as some kind of cavewoman mantra. 

Biting back a giggle, she gave the base a gentle squeeze, pumping him lazily a few times and marveling in his body’s reaction. She was amazed by him. His small, pink nipples tightened, his abs flexed, and his chest rose and fell with every ragged breath. Releasing him abruptly, Rey stood and turned them around to push him down onto the bed. 

“What are you doing?” he asked again, prompting Rey to give him a look that said _you’re kidding, right?_

“How about you just go along for the ride and let me know if there’s something you don’t like, Mr. Solo?”

Smiling with satisfaction at the way his eyes darkened when she said his name, she sank to her knees and placed her hands on his thighs, her palms caressing the warm, soft skin and scratching her nails lightly through the soft hair leading up to a thicker patch where his cock stood, flushed and ready. She urged his legs wider and eased between them to grasp him between her hands. His groan made Rey squirm with excitement. She kept her gaze locked on his eyes as she licked a messy, wet path up to the tip, feeling victorious and powerful when his eyes fluttered closed and his head fell back with an even louder moan. 

“Fuck, Rey.”

She swirled her tongue around him, tasting the tiny bead of precum at the tip before taking it in her mouth and slowly working her way down, continuously sweeping her tongue up and down as she took him deeper. Her mouth watered as she savored the taste of him, which only helped to increase her speed as she bobbed up and down on his cock, as deep as she could go. She was determined to make this a memorable experience for him and judging by the way he was panting and the nonsense he was babbling as she sucked hard on him, she was doing just that. 

“Oh, God. Rey. That feels...ahh...that’s so good.”

Encouraged by his response, she reached below and cupped him with one hand as she worked his cock with her mouth and her other hand, all the while writhing as her excitement rose higher and higher. She whimpered when she felt him thread his hands through her hair, hoping he would take this initiative and fuck her mouth. He was driving her crazy and making her want to do things she had never done before just to continue making him feel good. She was surprised, then, when he gently pulled, gasping, “Rey, stop, please. I don’t want to...I want to come inside you. Please, baby. It’s too much."  
  
She pulled herself off him slowly—the slick, slurping sound she made as she released him was ridiculously obscene in the quiet stillness of the room. Ben sat up and reached for her, lifting her shirt over her head and tossing it aside, helping her off with her leggings and watching as she slowly peeled off her panties and bra, leaving her bare and trembling in front of him. 

Rey stood there, frozen, her shaky breaths betraying her nervousness as Ben simply stared at her—rounded tummy, heavy breasts, darkened rosy nipples pebbling in the cool air—for just a beat too long. Feeling self-conscious, she started to wrap her arms around herself, feeling too big, too clumsy, too awkward. Maybe he regretted it now that he could see she wasn’t the same as before. Maybe reality wasn’t living up to expectations. Maybe it was a bad idea. Maybe…

“Stop it,” he said, taking her arms in his hands and pulling her towards him. “Don’t do that. Don’t cover yourself up. You are so beautiful, Rey. I just want to look at you. You’re so...” he began, but she didn’t let him finish.

“I thought that...I don’t know. I’m really…”

“Shh. You are amazing. You have no idea how you make me feel. You’re so full of life. And my baby—my baby is inside you.” The emotion in his voice tugged at something inside of her and she reached for him. He wrapped his arms around her and placed a kiss on her belly, making her shiver. “You are gorgeous.”

He continued kissing, moving his way up until he reached her breast and his tongue flicked out to sweep over her tightened nipple, causing her to cry out. He sucked and licked at her nipple, savoring it like a rich dessert while his hand caressed its twin. He moved then to lavish attention on that nipple with his tongue until she was moaning loudly, her hands tugging at his hair and wetness coating her thighs. 

“Look what you do to me, Rey. Feel.” He took her hand and placed it on his hard length. “That’s all because of you.”

Feeling more confident, she pushed him back on the bed and climbed up next to him before straddling him and bringing her face to his for a searing kiss. They were nothing but lips and tongues and breathy moans as she ground herself on him, coating him with her arousal. His hands were on her breasts again, alternating between kneading the tender flesh and caressing the sensitive nipples. 

Finally, she couldn’t take it anymore. She had to have him inside her. She slid her hand between them and grasped his cock, placing it at her entrance before catching his eye and seeing a brief flash of something she couldn't name. Fear?

“Ben, what is it?”

“Are you sure it’s okay? We won’t hurt the baby?”

Her heart ached with something she refused to name as she gazed at his beautiful face. He was so sweet and kind. She couldn’t understand what he was doing with her. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes and she closed them quickly to hide her emotional response.

“It’s okay. I promise,” she said and slowly sank on to him, the stretch somehow easing the ache inside as he filled her. She slid up a bit to sink further, repeating the process until she was seated flush with his hips, fully surrounding him, relishing how her body seemed to be made to fit him. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes with a surprised gasp as she felt Ben’s mouth close over her nipple again, his teeth grazing the over-sensitized peak as his hands grasped her hips and he moved up into her with lazy, shallow thrusts. 

The feel of him inside of her—his hard, bare cock dragging out and thrusting back into her was unlike anything she had ever felt before. She had never had sex without a condom. She knew it was supposed to be more intense, but never expected just how good it would feel. How close. Intimate.

It was heaven. The combination of all the sensations, his thumbs digging into her hips, and his mouth sucking on her skin, spurred her on and she began to ride him with increased vigor, her hips rolling back and forth on top of him. Every time he hit that sweet spot inside her she felt herself climbing higher and higher. She was so charged she felt like she could burst at any moment. When Ben reached lower and rubbed his thumb in small circles over her clit, the tension quickly coiled and snapped and she came without warning, wailing and crying out his name in surprise.

“Ben, Ben, Ben, oh God I’m coming!” 

His hands tightened their grip around her hips and he fucked up into her hard and fast. Her cunt clenched around him and with one final thrust, Rey felt him coming inside her. The feel of that was new and different too, but incredibly exciting. He buried his face in her neck, groaning a long, low approximation of her name and something inaudible as he mouthed at her skin. They stayed locked together, silent for a moment, and when he lifted his head and their eyes met, Rey knew. 

It hit her all at once and she _knew._

_Please don’t say it,_ she thought. _Not now. Not yet. I don’t know what to do._

He lifted his hand to cup her cheek and she was so scared at the look in his eyes. Just when it seemed as if he were about to speak, Rey kissed him, deep and slow. A finishing touch to the pleasure they shared, and—maybe—a copout to avoid what she wasn’t sure she could handle. So she kissed him, smiled, and pulled his head down to cradle it against her, combing her fingers through the damp strands.

When their labored breathing began to slow, Ben leaned her back onto the bed, pulling out of her to lay next to her. Rey turned on her side to face him and gasped as she felt the baby kick into high gear. 

“What?” he asked.

“Oh my gosh, feel!” She placed his hand on her belly and they both lay there, feeling their child moving wildly inside her.

“Why is it moving so fast?” Ben asked curiously.

Rey thought for a moment. “Maybe it’s like when you get off a really good roller coaster ride and you just want to celebrate and high five everyone.” She looked up at Ben and they both burst into laughter at the idea. 

“So that’s the official story we’re going with? Our kid is high-fiving us to thank us for the ride?” This only made Rey laugh harder, her nose scrunched up and her eyes squeezed shut.

“Oh God, stop, you’re gonna make me pee.” Rey grunted as a particularly rough kick got her. She rolled away and turned to get out of the bed and clean herself up.

“Don’t _I_ get a high five for the ride?” Ben teased. Rey turned to look at him and felt her desire stirring again at the wicked grin spread across his face. She was just about to give him a sassy retort when they were both surprised by a shout from downstairs.

“Ben?! Are you here?! Who’s car is that outside? Is Rey here? Hello?”

Leia.

They both looked around frantically for Rey’s clothes before Leia could make it upstairs. Rey couldn’t stop laughing as her underwear flew at her and Ben got increasingly flustered. 

“Shit,” he said. “Why do I feel like I’m sixteen and just got caught breaking the rules? Hurry, go get dressed, I’ll change and stall her.”

“Oh my gosh is that how old you were?” she asked in mock horror.

“Not now, Rey!” Ben shushed her, gesturing towards the door behind her. “Hurry. You are well aware by now that she has no boundaries.”

“Ben, we are grown adults having a baby. I don’t think a little afternoon delight is that big of a deal,” Rey said, ogling him as he frantically pulled on his black boxer briefs. Rey was enjoying what they did for his ass and didn’t notice that he had stopped hopping around until he waved his hand to get her attention. “Hm? What?”

“Afternoon delight? It’s not even noon yet. What are you doing?”

“It’s a joke, Ben. The meaning behind it still stands. We are adults and can bang any time we want.”

“Bang? Jesus Christ, you’re gonna be the death of me, Rey. While I appreciate that we are at that point in this relationship, I would appreciate it more if you would not be standing there naked, talking about banging, when my mother inevitably busts into this room.”

“Ben, I hear you. You okay?” Leia’s voice was closer and Ben huffed in frustration.

“Rey, please.” 

“Ooh, Mr. Cool-as-a-Cucumber is cute when he’s flustered,” she said, turning to saunter into the bathroom, tossing a comically over-the-top kiss over her shoulder and winking as she shut the door. 

* * *

Rey padded barefoot down the stairs ten minutes later and found Ben sitting next to Leia on the sofa and chatting quietly. She noticed her box of popcorn on the table in front of them and her stomach growled furiously—and loudly. Ben and his mother both stopped and turned to look at her with similar amused expressions on their faces. She felt her cheeks get hot.

“Well _that_ was embarrassing,” she grumbled, rubbing her belly in response.

Ben only shook his head and stood up to walk over and place a chaste kiss on her lips.

“I’ll fix you something,” he said. Then, lowering his voice to a whisper, he said, “Why don’t you two have a chat?”

“Okay,” Rey reluctantly agreed. She walked around and sat down next to Leia. Her body was rigid with anxiety and she glanced over at Leia, mumbling a quiet, “Hi. Thank you for inviting me.”

“Rey,” Leia said, reaching out to place her hand on top of Rey’s which were clasped together in her lap, “I cannot tell you how sorry I am about what happened that night we met. I was a colossal bitch and I can't believe you would have the grace to even show up here given what I said.”

Rey’s eyes widened in shock. She opened her mouth to reply, but Leia waved it off.

“No, let me say what I need to say. It’s not often I admit when I’m wrong and humble myself, so let me just get it out.” Rey nodded and gestured her hand towards Leia, encouraging her to continue.

“Ben told me you heard everything I said to him that night. And while I’m mortified that you heard it, I’m even more mortified that I said it. So I want to apologize for both.”

Ben came up next to Rey then, handing her a plate with a sandwich and some fruit and sat down next to her, gently rubbing circles on her back. Rey felt comfortable and relaxed and took a bite of her sandwich as Leia continued.

“I worked so hard trying to raise Ben to be a good, solid, trusting person, and I completely looked past the fact that he _is_ one. I should have trusted him and been more accepting of you. I can’t imagine how much my response to the baby must have hurt you.” Rey watched as Leia's eyes began to tear up and her voice got raspy with emotion. The sandwich she was eating turned to chalk in her mouth and she too felt like she was going to cry. 

_Damn pregnancy hormones._

“And to be honest, it’s always been difficult for _me_ to trust people to want to be around me for myself and not what power or money my parents had. It was always a sticking point with my husband, Han.” She smiled fondly at his name and Rey heard Ben sigh beside her. She placed her plate on the table and took his hand in hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. She understood what it was like to miss someone. He patted her back reassuringly and she turned back to Leia, still holding Ben’s hand.

“So I guess I felt that fear again with Ben. It was wrong, and I’m so sorry. I just…it’s been difficult being alone and I just got Ben back after so long and…” her voice broke then and Rey’s anger towards Leia evaporated. Leia was just a lonely widow watching her only son grow further away from her. Rey could empathize with that. She knew what being lonely was. 

“Leia I’m not trying to take Ben away from you. You’re not alone. And you’ll be this little one's only grandma. You’ll never be alone again. I promise.”

“Oh Rey. Thank you. And you won’t be alone either.”

Rey reached over and patted Leia’s soft hand. It reminded her of Maz’s frail hands during her treatments and Rey had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from crying. 

“Let’s try to put it behind us, Leia. Okay? We’ll start fresh.”

“I’d like that,” she said, wiping her damp cheeks. She patted Rey’s cheek, excused herself, and left to freshen her face, leaving Rey and Ben a precious moment alone. Rey grabbed the remainder of her lunch just as Ben pulled her close and nuzzled her neck, placing a soft kiss behind her ear that made her squeak.

“Thank you,” he whispered. 

“Mhm,” she murmured contentedly. “That wasn’t quite as bad as I thought it would be.” Rey leaned into his embrace and happily munched her sandwich. Things were finally starting to feel right. She had made peace with Leia, she and Ben were...well they were doing well, her family was healthy and happy, and she felt hopeful for the future. 

All she needed to do now was relax and enjoy the holiday. 


	14. Chapter 14

“If your love could be caged,

honey I would hold the key.”

~ Faith Hill “Cry”

The rest of the afternoon involved taking in the sights around the lake and the property surrounding the cabin. Ben and Rey spent their time together walking, holding hands, stealing kisses, and enjoying the crisp mountain air. They watched birds and animals scurry around looking for any winter leftovers and crunching the last of the fallen leaves. 

They stopped when they reached the bright blue lake itself, shining like sun-kissed sapphires in the afternoon light. Ben wrapped his arms around Rey, pulling her back to his front and buffeting her from the icy breeze coming off the water. She leaned her head back onto his chest and sighed with contentment as she returned his embrace. Her sigh turned into a giggle as he wriggled his nose underneath her hair, and her knitted beanie to place a soft kiss behind her ear. 

“Tell me something about you,” she requested, absentmindedly running her gloved fingers along his arms. 

“Hm,” Ben hummed in thought. After a moment, he said, “My grandparents were married here.”

“Really?” Rey breathed. Her voice had taken on a dreamy tone, and Ben smiled at the way she sounded. Full of romantic nostalgia. He continued his tale. 

“Yeah, right over there.” He pointed across the lake to the far shore. Rey could make out a recreation area, a boat dock, and a sizable palatial house across the lake. “That big house there was the home of a friend of my great-grandmother, Shmi. The current owners renovated it years ago, and now they use it as a venue for parties and things, but back then, it was just a vacation home. Grandmother’s name was Padmé. She and her husband Anakin were married on the balcony overlooking the lake. Years later, after they had my mom and my uncle, they bought our cabin. They left it to mom and Uncle Luke, and we’ve been coming here as long as I can remember.”

“That’s nice that you have that family history and stories to share,” Rey murmured. Her sentiment sounded melancholy. 

“It’s not just my history anymore,” Ben said, sliding his hands down the front of Rey’s winter coat to caress her belly. “It’s ours now.”

Rey turned to look at Ben, a curious expression on her face that he couldn’t quite read. She nodded thoughtfully and gave him a small smile before she shivered. 

“I’m cold. Maybe we should go back?” Rey asked. 

“Sure.” Ben took her hand and led her back to the cabin. He had a strange feeling like he had made a mistake somehow, but he couldn’t quite understand why.

When they returned to the cabin, Leia had the kitchen set up to make Christmas cookies. Containers of flour, sugar, sprinkles, and frosting lined the counter, along with a myriad of cookie cutters in all shapes and sizes. Ben rolled his eyes, remembering how Leia had forced him to bake every Christmas growing up and how much he hated it, but Rey squealed with childlike joy. 

“I haven’t made Christmas cookies since I was little!” she laughed. 

“Who do you expect to eat all of these cookies when there are just three of us?” Ben asked his mother. He saw the twinkle of excitement in Rey’s eyes and was torn between annoyance with Leia and the desire to indulge Rey’s every whim. Her cheeks were flushed pink with the cold, and her eyes were bright with happiness. She looked so beautiful at the moment. Who was he kidding? He knew he would happily eat any cookie she made, even if they were burnt to a crisp and tasted like chalk. 

“You, you big refrigerator,” Rey teased as if she could read his mind. “You’re going to eat all the cookies I make and smile about it.” 

“You got it, baby mama,” Ben teased back, laughing at his mother’s shocked face. 

“Benjamin!”

Rey laughed, “Oh, it's alright, Leia. My brother calls him baby daddy. I guess it’s a thing now.”

“Tell me about him,” Leia urged, beginning to prepare the ingredients for the cookies. 

Ben eased away from them quietly, letting them visit and bond over sugar cookies and family stories. He needed to go upstairs anyway, to go over his plans again and make sure everything would work out just right. 

* * *

After a dinner of pepperoni pizza from Leia’s favorite local pizza parlor (another Solo Christmas Eve tradition) they spent the evening in front of the fire, chatting about holiday plans, eating cookies, and watching sappy Christmas movies on the television. Ben had never felt happier than he did at that moment, his arm around Rey, her head on his shoulder, and enjoying the feel of the baby kicking as he caressed her belly. He wanted nothing more than to lean over and whisper in her ear how much he loved her, but he knew it wasn’t quite the right time. Instead, he kissed her forehead and smoothed out the curls that had escaped her ponytail. She nuzzled closer with a sleepy sigh and smiled up at him, making him chuckle at her cheeks puffed out from a mouthful of sugar cookie. 

“Well, kids, I’m off to bed. I’ll see you in the morning. Don’t stay up too late or Santa won’t visit,” she joked, wagging her finger and laughing at her silliness. After she had gone, Rey stood up and stretched.

“I think I’ll head up too,” she announced, giving Ben a peck on the cheek and taking her plate into the kitchen. She passed by him again, on her way to the stairs, and brushed her hand across his. 

“‘Night.”

“Goodnight, Rey.” 

He watched her walk up the stairs, a bit disappointed. He had assumed that what had happened that morning would happen again, and he could spend the night with Rey falling asleep in his arms. He reminded himself that he had told her that they would take things at her pace, but his body was ready to shift into the next gear. Groaning, he took another sip of his drink and stared at the fire, watching the logs crack and sizzle. 

When he had finished his drink, and enough time had gone by that he was sure both Rey and Leia had themselves settled, he retrieved the gifts for them and placed them under the tree, making sure to leave the lights on, and a half-eaten cookie on a plate to make Rey laugh. He couldn’t wait to see her face when she saw her gifts, and once more, his heart flipped at the thought of her and how in love with her he was. 

He made his way up to his bedroom, lost in thought, and opened the door, surprised to hear Rey’s voice.

“Well, it sure took you long enough.”

Ben stopped in his doorway, frozen in shock at the sight of Rey, reclining on his bed, completely naked, with nothing but a large red ribbon wrapped around her chest and tied in a bow over her breasts. She had a cookie in one hand and swiped a fingertip of frosting off the top, slipping it seductively into her mouth and suckling softly before running her wet finger over her bottom lip.

“Holy shit,” Ben managed to choke out after coming to his senses. 

“Merry Christmas, Mr. Solo,” Rey sang in a sultry, teasing voice. “Would you like to unwrap your present?”

Ben had never undressed faster in his life. 

Rey tried to contain her peals of laughter as he finally flung himself at her, yanking the ribbon undone and devouring the rest of the cookie, licking the frosting from her fingers. He pressed sugary, open-mouthed kisses across her breasts as his hands explored every inch of her until she was gasping and squirming with need. When he finally slid inside her, it was like coming home, sweet and familiar. 

They spent the rest of the night laughing and loving to the sound of the soft music from the radio and the sparkle of the lights on the freshly fallen snow. Ben fell asleep content that he had gotten his Christmas wish—Rey tangled in his sheets and sleeping in his arms. 

He woke before she did. She slept on her side, facing him, and he spent the stolen moments drinking in the beauty of her. Her soft brown hair was tumbling in an unruly halo around her face. Her pink lips pressed into a perfect pout as she slept. Her skin dusted with freckles that he could spend a lifetime cataloging like stars in the night sky. He reached out to gently caress her swollen belly, marveling once again at the gentle roll of the baby growing inside her. He pressed his lips to her, whispering sweet words to their baby. 

“Hi, sweetheart. Merry Christmas. Daddy loves you so much.” He rested his cheek against her then and felt a tiny kick in response. His heart swelled at the thought that the baby heard and was responding to him. He felt Rey’s hands run through his hair, and he looked up at her, smiling softly at him. 

“Sorry I woke you,” he whispered.

“You didn’t,” she answered. “The kiddo did. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Rey.” Ben kissed her and pulled her closer to him so she could rest her head on his chest. 

At that moment, Leia decided to make herself known by shouting up the stairs, “Merry Christmas! Breakfast!”

Rey’s stomach growled like a Pavlovian dog, and they both laughed at her reaction. Ben got out of bed first, throwing on sweatpants and a tee and beckoning Rey to follow. 

“Let’s go,” he ordered. “Presents!”

Rey scrambled out of bed as quickly as she could, considering her center of gravity was off. She put on leggings and a sweater and followed Ben downstairs, putting her hair into a loose knot on top of her head. When they entered the kitchen, they found Leia, dressed in the most typical Christmas-themed clothing possible, complete with a ruffled apron, placing the final touches on the dining table. Rey gaped at the sight before her. Cut crystal goblets, fine china, and silver flatware graced the three place settings complete with linen napkins, fresh flowers, and silver coffee service at one end. 

“Wow,” Rey gasped, clearly awed by the display to which Ben had grown accustomed.

“Thank you,” Leia responded, proudly. “This was all my mother’s. She was very proper and loved to entertain. I only ever get to take it out at Christmas and birthdays anymore, but when I do, I go balls to the wall.”

“It’s lovely,” Rey said, moving closer to embrace Leia. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas to you, Rey,” Leia replied softly, patting Rey’s cheek. “Now, how about some pancakes?”

After they ate enough pancakes to fill them up for days and opened the multitude of gifts that Rey insisted was “just too much” after every package, Rey was flipping through one of her new books, excited to get lost in the story. She was relaxed and content, and Ben was happy to be able to give that to her. When Leia had finished cleaning up and packing away the china and crystal, she announced to them both that she was going to visit her brother Luke and bring him his gifts. She waved goodbye to Rey on her way out, her arms loaded with packages and leftover cookies. She gave Ben a wink as he shut the door behind her. 

He turned back to Rey, and she smiled up at him so sweetly he couldn’t help but move closer to her and kiss her. His mouth moved over hers slowly, tasting the syrupy sweetness and heat from her lips. She softly hummed when Ben pulled away and looked up at him with hooded eyes. 

“What was that for?” she whispered. A slow, sexy smile spread across her face, making it difficult for Ben to focus. 

“I love you,” he stated. 

Her eyes went wide, and Ben could feel adrenaline gathering in his belly. She still had not responded a moment later and looked shocked at the revelation. He chalked it up to her being nervous, maybe expecting what was coming, so he pushed forward with his plan, holding his hand out to her. 

“Come with me.” 

“Okay?” Her tone seemed to question him as she put her hand in his and followed his lead upstairs into their bedroom. He stood her in the center of the room and pressed her shoulders. 

“Stay right here.”

He walked over to his dresser and opened the top drawer, taking out the package he had finished wrapping the day before during the cookie making frenzy. He came back to Rey and handed the small box to her. Her hands trembled as she took it, and Ben urged her to open it. 

“What’s this?” she asked, her voice pitched high and her breaths coming in short gasps.

Warning bells began to go off in Ben’s head, but he ignored them and continued. “It’s something else for you. For us. Open it.”

He watched as her hands shakily opened the package, the rasp of the ribbon and the crinkle of the silver foil the only sounds in the room besides their breathing. She pulled out the black velvet box and gasped as Ben knelt in front of her. He took the box out of her hands, noticing how cold they felt when they brushed his. 

_ We’ll warm up by the fire after _ , he thought. 

“Rey, I have loved you since I first saw you doing that crazy thing with the pineapple from your drink.” She laughed at that, and Ben smiled in response, encouraged by the sound. “I knew then that I wanted you in my life any way I could get you. You are the most beautiful, amazing, intelligent, and kindest person I have ever known. I can’t wait to meet our baby and give you both a wonderful life full of everything you’ve ever wanted. It would make me the happiest man on earth if you were my wife.”

He opened the box, revealing a cornflower blue sapphire surrounded by tiny sparkling diamonds in a platinum band. 

She stared at the ring for the longest time, not saying a word. Ben watched her face, noticing that there was no smile, no joy, her eyes just looked flat and she seemed...sad. 

“Ben, what are you doing?” she asked quietly, shaking her head and sighing. Ben froze in shock. 

_ What? What is happening? _

“Well, that’s not the response I was hoping for.” His surprise gave way to annoyance. “I mean shit, Rey, what the hell does it look like I’m doing?”

“You can’t do this. It’s...it’s too soon.”

“Too soon?” he repeated, confused. “Says who?

“Says...I don’t know,” she squeaked, looking flustered. Ben was sure there was something else in her eyes akin to fear, but he couldn’t understand why she’d be afraid. “Everyone? Society? We don’t even know each other.” 

He barked out a humorless laugh as he got up, resigned to the fact that his best-laid plans were most definitely going astray. “Rey, don't be ridiculous. Of course, we know each other. We are with each other all the time, we work together, and we are going to be  _ parents _ together.”

Ben could see her beginning to tense up. His heart picked up its pace, fear leaching into his system, making the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. This was not going at all the way he had planned. 

She shook her head as he tried to reason with her, blurting out, “You keep saying you know me. I don’t think  _ anyone _ knows me.” 

He put the box back in his pocket and reached out to clasp her hands, softening his tone, “I do.”

She snatched her hands back, anger flashing in her eyes as she scrunched up her nose at him. Ben knew that face. He was in for a fight.

“You don’t,” she said firmly. 

Now it was Ben’s turn to be angry and afraid. He was messing this all up. Maybe he should have waited. Perhaps he shouldn’t have said anything for a while, and let her come around. He just couldn’t imagine spending another day without her in his life, in his bed, as his partner. He needed her to understand, but he was panicking. Reasoning with her was like trying to empty a flooding boat with a spoon. 

“Rey, I  _ do _ ,” he insisted. “I know you love daffodils and the color green. And...and you read Anne of Green Gables at least once a year because you relate so much to the orphan girl who became a teacher and positively changed her life.”

“Ben…” she tried to stop him, but he kept going. 

“No, no, I know you can eat an entire box of popcorn in one sitting even though the box says there are five damn servings in there. And you always order a large pepperoni pizza and then pick all the pepperoni off of every piece you get and toss it onto my slices, which is actually kind of gross. Why don’t you order just half and half?”

“What? What are you talking about? That doesn’t prove anything, Ben.”

He continued as if she hadn’t spoken. “I know that you care about your students as if they were your own because you want to mean as much to at least one of them as Maz meant to you. You sing terrible Rolling Stones songs off-key in the shower because it’s the safest place to remember her and cry without anyone seeing you.”

Rey’s eyes began filling to fill with tears, and Ben was frantic. He didn’t want to make her cry. Not like this. She was supposed to be happy. She should have been crying tears of joy. What was wrong with him?

“Stop it,” she whispered hoarsely.

He was desperate now. He could feel Rey pulling away just like she did before. When she left him the first time, or when they’d had their misunderstandings. He just couldn’t stop talking. He couldn’t stop holding on to the possibility that she might change her mind. 

“Rey, I know you’re an incredible person. A fantastic teacher. And I know you’re afraid of caring too much because you think you’ll just be disappointed. You think you deserve to be left behind.”

“Please don’t do this,” she sobbed, placing her hands over her face and sinking onto the rumpled bed. The sheets still smelled of them, the cookie crumbs from the sugar cookies she had fed him in bed while they laughed still dusting the blankets. Had it only been hours before?

“But I’m not going to leave you behind,” he continued, sinking to his knees again in front of her. “Because I love you. I want to know everything about you. I want to give you everything. You deserve to be loved. You just have to trust me. Marry me.”

Her shoulders shook with sobs as she shook her head. Ben could feel his insides grow cold when he realized he had lost. 

“I can’t, Ben. I’m so sorry.”

He took a deep breath and fixed his gaze to the wall behind her. He couldn’t look at her now. If he looked at her, he’d break and fall at her feet, begging her. He refused to go that far. He stood instead and turned to leave, stopping with his hand on the door. 

“Well...at least I can tell the kid I tried.”

He left, closing the door behind him with a soft click and steeling himself against the quiet sobs coming from the bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t hate me. Hang in there, I promise a HEA. 
> 
> Thanks to Lindsey for helping with the beta for this chapter. 💗


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a very specific pregnancy related trigger warning in the endnotes. If you wish to avoid the spoiler, keep reading. If you feel this may pertain to you, please scroll to the end. I apologize for not including it before.

"Love's such an old-fashioned word

and love dares you to care for

the people on the edge of the night

and love dares you to change our way of

caring about ourselves"

-Queen & David Bowie

Rey sat very still on the edge of Ben's bed and allowed some time to feel sorry for herself before standing up and shuffling to the bathroom to wash her face. She stared at her reflection in the mirror—eyes red-rimmed, hair disheveled, nose running—and gripped the side of the vanity to anchor herself. If she just held on for a minute, the need to run to him would pass, and she could leave thinking, if not entirely believing, that she made the right decision.

A well-timed kick to the ribs took her breath away. She sank to the cold porcelain of the garden tub, fingering the soft green towels hanging over the edge and trying to think of anything but the look in Ben's eyes when she broke his heart. 

_ We both could have fit in here for a bubble bath, _ she thought.  _ That would have been nice.  _

So many things would have been nice. Playing in the snow, building a snowman, sharing their first Christmas dinner, sitting in front of the fire drinking hot chocolate. It all came down to a yes or a no question, and she had ruined it by being Rey, the coward who couldn't hold on to a relationship if her life depended on it. It wouldn't be the same now, she knew. She'd have to go home. There was no way she could stay here, like some houseguest in a room across the hall, after what they'd shared. 

Taking in a shaky breath, she reached for her toiletry bag and started packing lotions, soaps, makeup, and anything else she had strewn about the bathroom in the short time she had claimed it as her own. When she finished, she went to the bedroom and finished packing everything in the suitcase she had parked by the closet the night before. She quietly made her way down the stairs, forgetting to avoid the creaky step and announcing her presence to the world with one misplaced footfall. 

"Fuck," she exclaimed. 

"So, you were just going to leave without saying a word?"

Rey saw Ben sitting on the sofa, his elbows on his knees, watching her attempt to sneak away. 

_ Like a coward _ , she thought. Outwardly she shrugged. "You can't possibly want me to stay, Ben. How you can even stand talking to me, I can't figure out."

Ben ran his hand through his hair in what Rey recognized as a gesture of frustration. "It doesn't have to be all or nothing, Rey. We can talk about it. Just...stay."

"Ben," she sighed, continuing on her way to the door before stopping to look at him, "I need some time to think about everything."

His face fell, and Rey felt like she had just told a student that Santa didn't exist. 

"It's Christmas," he whispered. 

"I know, and I'm so sorry to ruin your holiday." Her voice trembled, and she bit her lip hard to keep herself focused and not give in to the tears again. "I just think it will be easier for you if I'm not here. I'll finish out vacation at Finn's."

Ben nodded. "Please let me know that you and the baby are safe. Take care of yourself. Try not to stress too much. Remember what the doctor said."

_ Stop, stop, stop, _ she thought to herself. Don't _ be nice to me. I don't deserve it. _

She squeezed her hands, so hard her fingernails pressed crescent moons into her palms, hoping the pain would distract her from her heartache. 

"Okay," she replied.

She watched as he rose from the sofa and came towards her, feeling her traitorous heart leap as she realized what he was about to do. She tried to convince herself that she didn't want him to do it. 

"Rey…" he whispered when he reached her. His voice held a hint of a plea, and she wanted so much to throw herself in his arms and just take whatever came and damn the risks. Why did he have to make this more challenging than it already was?

His hand slid around to caress the nape of her neck as he drew her close and dipped his head low to kiss her. The touch of his lips was soft, gentle, and achingly sweet. Rey couldn't resist opening herself to him and softly whimpering as his tongue slowly explored her mouth, once, twice, three times before he broke the kiss and rested his forehead to hers. Their mingled breathing was the only noise Rey could hear besides the sound of her unruly heart. 

"Rey, I lo…"

"I have to go," she quickly interjected, as she pulled away and walked quickly down the drive to her car, refusing to look back. 

* * *

She spent the rest of her vacation with Finn and Poe, watching old movies, going through scrapbooks, and trying to stay stress-free while simultaneously second-guessing everything she had done that brought her to where she was. Relaxation was nearly impossible with the blanket of sadness weighing heavily on her shoulders, compounded by the texts Ben would send every morning to check on her and the baby and remind her to take her vitamins. She avoided Finn and Poe's pitying looks and refused to answer any questions, no matter how subtle. 

It was the early afternoon of New Years' Eve when Poe had left to pick up dinner for the three of them that Finn confronted Rey on her way to the living room sofa.

"Rey, you've been moping around here for a week when you were supposed to be spending the holidays with Ben. I didn't want to push when you arrived, and I've tried not to interfere or be nosy, but this is getting ridiculous. Your energy is draining me. Sit down and tell me what happened." 

Rey plopped down on the couch and sighed. 

"I fucked up," she groaned, covering her face with a throw pillow. Finn pulled it away from her and threw it back onto the sofa.

"Okay, that's on-brand. Tell me how."

Rey narrowed her eyes at Finn, who responded by raising his eyebrows to say, "Where's _ the lie?" _

"He tried to give me a ring," she grumbled.

"A ring? Did he propose? Like, marriage?" 

"Yeah."

Finn gaped at her, his mouth open and eyes wide. 

"And you left? What the fuck, Rey?"

"What was I supposed to do?" Rey countered irritably, "Just say yes because he knocked me up?"

"Or, you know, say yes because he loves you."

Rey shook her head. "Love is just ammunition to hurt people."

Finn looked at her as if he'd never seen her before. Rey squirmed under his judgemental gaze. She knew she sounded like an asshole, but she was tired and cranky and didn't want to have this conversation right now. 

"Wow. I knew you were cynical, but Jesus, Rey, this is some jaded soap opera bullshit."

"Give me a break, Finn. When did love ever make anything better? My parents said they loved me as they left me at the police department and took off to god knows where to overdose. Boyfriends said they loved me, but they left me behind and went on their merry way after they got what they wanted."

"What about me?" Finn demanded. "What about Mom? Poe, Rose, and Paige? You have love in your life Rey. Stop using it as an excuse when you're just scared of trying and have nothing else to fall back on."

"Screw you."

"Screw you back! Why do you always act like you're the only one whose parents abandoned them as a kid? You know, I was there too—the whole time. I see you, even though you don't think I do. You're scared to let anyone get closer to you because you blamed her for dying and leaving you when you finally  _ did _ let mom in after years. As if she had a damn choice." 

"Don't you fucking dare use Maz against me."

"Oh, too late now. I'm on a damn roll, sister. You pulled that independent shit for so long...ever since we were kids. You acted like you never needed anybody. So goddamn stubborn. When mom adopted us, you  _ still _ refused to let her in. All she wanted was for you to feel safe and loved, and you couldn't even give her your trust. Even after everything she did for us, you didn't trust her."

"That's not true. I stuck to that woman like glue, Finn. We were inseparable."

"Rey, come on. You were clingy and desperate. You were not trusting. You barely ever called her mom. You called her Maz the whole time." 

"Yes, I did, Finn. I called her mom all the time. Then she got sick, and she left. And I lost again."

"Rey, she didn't leave. She died. And you need to stop and realize that with her, you gained way more than you lost. I'm pretty sure it will be the same with Ben. Why can't you just let him love you?"

"When I let people in, they leave, Finn, one way or another." 

"Rey. I am right here!" He insisted, flattening his hands to his chest for emphasis. 

"But it's different. You have Poe. You left to be with him and don't need me around."

"What does that even mean? Did you expect me not to get married and babysit you your whole life?"

"No—God—That's not what I mean!"

"You can't have it both ways, Rey. We can't all be at your beck and call, and then have you blame us for deserting you when you want to play Miss Independent. It's time to grow up. That man is crazy about you. And maybe it is unorthodox how this all happened. But normal isn't a thing, Rey. It's a setting on a washing machine."

"I can't change what I've done, Finn."

"Why not?"

"I've messed things up too bad. I hurt him. He won't want me now."

Finn sighed, "Did he say that?"

"No."

"Then quit making shit up. What is it  _ you _ want, Rey?"

"I don't know. I'm so confused."

"I get it. Hormones." He laughed at the glare she threw at him for that remark. "But you should probably figure it out because you can't keep doing this to yourself, kiddo. You can't keep sabotaging yourself and punishing anyone who dares to try to crack that thick shell around you. You're just going to end up sad and alone. And then what?"

She bristled. "I can raise this baby on my own, Finn."

He let out a frustrated groan. "I know you can! We  _ all _ know you're capable. That's not in question. But he wants you, and he wants the kid. Just maybe you're acting a little extra about all of this? What are you trying to prove? And to who? Just think about it. And tell him how you feel. I know more than anyone how hard it is, Rey. But if I didn't communicate with Poe, we wouldn't be where we are now. I guarantee you."

Rey hated it when Finn was right. She'd always hated it, and he always had been. She whined and flopped into his lap and giggled when he grunted in response to her knocking the wind out of him. 

"Finn, what will I do if he doesn't want me anymore?"

"You'll pick yourself  _ up,"  _ he shoved her off of him and wheezed dramatically, earning another snort from Rey, "and you'll move on. You'll have all of us to help you. But wouldn't you rather know for sure instead of creating a scenario in your head to react to?" He tapped her on the forehead and smiled affectionately.

Rey nodded glumly and leaned back, resting her head on the couch cushions. She needed to talk to Ben and explain what she was feeling somehow. And she had no idea where to start.

**JANUARY**

The first day back to school after Christmas vacation was the most dreary day Rey had experienced yet as a teacher. The day after Halloween was a sea of zombie children on a sugar crash, and she thought that had been bad, but the first day back in January was incredibly depressing. Kids dragged themselves to classes, pretending to be happy to see their teachers, but secretly wishing they had one more day of lounging in their pajamas, playing their video games, and eating junk food mountains. Rey couldn't blame them when she felt the same way. She hadn't seen Ben in person since Christmas, and here it was, two weeks later, and she still had no idea what to say to him. She'd much rather be under the blankets at home, hiding from reality and responsibilities. 

Rey admitted to herself that despite everything that had happened, she was aching to see Ben and equally terrified of how he'd treat her. She hoped she could steal a moment to tell him she was ready to talk. She could invite him over, order takeout, and then she could let it all out on the table—all her fears and worries. Rey hoped beyond anything that he was willing to talk to her after messing up Christmas so severely. He hadn't given her any reason to believe he didn't want to see her. His regular good morning texts were a small reassurance that hope wasn't all lost. 

She had been going over different possible conversations in her head; ways she could broach the subject with Ben. She had settled on a couple of options and was weighing the pros and cons, lost in thought on her way across campus. Because of this, she didn't notice the commotion coming in her direction until she heard a woman's voice shout her name. 

"Jackson!"

Rey's head shot up at the unusual form of address. Usually, there was at least a "Miss" in front of her last name. She looked to see who was talking to her and went cold when she saw the tall, lean figure stumbling towards her, clearly in some altered state. 

Bazine. Melanie's former foster parent. 

Adrenaline kicked in, followed by rapid kicks from the baby. She instinctively placed her hands over herself in a protective gesture, searching around for any other adult nearby who could help her. 

"You! Jackson," Bazine shouted again, pointing a long, bony finger at Rey. Her nail polish was bright red, chipped, and jagged. Her clothing looked dingy, as if she had slept in it for a couple of days. Her hair was in a messy ponytail, and she had dark circles under her eyes, which were black and cold. They glittered with fury and loathing. 

"Mrs. Netal, how can I help you?" Rey managed to sound calmer than she felt. Her heart was racing, and her head was beginning to pound. How had this woman gotten on campus in the middle of the day?

"Don't give me that sweet teacher bullshit," Bazine sneered. "I know what you did."

"I'm afraid I don't understand what you're talking about…"

"Don't fucking lie to me, bitch!" She invaded Rey's personal space, her body moving quickly forward, and Rey drew back a step. She could smell alcohol on Bazine's breath, and she felt fear begin to curl around her. 

"Please keep your voice down, ma'am. Why don't we go into the office, and Mr. Solo can…"

"Oh, you're going to sic your boyfriend on me? It must be nice to be fucking the boss and get whatever you want. You get to ruin my life, and my husband is in jail because of you, and you can just go about your business like the happy little whore you are."

Rey reeled back as if Bazine had slapped her. Her body began to shake, and her belly's discomfort gave way to a shooting pain that shot around her whole torso. She gasped and clutched at her stomach. 

"What are you talking about?" Rey croaked, frantically looking around for help and spying Hux leading his class back from recess. She hadn't even heard the bell ring. He must have seen something in the look on her face to put him on alert because he pulled a child aside and whispered something into her ear. She nodded and took off running to the office, whizzing past Rey as Bazine continued ranting. 

"You know what I'm talking about," she yelled. "You reported us, and they took the kid away and accused my husband of horrible things. Now he's in fucking jail, they took  _ all _ the kids away, and I have nothing. I hope you're fucking satisfied!"

"Mrs. Netal, please, if we could just take this to the office...oh god!" Rey groaned and hunched forward as a wave of pain tightened her entire abdomen. It was as if someone was squeezing the life out of her. She felt, rather than heard, a tiny little  _ pop  _ and felt something warm and wet slowly trickle into her underwear. 

"No. Oh no," Rey moaned. 

"Get away from her! What are you doing?"

Ben. Rey heard his voice like it was coming down a long tunnel. Relief displaced some of the fear, and she sagged into his arms as he supported her. He quickly led her away from Bazine. She could hear someone else trying to reason with her. Hux, maybe? It didn't matter. Ben was here. Ben was holding her. Ben was going to help her. 

"Ben, I think it's happening. It's too soon. Oh, god." The realization sank in, and she began to cry hot tears of anguish. 

"Shh, baby, it'll be okay. It's okay. Calm down and breathe."

"I don't know how to do it. We haven't taken the class yet. It's too soon. Please, Ben, I don't know what to do."

"I've got you, Rey. It'll be okay. Just stay calm." He poked his head into the office and hollered orders to Kaydel. "I have to take Rey to the hospital. She needs someone to cover her class. Cancel my appointments. And call someone to come get that woman."

"On it, boss," came the clipped, no-nonsense reply from Kaydel. She went into action, stopping for a moment to say, "Good luck, you guys."

"Miss Jackson! Miss Jackson!"

A squeaky little voice came up behind them right as they reached the gate to exit the school campus. Rey recognized one of Hux's students holding her purse and her lanyard with her keys and ID badge. 

"Mr. Hux said you needed these."

"Thanks, kiddo," Ben said in response. "You saved the day. You can help Miss Kaydel with announcements in the morning. Now head back to class."

"Yay!" she squealed, turning to run back to Hux's room, pigtails flying behind her. 

When they got to Ben's car, he opened the passenger door and put the seat back down. Rey felt embarrassment momentarily elbow the rest of the emotions out of the way, and she panted, "I can't."

"Can't what?" Ben asked, clearly confused. 

"I'm all wet. I'll get your car messy. My water broke."

"For fucks sake, Rey. I'll get it detailed, just get in the car."

"But…"

"Rey," he said, placing his palms on both sides of her face and looking into her eyes. "We're having a baby today. That is more important to me than any car. Okay?"

She nodded and sniffled, wiping away her tears and letting Ben put her in the car and buckle her up. He climbed in, started the engine, and looked down at her. She felt so small and frightened. He reached for her hand, and she clutched it tightly as he gave her a reassuring squeeze. 

"Ready, baby mama?" At her nod, he smiled and kissed her knuckles before releasing her and shifting into gear. "Then let's go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to Lindsey for all your beta goodness!
> 
> TW - premature labor
> 
> Rey goes into labor early because of a confrontation at work. Be advised, everyone will be fine, but if this is triggering for you, you can skip the entire second half of the chapter beginning with “JANUARY.”   
> Stay safe 💗


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW premature infant, hospital setting 
> 
> It’s baby time!

* * *

Ben despised hospitals. The smell of antiseptic, the constant pages over the loudspeakers, ambulance sirens, and the varying levels of anxiety on nearly every face he passed was enough to bring him to his knees. His father’s illness was still fresh enough in his mind to make his shoulders tense as his car slid into the first available parking spot in the lot. 

He surveyed the hospital entrance, noting how calm it looked on this dreary Monday and appreciated how it seemed to counter the nervous energy threatening to bubble out of him. 

He looked over at Rey and silently took in her appearance. Her body was rigid with tension, even though she was attempting to stay calm. During the twenty-minute drive to the hospital, she had been unusually quiet, only responding with quick nods to Ben’s consistent refrain of “Are you okay?” It looked like she had been meditating, but Ben knew she was probably trying to control her breathing. Her eyes were closed, and her pink lips pursed as she slowly let out a breath. 

“Rey, are you ready?”

An almost hysterical laugh bubbled out of her when her eyes popped open. 

“No. I’m not. Are you?”

He smirked at her, brushing her hair that had tumbled free of her ponytail out of her face. The fact that she was still making snippy jokes was encouraging.

“No, but I guess that doesn’t matter, does it?”

“Guess not,” she replied before gasping and clutching her belly. 

“Rey?” Alarm was apparent in his tone despite his desire to stay calm for her sake. She held up a palm and took slow, measured breaths until it had passed, and she slumped back into the seat. 

“Okay, let’s go,” she said, nodding encouragingly. 

Ben scrambled out of his seat and ran around to Rey’s side, carefully extracting her from the car and walking her to the entrance.

The intake nurse took one look at them and smiled. “Good morning!” she sang in a tone that was cheery and welcoming. Ben gave her a rundown of their situation, and they were soon settled in a labor and delivery room, with Rey in a nondescript hospital gown, hooked up to several machines keeping track of both her and the baby’s vitals. 

The nurse assigned to them gave Rey a brief crash course in Lamaze breathing, and Rey was doing her best to try and utilize her limited knowledge to breathe through the contractions, which were coming closer than before, but had not reached the point yet where she would need the doctor. 

Ben stayed by her side for hours, ready to accommodate her every wish. When she said she was thirsty, he fed her ice chips. When she complained of her back hurting, he offered to rub it and help her relax. He watched her trying to rest in between contractions, and his heart ached for her. It hurt for them both. 

The entire emotional roller coaster that had been their relationship had gone horribly off the rails. It didn’t seem fair. After all that they had been through to get to this point, they now faced a premature baby and, most certainly, an extended hospital stay. Ben tried not to let his concern show, for fear of worrying Rey. Lord knew she was worried enough for both of them. Instead, he stroked her hair and kissed her forehead, giving her all his love in actions that he couldn’t give her in words. 

“Did you let anyone know?” Rey panted, sagging against her pillows after a particularly intense contraction. 

“Shit. No. Let me go outside, and call mom. I’ll tell Hux to spread the word to Rose if he hasn’t already and go from there.”

“Thank you, Ben. For everything. You don’t have to…” she trailed off, turning away from him and staring at the fading afternoon light. 

“Hey,” he reassured in a soothing voice. “Of course I do. Everything will be okay, Rey.”

“How do you know?” she whispered as if to speak the question loud enough to influence the future.

“Because we’re together, and you are the strongest woman I’ve ever known,” he answered. Her eyes widened in surprise, and her chin trembled with the sobs she was holding back with everything she had. “Look at all you’ve gone through in your life. You are resilient, Rey. You’ll make it through this and come out even stronger. I feel it.”

“You’re full of shit,” she laughed, letting the tears spill over and wiping them away as she shook her head at him. 

“Well, yeah, but is it working?”

She rolled her eyes at him. “Yes. Now get out.”

Chuckling, he gave her a wink and left the room, pulling his phone out of his pocket to call his mother. He walked to the waiting room down the hall and was surprised at what was waiting for him. 

Seated on the worn furniture, leaning against the walls, and perched on the edge of tables, were the very people he was there to call. Pocketing his phone, he stood stunned for a moment before turning to Hux.

“How?” he asked his best friend. Hux only shrugged, his mouth quirking into a wry smile.

“I called Rose. She did the rest.”

“How is she?” Leia questioned, grabbing Ben and hugging him tightly.

“She’s okay. She’s worried. But the on-call doctor says the vitals look good and the baby is doing well considering how early it is. We’re just waiting for Dr. Akbar to show up. Rey’s hanging in there. Thank you all for coming. Hux, man, I don’t know what to say.”

Rose stepped toward him and took Ben’s hand. “Hey, we’re family. We’re right where we should be. Now get back in there with her and keep us posted. Let us know if you need anything.”

“Thanks,” Ben replied. He had just turned to leave when Finn got his attention. 

“Ben, can we talk a minute?” He followed Ben out into the hallway and lowered his voice. “I just wanted to say thank you. On behalf of Poe and me.”

“What for?” 

“Rey told us that you talked to the social worker about Melanie. We get to meet her next week. It looks perfect. I don’t know how to thank you. It means so much…” He stopped, his voice choked with emotion. Ben only held his hand out to Finn and smiled. Finn grasped it, shook it, then pulled Ben in for a bear hug. “And thank you for loving my sister. I know it’s been rough, but don’t give up on her yet. She’s stubborn and afraid. But she’ll come around.” Releasing him from the embrace, he patted Ben on the shoulder. 

Ben patted him back, thanking Finn in return. He headed back to Rey, this time with a tiny seed of hope planted in his heart. 

* * *

The next two hours moved quickly for Ben, less so for Rey. She held up like a champ, breathing through her contractions as they came closer and harder until Dr. Akbar arrived and pronounced Rey ready to deliver. They called the Neonatal Intensive Care team to be prepared and explained that they would take the baby immediately after birth to ensure they had the care they needed. After explaining everything to them, their nurse took Ben away to outfit him in scrubs, before leading him to the delivery room and depositing him by Rey’s side. She clutched his hand, and he smiled reassuringly at her. 

“Ready yet?”

She huffed and panted through the pain and grunted out, “Still no.” Ben kissed her forehead one last time before the doctor began encouraging her to push. 

Thirty minutes later, there was a bustling of orderly chaos, a few terms barked back and forth that Ben couldn’t understand, and the sound of a furious cry. He felt light-headed with nervous excitement as Rey fell back and gasped for breath, looking exhausted. 

“It’s a girl,” Dr. Akbar proclaimed.

“Is she okay?” Rey asked weakly. 

The doctor held her up so Ben and Rey could see their wrinkly, red, angry daughter for a moment before the NICU team whisked her away. Stats were called out and recorded, their clinical voices devoid of emotion. 

“Wait, where are you going?” Ben tried to get someone’s attention to see if the baby was alright. Everything was happening so fast, everyone moving with quicksilver precision, not stopping to address Ben’s concerns. He was torn between staying with Rey and following the nurses as they bustled about the delivery room. He sat in shock, realizing it was nothing like he had ever expected. They shouldn’t be here. They should be relaxing after the first day back at work, swapping stories over dinner. He should be rubbing her feet while she reads a book. Something. Anything but this. 

“She looks good,” Ben heard someone say, startling him out of his thoughts.

“When can I hold her?” Rey asked.

“We’re going to get her settled while you’re getting cleaned up, and then we’ll bring you to her,” the nurse informed them, and went back to caring for the baby, taking her away to the NICU without another word.

Quiet settled over the delivery room, and Rey closed her eyes while the nurses took care of her. She had turned away from Ben, leaving him to wonder what he should do next. He knew nothing he could say would comfort her at this point. It had been a long, stressful day, culminating in an eerie quiet. He felt robbed of the traditional birth experience, not even holding the baby before the nurses took her away. It was disappointing and sad when it should have been a joyous occasion for both of them. Instead of dwelling on it, Ben decided to share the news with everyone in the waiting room, informing Rey and kissing her cheek before leaving. 

Everyone's faces when Ben finally entered the waiting room were a study in anticipation. Rose was the first to notice him, her head resting on Hux’s shoulder, and her eyes slack with fatigue. When Rose saw him, her eyes snapped open, and she stood ramrod straight, startling everyone else in the room.

“Well?” Rose asked him.

“It’s a girl,” Ben let out with a heavy breath. “Four pounds. She’s so small. We barely saw her before they took her.”

“Is she okay?” Leia asked quietly, putting her arm around Ben’s shoulders. 

He nodded in response. “I think so. I heard someone say she looked good. When they finish up with Rey, they’re going to take us to see her. I don’t know how long it will be before she can have visitors. You guys should all probably just head home. I’ll be staying with Rey tonight.”

“Let us know if there’s anything you need, Ben. Don’t hesitate, okay? I’ll be at Armie’s tonight, so I’m close by.”

Ben smirked at Rose’s nickname for Hux and winked at his friend before thanking Rose. He would save that ammo for teasing him later. Hux just rolled his eyes and led Rose out of the exit, placing a kiss on her head and an arm around her shoulder. Ben said goodbye to everyone else, saving his mother for last. She put her arms around him and gave him a comforting hug.

“It will all be alright, Ben. I’m sure of it. Congratulations.” She drew back, wiping at her eyes, a tender look on her face.

“Thanks, mom. Be careful going home.”

He left her and returned to the nurse’s station to ask where they had taken Rey and the baby. After leading Ben to another wing of the hospital, making him scrub as if he were going to surgery, and placing a gown over his clothes, they took him into the NICU where he saw Rey holding their daughter, looking shell shocked. He came closer, and his heart pounded heavily. He had no idea what to do next. They hadn’t prepared for any of this. 

He stared down at the tiny person cradled in Rey’s arms—wires and tubes jutting from her little body. Rey held her like a baby chick as if she were desperately afraid that any false move would break the fragile creature she had brought into the world. His stomach tightened in response to the fear that poured off Rey in waves. He gazed at the baby’s thick, raven black hair, her little pink pout, her ears covered in downy fluff. He hoped  _ she  _ would be the one to grow into those damn ears. 

“I guess there’s no question about who her dad is thanks to those ears, huh?”

He saw Rey startle and look up at him, and he could see that she had been crying. He watched her slump in her chair as all the stress of the last twelve hours overwhelmed her. She turned her attention back to the sleeping pink bundle as tears streamed down her face. He felt terrible at his lousy attempt at a joke.

“Shit. I’m sorry, Rey. That wasn’t funny.” He squeezed her shoulder, knowing he sounded like an asshole. She wiped her eyes on her robe’s sleeve and sniffled, nodding her acceptance of his apology. He ran his hands through his hair, angry at himself for being so stupid. 

Overpowering emotions ran through him: love he felt for the baby, and the love he felt for Rey was tangled up so much with his frustration and hurt, he wasn’t sure which one to deal with first. He had tried with Rey, and she only pushed him away, avoiding any kind of talk of the future or even feelings. And now that the baby was here, she tied Ben to Rey permanently. He couldn’t be angry about that because he loved Rey. He knew it as sure as he knew himself. He loved Rey; she didn’t want his love. 

He thought about what Finn said about not giving up. He only hoped Finn was right. Ben just needed to give her time. He’d waited this long; what would it hurt to wait a little longer? 

“I’m so sorry, Ben. I tried to stay calm,” Rey mumbled miserably, bringing him out of his thoughts. Her sorrowful tone nearly broke him, and his heart went out to her.

“Hey, don’t do that. She’s okay. She’s going to be okay. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Ben sighed heavily and sat down in the chair next to Rey. Whatever needed to be said was best left for when they had gotten some rest. He gently placed his hand on her arm, waiting until she lifted her tear-stained face to look at him. Wordlessly, he held his arms out to her, waiting for her to see, to understand that even though he was also tired and scared, that he wouldn’t leave them. She placed the baby in his arms, careful not to jostle the IV and other tubes and wires attached to her. 

Ben looked down at his daughter in wonder. She was the smallest person he had ever seen. He didn’t know what exactly to feel, holding on to her. He mostly felt scared to death that he would drop her. He looked over at Rey—she had relaxed a bit and was leaning her head back with her eyes closed. He examined Rey’s features and their daughter’s for a moment, and then exclaimed, “She has your nose. Thank god.”

Rey opened her eyes, her face breaking into a gentle smile. “Your nose isn’t bad. It fits your face.” 

Ben smiled back and looked at the baby again. His daughter. Their daughter. “What did you want to call her?” 

Rey reached out to touch the little velvety cheek in reverence. 

“Ruby.”

* * *

The first time the nurse had wheeled the Giant Milking Machine, as Rey had begun to refer to it, into her room, she had gaped at it, not knowing what it was. 

“It’s a pump to express your milk,” the nurse explained. “We need to feed her through a tube for now, until she learns to suckle and breathe at the same time.”

Ben had watched in horror as the nurse explained the machine’s function and demonstrated how to use it. Rey only looked defeated and promptly burst into tears holding the bottles with the funnel-shaped suction cups attached to the machine with plastic tubing. The nurse had left, and only Rey and Ben were left there to navigate this first stretch of parenthood on their own.

“It’s okay, Rey,” Ben soothed. He felt awful for her and assumed that she felt just as terrible at having to milk herself rather than nurse Ruby. 

“I’m broken,” she sobbed. “I can’t even feed her. It’s the most basic thing.”

“Rey, yes, you can,” he reassured her. “They’ll be feeding her your milk. It’s nothing you did; she’s just too little. You heard the nurse. In just a few weeks, she’ll be able to nurse, and it will be fine. Do you need me to leave so you can have privacy?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know. Just, just turn around, okay?” she sniffed.

“Okay.”

After the shock of the first time, Rey got better with each round, until she was a pro at milk production. On the day Rey was released, the hospital issued a pump for her to take home—a bulky reminder that they would be leaving the hospital without their baby. It was a depressing reality. They spent as much time as they could with Ruby that morning until it was time for Rey to be discharged. Ben came to retrieve her, and she reluctantly allowed an orderly to wheel her out the hospital’s exit. 

They were already outside before Rey looked over at Ben and made a noise somewhere between surprise and realization.

“What is it?” Ben asked her.

“I didn’t ask anyone to pick me up.”

“Rey, I’m right here.”

“You don’t have to…”

“Rey, come on. I’m tired. Stop pushing away my help. I had some stuff brought to my place. You can stay there. It’s closer, and we can visit her together. Now wait here, I’ll be right back.”

“You don’t have to be so snappy,” she pouted.

“I do if I want you to listen, apparently,” he teased. “Now, be still.”

He managed to load her and the Giant Milking Machine into the car and drove in silence until they reached his house. Rey had been sullen and irritable the entire ride, but Ben couldn’t blame her. She was exhausted and had to leave their baby in the hospital. It wasn’t comfortable for him to go home without Ruby—he knew that for Rey, it must have been ten times worse. 

He helped her out of the car and inside the house, setting her bags down.

“Let me show you where your room is,” he said. Rey only nodded and followed him.

When he entered the room and gestured for Rey to enter, he saw her face transform from tired and sad to shocked and confused. 

“What is all this?” she exclaimed. Ben looked around at the room. In Ben’s absence, the family had outfitted the room with a crib, changing table, twin bed, bassinet, and a chest of drawers filled with a baby wardrobe and all the necessities he would need when Ruby was there. He shrugged and waved his hand around lamely.

“Everyone pitched in—your brother, Rose, my mom. A lot of it is from my mom. All the pink shit. Her exact words were, ‘I know you kids these days don’t do gender roles, but I’m going to see her in pink until she can tell me no herself.’ She’s kind of a steamroller in case you didn’t notice.”

Rey ran her hand over the delicate pink fabric of the tiny bassinet, her features softening. 

“It’s too much,” she whispered.

“It’s for when she’s here with me,” Ben shrugged. Rey looked thoughtful as if she hadn’t considered the possibility that Ruby would stay anywhere but with her. Ben sighed. “I’ll leave you to get settled.”

During the period that Rey was in his home, she hid like a frightened cat. Every time he entered a room, she would hurry away, spending most of the time they weren't at the hospital cooped up in her room watching television, pumping, and researching prematurity in infants. It would wear on Ben’s nerves if he weren't so preoccupied trying to balance work with wanting to be there for Ruby. He was thankful he had teachers who could serve as interim administrators while he was gone. 

So for more than two weeks, they existed in the same space, weaving around each other in a delicate dance that mostly consisted of avoidance on Rey’s part and resignation on Ben’s. They stuck to a routine: wake, pump, shower, dress, drive to the hospital and spend the day with the baby and stick to her feeding and sleeping schedule until they were both too tired to do anything else but drive home, then fall into separate beds, exhausted. They repeated this day in and day out, and all the while, Ben watched Rey, waiting and hoping for her to let him in.

When Ruby was nearly three weeks old, Ben was sitting at the table eating his breakfast and noticed Rey’s phone receiving a phone call from the hospital. He picked it up and answered since Rey had yet to come out of her room.

“Rey Jackson’s phone, this is Ben Solo.”

“Good morning Mr. Solo, this is Tallie Lintra, I’m Ruby’s nurse.”

“Is she alright?” Ben asked immediately, panic beginning to set in, and his cereal felt like a lead weight in his stomach.

“She’s just fine, Mr. Solo. Her doctor wanted me to let you know that she’s ready to be discharged.”

“What?” 

“Discharged. Little Miss Ruby is ready to go home.”

“Are you sure? I mean, I knew she was getting stronger, and she’s gotten chubby because she’s always eating, and Rey was successful with nursing the last couple of days, so we were hopeful and…” Ben ran his hands through his hair, not wanting to believe what the nurse was saying. He heard her softly chuckle in reply.

“We are very sure, Mr. Solo. You and Miss Jackson can come and get your baby as soon as you’re ready.”

“Thank you!” he shouted, hanging up and running to the hall to tell Rey. He tapped gently on her door and listened for an answer, but heard nothing except a muffled squeaky sound. He knocked again and thought he could make out a choked sob.

“C-come in.”

“Rey? Are you okay?” Ben opened the door and saw Rey on the floor, shoes in her hands, crying yet again. “What’s wrong now?” he asked, annoyed that Rey’s hormones interrupted his good news.

“My feet,” Rey wailed, pointing with her shoes. “They’re so big.”

“What are you talking about?” 

“I can’t put on my shoes because my feet are too big.” She pointed again, and Ben looked down at her feet. They were swollen from toe to ankle and too puffy to fit into the sneakers Rey was holding. He tried not to laugh at the situation, but couldn’t help the chuckle he attempted to hide behind his hand. 

“I think that’s normal,” he told her in a gentle tone. “I read that you’d retain water. But it’ll be fine; you’ll get rid of it all in a couple of days. I guess it goes away when you use the bathroom,” he shrugged, not understanding it, but he had read it in an online forum.

“How?!” Rey sobbed. “How am I supposed to pee what’s in my feet?!”

Ben was at a loss. He had no idea how to respond to that question, so he ignored it and gave Rey the news.

“Rey, stop for a second. You can wear flip flops. You’ll be fine. Listen. Ruby can come home.”

“What?” Rey asked, her sobbing slowing to a hiccup. “What did you say?”

“The hospital called, and we can bring her home. Today.”

“I can take her home?” Rey repeated, tears oozing down her cheeks for a different reason. 

Ben realized she had said  _ I _ and not  _ we _ . He cursed his stupidity in hoping that she would be bringing Ruby back to his house. Of course, she would want to take her to her own home. He held out his hand to help Rey stand and fixed his expression into a cheerful smile. 

“Yeah. You can take her home. Let’s go get our girl.” 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank all of you who stuck around through what turned into a huge angst-fest. It's been a hell of a ride. We have this one and an epilogue after. I hope you enjoy it. Love to you all!

“All I needed was the love you gave,

All I needed for another day,

And all I ever knew

Only you.”

Yaz- ”Only You”

**FEBRUARY**

Rey woke with a start at the sound of insistent knocking at the front door. She hadn’t realized she had fallen asleep and looked down at Ruby, nuzzled against her left breast, milk-drunk, and drooling in sleep. Rey’s entire front felt wet, soaked with milk, and her right breast ached from disuse, both she and Ruby having fallen asleep before she could switch sides. 

She whined in dismay, struggling to sit up and make herself presentable enough to answer the door without jostling Ruby out of her milk-induced coma. The knocking continued, and Rey’s temper inched a notch higher with each thump. 

“I’ll be right there!” she hissed in a stage whisper, gently placing the baby in her frilly pink bassinet—compliments of her doting Nonna Leia—crossing her fingers the baby stayed asleep. Rey fluffed a ruffle with a smile before moving towards the door, thoughts of Leia, and how taken she was with Ruby, filling her with a warm sense of happiness. 

She hurried to the door and threw it open, fully intending to lecture the person standing outside that she had a sleeping baby when she saw her visitor was the very person on her mind. Leia stood in her doorway as if conjured by Rey’s thoughts, a large black umbrella glossy with fallen rain protecting her clothes and braided coronet. Rey smiled warmly and ushered her in quickly, taking stock of the deluge outside. 

“Oh my gosh, it’s a mess out here. I’m sorry, I was sleeping and didn’t hear you knock.”

“Don’t apologize, honey, you get that sleep whenever you can,” Leia laughed, shucking off her coat and setting her umbrella aside before eyeing Rey’s disheveled appearance. 

“What happened?” Leia asked, pointing to Rey’s wet, haphazardly buttoned shirt, and mussed hair. 

Tears pricked Rey’s eyes, and she brushed them away in frustration. Any little thing could set her off these days, even proverbial spilled milk. She shrugged and gave a weak laugh. 

“We fell asleep in the middle of dinner. We made a bit of a mess.”

Leia laughed gently, patting Rey’s cheek fondly. “I can’t tell you how many times that happened to me. I thought my tits would be lopsided because I’d always forget and start on the right side, and Ben would pass out before I could switch him.”

Rey started in shock at Leia's frank statement before snorting with laughter. “Oh, god. Lopsided?! Well, that’s a new fear. Thanks for that. What can I do for you?” she asked, leading Leia to her couch and offering her a seat. Rey was glad to see Leia if a little suspicious. 

“I just thought since you had officially been home for a week that I could see my little jewel,” Leia answered with a wink, leaning over the bassinet to coo at her grandchild and softly touch her little fingers. Ruby instinctively curled her tiny hand around Leia’s finger in her sleep, making her Nonna and mother let loose a collective, “Aww.”

“So, I know it’s none of my business,” Leia started as soon as Rey sat next to her. “But how are things with you and Ben?”

Rey glanced at Leia, grimacing at the mischievous look in her eye. 

Things with her and Ben were at a standstill, mostly due to exhaustion and Rey’s desire to sleep rather than have a heart to heart conversation when Ben was around. Since bringing Ruby home, Rey had been doing her best to maintain the hospital’s schedule. Ben visited every day before work, during lunch, and after work to help with changing and bathing; together, they had managed to keep a steady routine that allowed Rey to get a little sleep once in a while. She was so thankful she didn’t have to do it alone. She was just so tired. She wished she knew what to say—and that she hadn’t messed everything up so badly. 

“Rey?” 

“Sorry. Oh, Ben. Well, yeah, that’s complicated. Anyway, what about just wanting to see your little jewel?” Rey teased.

“So I meddle. Sue me. I just want to see you two happy.”

“I understand. I guess it’s part of being a parent.” Rey gazed at her baby girl, that rush of love overwhelming her senses. “But I don’t know how things are if you want to know the truth. It’s been a little crazy the last couple of weeks. We’ve been pretty wrapped up in Ruby. I haven’t had a moment to see if Ben even wants...” she paused a moment to consider.

“Wants what?”

With a shake of her head, Rey stood up. “Never mind. I’m going to change. Can you keep an eye on her?”

“Sure,” Leia replied. Just before Rey could get through her door, she heard Leia ask, “Rey? What is it that  _ you _ want?”

Rey stopped and looked at her, recognizing the same question Finn had asked weeks before. She sighed. 

_ I want Ben. I just don’t think I deserve him.  _

“I don’t know how to answer that, Leia. I’m sorry.” 

She closed the door behind her and went to open her dresser, pulling out a clean bra to change into when she caught sight of something in the back. Reaching forward, her hand grasped paper, and she realized it was the envelope that Finn had given her at Thanksgiving. The letter for her, written by Maz. Finn had said to read it when the time was right, and Rey had forgotten all about it. Shakily, she opened the envelope, pulled out the letter, sank to the floor, and read. 

_ Sweet Girl, _

_ If you are reading this, it’s because I’m gone, and you’re finally ready to have some sense shaken into you. No point in beating around the bush. This cancer has been a bitch, and I needed to get some stuff off my chest that you need to know before I leave the party.  _

_ First, you are loved. I know you hate to hear it, and it makes you cringe when I say it, but it’s the truth. Now it’s in writing forever, so you can’t erase it or pretend it isn’t true. That’s why I used ink instead of a pencil. You’re sneaky. But I love you, and you have to deal with it. And I know you loved me, even if it scared you to admit it. Don’t ever think I didn’t know. You were a joy to me and will always be my sweet girl.  _

_ Second - if Finn did what I told him to do, and his timing was right (At this point, it’s anyone’s guess. That boy never listens to me), then that means there’s someone new in your life who is important and loves you. Chances are, you’re screwing it up because of your issues with the L word and your track record with sabotaging relationships. No offense, kiddo, but like I said, no point in beating around the bush. The fact is, you probably need to reexamine your priorities right about now. It’s time to say goodbye, Ruby Tuesday. Freedom and independence don’t have to mean living alone with a hardened heart. Trusting someone is an act of love. If he trusts and loves you, then accept it and give it back. You’ll both be better for it.  _

_ Third - Forget about what happened in the past. Let it go. Grab what makes you happy now and hold on tight, because, shit, this life goes by way too fast. Remember what the Stones said in our song, sweet girl, “Yesterday don’t matter if it’s gone.” _

_ Ok. I’m done lecturing. Now it’s time to go—all my love to you and the boys - and anyone else who comes along.  _

_ Mama Maz _

Rey read through the letter twice more before clutching it to her chest and wiping her face. 

_ Sabotaging relationships, huh? Leave it to her to call me on my shit even from the beyond, _ she thought, laughing through her tears. 

She thought about what Maz had written. “Grab what makes you happy now and hold on tight.” She felt energy coursing through her at those words that wasn’t there before—a sense of urgency that caused her to leap up and frantically change her top and brush her hair, not thinking of anything but getting to Ben. She had no idea what to say when she saw him, but something inside her told her it was now or never. She couldn’t let him make the first move yet again. It had to be her. 

“Leia, I have to go,” Rey exclaimed as she burst out of her bedroom and raced past her to the closet. Her coat and shoes were already on when she thought to ask, “Can you stay with Ruby?” 

Leia gave her a knowing look and pulled a book out of her bag, slipping her glasses on her nose and tucking her feet under her on the couch. She opened the book and began to read, absentmindedly waving Rey away with her hand. “Say hi to my boy for me.”

“There’s milk in the fridge if you need it. Thank you!” Rey hollered over her shoulder as she flew out the door and down to her car. 

* * *

It was a miracle Rey hadn’t hydroplaned on the wet streets. The rain came down in sheets, making her drive much slower than Rey would have liked. She knew they had to talk, only now that she had arrived at his house, her car in park, watching the water run down her windshield, she was at a loss as to what she would say when and if he let her in. She pulled her coat tighter and cursed herself for not grabbing Leia's umbrella; she scurried up the drive to Ben’s front door, dodging the deeper puddles along the way. She pounded on his door and jammed her finger impatiently on the doorbell, sighing with relief when she saw movement inside the house. She briefly thought that she probably should have called first when the door opened, and Ben gave her a curious look.

“Rey? It’s pouring out there. What are you doing? Come inside. You look like a drowned rat.”

“Gee, thanks,” Rey snapped, her teeth chattering and water dripping from her clothes, making puddles on the tile floor. 

“Are you okay? Where’s Ruby? Is she alright?”

“She’s fine. Leia is with her. I needed to see you. We need to talk.”

“Okay,” he said. “Do you need a towel first?”

In response, Rey blurted out the first thing that came to mind. 

“I need you to tell me why you wanted to marry me.”

Ben stopped in surprise and sighed, “Rey, I can’t do this tonight. It’s been a long day.”

“Please, just humor me. Tell me why.”

“I told you why. Because I love you.”

“What if that isn’t enough for you?”

“I don’t understand.”

“People leave, Ben. It happens. My parents said they loved me, and they left. So what if love isn’t enough for you to stay. What then?”

“What the hell do your parents have to do with us? Stop punishing me for shit your parents did. I don’t want to leave, so stop pushing me away. You can’t keep pushing people away from you your entire life because you’re afraid of being alone. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. What is it  _ you _ want, Rey? Because I am trying hard here, and I can’t figure it out.” 

Rey stomped her foot, fully aware of how childish it was, but reveling in how good it felt to lose her cool. “God, that is so frustrating. Everyone keeps asking me what I want. Like it even matters anymore what I want. But tell you what. When I find out, I’ll be sure to send out a group text so you, Finn, and your mother can be the first ones to know.” 

“Jesus. Is this what you came here for?” Ben ran his hand through his hair, clearly frustrated, but, Rey noticed, he was restraining his temper, considering the turn of the conversation. “This is just like you. Deflecting any real conversation and just impulsively lashing out.” 

“Bullshit,” she snapped. “You don’t know a thing about me.” 

“Oh, this again. Great. Rey, I already told you I do know you.”

She shook her head and scoffed. “You think so? Enlighten me then.” 

“Nope. We’ve had this argument before, and I’m tired of it. I don’t feel like I need to prove it to you time and again. You don’t get to turn this back on me. I’m not the bad guy, Rey.”

“Don’t I get a moment to complain? It’s my life that’s been completely upended!” She could feel herself getting worked up. This conversation wasn’t going the way she wanted it to go, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. 

“Quit being so goddamned selfish!” Ben shouted, startling Rey out of her impending tempest. He took a deep breath and lowered his voice. “It isn’t just your life that’s been changed. Ruby’s my daughter, too. It’s not just about you!”

“You think I don’t know that?” Rey countered. “It’s  _ never _ been about me. I just knew from the beginning that if I told you about the baby, you’d…” She stopped and turned around. Afraid to face him and have him see her genuine fear. 

“I’d what? Say it,” he encouraged. She bit her lip and shook her head. “Don’t stop now, Rey. Go ahead and say it.” 

She turned back to him, eyes blazing, ready to release her version of the truth. “That you’d just want me for her! Because nobody has...ever...wanted...me...for..me.” 

Each word was punctuated with a gasp as she forced herself to say them. They hung in the air like a heavy fog. Ben stared at her for a moment before speaking. 

“That’s a pretty shitty character assessment, Rey,” he said sadly. “Especially knowing what you know about my mother and her issues about trust. I’ve told you how I feel. I didn't lie to you. I said I loved you, and I meant it. I don’t know what else to do.”

Still refusing to believe it, she shook her head, not ready to meet his eyes. She continued in a subdued tone, all the fight gone out of her. “Look, Ben, I know how you feel about Ruby. You’ve always wanted to love her since the moment you knew she was yours. It’s her you love.” 

Closing the space between them, Ben grasped her shoulders, surprising her. “You’re not listening to me, Rey. It’s because I love you! I love Ruby because she’s a part of  _ you _ . I’ve loved you since I fucking met you. I was floored that someone like you, so beautiful and young and fun, and everything that I’ve never had before, would even think about  _ talking _ to me, let alone being with me. And then I woke up and you were gone, and it hurt so bad.” Rey cringed at that, wanting to apologize, but Ben waved away her concern and continued. “Then later, I couldn’t believe my luck in finding you again. I got another chance, and I didn’t want to screw it up. I didn’t know how much I needed you in my life until you were right there in front of me. I need you, Rey.”

Rey gaped at him, speechless. He needed her? Why would he need  _ her _ ?

“You make me feel like I'm part of something bigger than just me. Like we are two sides of the same coin. How can you not see it? How can you be so blind? You think it’s because of Ruby, but I was ready to jump in head first thinking she was someone else’s baby because I didn’t want to lose you! I asked you to marry me for Christ’s sake. I’d do anything for you, Rey. No matter what. I love you so much that even if you left right now. If you took her and left me…” His voice broke with a miserable sound of defeat, and Rey could feel her heart breaking with it as she watched him place his palms to his eyes and sink to the floor, crying horrible, broken sobs as he tried to tell her what he needed to say. 

“I would still love you forever. I just want you to be happy—even if it’s not with me. You and Ruby are everything to me.” 

Frozen in shock, the realization of it all came crashing down on her. Ben did want to be around her from the moment he saw her in the auditorium back in August. He did everything he could to spend time with her. He was caring and generous and funny—all before he even knew about the baby. And then how he’d put up with her the last few weeks in his own home, keeping him at arm's length, being supportive through everything despite all of her baggage.

She had been so selfish and wrapped up in herself and her past that she refused to see what was right there. 

He loved her enough to stay and fight—enough to let her go. 

_ It’s time to say goodbye, Ruby Tuesday.  _

The meaning of Maz’s words finally fit into place. It was time to let go and trust someone. Truly trust him. 

She sank to her knees in front of him and wrapped her arms around him, stroking his hair. “Oh, god. Oh god, Ben. Please don’t cry. Please, Ben. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I didn’t see it. I didn’t want to believe it. I’m so sorry. I love you, too. I love you so much. Please don’t cry...”

He quieted and gazed up at her, face blotchy red and wet with tears. She brought a shaky hand up to touch his face, her fingertips tracing the laugh lines by his eyes, the beauty marks dotting his cheeks, the place where his dimple hid, waiting for just the right moment to appear, and she pulled him to her for a kiss. She poured all she had into it—joy, passion, trust, gratitude. She gave it all to him.

When they separated, she smiled shyly, watching as his face broke into a grin and that devilish dimple made its appearance. She couldn’t resist touching it again. He closed his eyes, savoring her touch, and rested his forehead on hers. She could feel his breath—calm and gentle—ruffling wisps of her hair as he spoke.

“Say it again,” he whispered.

“I love you,” she breathed. 

He opened his eyes, and it was all there in the honey-colored depths. The love she hadn’t wanted to believe in was there in every look, every gesture. He turned his head and kissed her palm, and Rey felt her heart skip a beat as if their love were brand new. She supposed that in a way, it was. 

“You don’t have to be afraid anymore,” he promised her. “I want you. All of you. The good and the bad. I love you. I just need you to give us a chance. I can’t promise you it will be perfect. It’ll be messy, and we’ll disagree about so many things. We’ll get mad and frustrated and want to give up because that’s all normal. But as long as we can communicate with each other, I know it can work. Because we just make sense to me, Rey. As long as I’m with you, I know I’m on the right path.” 

“Okay,” she agreed.

He stopped and looked quizzically at her response. “Okay, what?”

“Okay, I believe you? Okay, I love you, too? Okay, I’ll marry you?” 

“That’s a weird way to respond,” he pouted.

“Well, I’m not good at this,” Rey grumbled, scrunching her nose in frustration. 

“Nope,” Ben laughed. “No, you’re terrible at it, actually.” 

“Do you want to try again?”

“Uh, uh. You first this time.” 

She took a deep breath and dove in headfirst. “I...have loved people before, and they went away. I always ended up getting hurt. So I thought that’s what love was—an invitation to pain. And just like you said, I was afraid of you and your intensity from the beginning. I was afraid of how it made me feel. I was afraid to trust you. I didn’t want to let go and let it happen because I was tired of being hurt and disappointed. I didn’t want to be disappointed by you. Because you meant more than anyone ever had before. So I pushed you away. Or I tried. But you just wouldn’t stop.” She choked out a laugh, and he responded with a chuckle, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. 

“I’m sorry it took me so long to realize I love you. But I do. I love you so much, Ben.”

“I know, baby. I know,” he sighed into her hair, his arms tightening around her. Leaning back to get a good look at her, he raised an eyebrow and asked, “Now, really, was that so damn hard?”

She pinched his arm in response, and he squirmed. “Ow!”

“Don’t be an ass.”

“So, do you want to marry me?”

Rey pretended to ponder her decision, drawing it out and tapping her chin dramatically. “Um. I think. Yeah. I kinda do.”

“Okay, then.” He pulled the ring out of his pocket and slid it on to her left hand. She narrowed her eyes at him in response.

“Pretty confident, aren’t you Solo, walking around with that thing in your pocket?”

His smile could have lit up the entire town as he gazed into her eyes, a sparkle of amusement in their golden brown depths. He leaned forward to kiss her, stopping a breath away from her lips to get in that final word before sealing their deal. 

“It was just a matter of time, sweetheart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Lindsey for putting up with me and my need for approval. ;)


	18. Chapter 18

“I must admit, you were not a part of my book,

but now if you open it up and take a look,

you’re the beginning and the end of every chapter.”

Ne-Yo - “Never Knew I Needed”

Epilogue - 5 years later

**JUNE**

Ruby Solo was determined to have her preschool commencement be a formal affair. She refused to wear her casual clothing set out for her by her mother and instead chose a frilly white sundress covered in lace and dotted with blue butterflies. She had insisted on it in the store when shopping with Nonna Leia because it reminded her of Daddy. Blue, butterflies, and Ben all started with B, so Ruby had to have it.

“How could I argue with that?” Leia had asked at the time. Rey smirked, knowing for a fact that Leia refused to argue with Ruby about anything. Whatever Ruby wanted, Ruby got as far as her Nonna was concerned. And so, considering the special occasion, Rey conceded and let her daughter attend the ceremony ridiculously overdressed for the event. Her raven hair hung in ringlets down her back, topped off with a matching blue bow that her Auntie Rose had made for her. It was flashy, large, and covered in sparkly rhinestones, but Ruby loved it and said she felt very fancy.

Rey supposed it was fitting, considering they were attending a graduation ceremony for five-year-old children. 

“Okay, remind me why they call this a graduation?” Rose asked, almost as if she had read Rey’s mind, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Just how many of these preschoolers are going to go get an MBA?”

Hux laughed from his seat next to his wife, bouncing their toddler on his knee to entertain Ruby and only popping into the conversation intermittently to annoy them. Rey narrowed her eyes at him.

“Shut up, you two. I know it’s dumb, but it’s tradition.”

“Aunt Rey!”

Rey turned in the direction of the voice coming from the tall preteen waving and walking towards them across the nearly full auditorium. Rey wrapped her arms around her as soon as she was close enough, placing a smacking kiss on her cheek in the process and laughing at the squealing girl. 

“Hey, Lainie! Where are your dads?” She peered over Melanie’s head, looking for Finn and Poe. 

“They’re trying to get Ruby’s balloons from the car,” Melanie said, shaking her head. “Papa told Dad no balloons because they’re a waste of money and Dad didn’t listen, and now they’re tangled in the backseat. I told them I’d save them seats.”

“Oh, this is too good,” Rose laughed. “Finn never listens. I love it when his stubborn ass gets schooled.”

“Honey, maybe not in front of the kid?” Hux jabbed his wife in the side with his elbow. 

“Oh, believe me, she is absolutely in the know about how stubborn both her fathers are, right, Melanie?”

“Pretty much,” Melanie said with a nod. 

Rey smiled fondly at her niece, filled with awe at how their lives had gotten to this point. Poe and Finn had immediately taken to Melanie, and she to them. They were inseparable from the start, and Melanie enthusiastically agreed when they had asked her if she wanted to be their daughter. Now Melanie Dameron was thriving—a healthy, well-adjusted (thanks to regular family therapy), happy girl, surrounded by love. 

“Where’s Uncle Ben and Nonna?” Melanie asked. Leia and Melanie became fast friends after Ben and Rey were married, and Leia choked up when Melanie asked if she could be her grandmother. Melanie had gone from having no one to having parents, cousins, aunts and uncles, and a grandmother who had taken up knitting at her son’s urging, spending less time meddling with the adults and more time teaching her granddaughters yarn crafts. 

“They went to pick up the C-A-K-E,” Rey spelled out. Ruby had perked up from her seat on the other side of Rose and listened intently to the conversation. 

“Cake, mommy. That spells cake. If you know cake, you know bake, make, and take, right, Uncle Hugs?” She smiled her sweet, dimpled smile, green eyes twinkling and searching for the approval she knew would come from her Uncle.

“You’ve created a monster, Rey. You realize this?” Rose teased. 

“You just wait until that one starts in on us all,” Rey laughed, pointing at the baby. “Between the two of them and Melanie, they’ll have us gray-haired and exhausted before we’re forty.”

“Hey!” Melanie crowed. “I object.”

“Object to what?” Rey heard Poe ask. He and Finn had come in with Ben and Leia, unnoticed by anyone, despite the enormous bouquet of ridiculous Mylar balloons Finn was trying to untangle while walking. “These balloons? I objected too, but nobody listens to me.”

Ruby squealed and ran to Finn. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, Uncle Finn! I love them! There’s so many I can float away!”

“Just like the butterflies on your dress, Shortcake,” Finn answered, shoving the balloons at a disgruntled Rey and scooping his niece up for a kiss and a twirl. 

“Oh my god, this family is ridiculous,” Rose snorted. “You all need to sit down before we annoy the entire town.”

Rey took the balloon bouquet to the back of the auditorium, out of the audience’s way. She turned to find Ben right behind her and gave a small startled squeak. 

“You scared me!” she laughed, slapping his arm. “How was your day?”

“Long. Come here.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her just outside, out of onlookers’ view, before planting a kiss on her upturned face. 

“What was that for?” she asked, not surprised, but curious at his show of affection. Ben stopped her for kisses whenever and wherever they were, only resisting when they were at work. Even after five years of marriage, he couldn’t keep his hands off of her. Rey had no complaints.

“It’s our anniversary, sweetheart,” Ben growled in her ear. “Six years since we made our baby, and I haven’t been able to think about anything else all day.” 

Rey flushed and bit her lip. “You’re terrible. We are literally at our child’s graduation.”

“She’ll have other ones,” he insisted. “Just give me a little something to tide me over until later.”

“You’re crazy,” Rey laughed, raising on her tiptoes to kiss her husband. What had started as something sweet and chaste evolved, as it usually did with them, into something deeper, more heated, and not exactly appropriate for the venue. Rey pulled away with a gasp when she heard wolf whistles and hollering, looking past her husband to see her brother’s disapproving frown.

“If you two can quit behaving like high schoolers for five minutes, the ceremony is about to start,” Finn lectured, shaking his head and going back inside. 

Rey giggled, embarrassed, and hid her face in Ben’s shirt. He laughed and kissed her hair, murmuring heated promises in her ear that made her turn a deep shade of pink. He took her hand, and they walked back into the auditorium.

They found their seats and managed to sit through the entire ceremony of four and five-year-olds in alphabetical order, shyly meandering across the stage to receive their certificates. When it was Ruby’s turn, she bucked convention and skipped joyfully to center stage, bowing deeply at the applause and whistles from the extended Solo-Dameron-Hux family. She finished with a twirl when she got her certificate and skipped back to her seat with the rest of her classmates. 

“Where on earth does she get that?” Rey asked, shaking her head at her dramatic daughter. 

“My dad,” Ben replied at the same time that Leia said, “Han.”

* * *

Later, when the family had left—taking leftover pizza and cake with them—the gifts were put away, and Ruby happily danced off to the bathroom for her bubble bath. Rey overheard the splashing and giggling, followed by Ben tucking her in and reading her favorite bedtime story. It was a ridiculously funny one about a bulldog named Chowder who wanted to meet some new friends. Ruby insisted on it every night, and Rey suspected the sneaky little girl was trying to wear them down to have a bulldog named Chowder of her own. Rey was not ready for an animal on top of her little whirlwind of a daughter and refused to acknowledge the subtle hints Ruby would drop after every reading. Rey only hoped Leia never got wind of it, or they’d have a snorting French bulldog within the week. 

Smiling to herself, Rey followed the sounds of Ruby’s laughter as Ben read, resting in the doorway and watching the two people she loved the most enjoy each other’s company. When Ben finished, Ruby applauded and looked up to see Rey in the doorway. She held up a hot pink hairbrush with a smile.

“Mommy, I waited for you. I didn’t let daddy brush. He’s got long hair, but he’s not a girl. And he doesn’t sing the song right.”

“Well, okay then,” Ben huffed. “I know when I’m not wanted. Good night baby girl,” he said to Ruby, blowing a raspberry on her cheek until she giggled. “Love you lots.”

“I love you too, Daddy!” Ruby chanted back.

Ben stopped in the doorway and grabbed Rey, blowing a raspberry on her cheek as well, much to Ruby’s entertainment.

“Good night, baby mama,” he whispered in her ear. “Love _you_ later.”

“Oh my god, go away,” Rey laughed, pushing him out the door with a discreet pinch. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

“I love you, sweetheart.”

“I love you, too.”

“Mommy, hurry!” Ruby shouted. “It’s singing time!”

Rey took the carved wooden music box from the dresser and brought it with her, winding it up and setting it on the table next to the bed. She took the hairbrush and sat behind her baby, brushing her long black curls and singing “Ruby Tuesday” twice through until her hair was combed and braided, and she was all tucked in safe and sound. Rey kissed her daughter’s pink cheeks and whispered, “Sleep well, baby girl. Catch your dreams before they slip away.”

As she turned out the light, she heard Ruby mutter sleepily, “You too, Mommy.”

Rey thought about the man who loved her unconditionally, waiting for her down the hall. She thought about her beautiful, healthy, bright daughter, her family that loved her, the rewarding career she had established, and their comfortable, small-town life, and she smiled. 

“I already did, baby. I already did.”


End file.
